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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School Nativity & Photos

66 replies

TeenPlusTwenties · 05/12/2019 10:39

AIBU to do a pre-emptive thread about photographs/filming of school nativities?

Please if your school say no photos or films, then follow the rule.
If they say OK to photo/film but not on social media, then follow the rule.

This isn't about over the top concerns about privacy, not scaremongering there is a paedophile on very corner. It is about the important few children for whom having their location visible online could cause aggravation or real danger. Those who have fled domestic violence or have been adopted or similar.

And no, your 'right' to post on social media does not trump a child's right to be in their own school performance. Children shouldn't have to not take part, or be in a mask just so you can boast about Alex being third star on the left, or Mary or Herod.

Thank you.

OP posts:

Afolnerd · 05/12/2019 11:33

YANBU
There are a couple of kids at my daughters school with safeguarding issues and while parents are allowed to take photos they are always told not to put them online. A few always do though and I will happily report to fb to get them taken down.

hazeyjane · 05/12/2019 11:37

Also, if you do want to film it please try not to hold your iPad up blocking the view of everyone behind you!!

DryHeaving · 05/12/2019 11:37

Well said TeenPlusTwenties

MiniEggAddiction · 05/12/2019 11:40

YANBU as cute as the nativity play is for us parents I very much doubt most of our facebook friends really care either.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/12/2019 11:41

I absolutely agree. I have a friend whose grandchild is adopted, and it would cause the child and their parents real problems if their location was known. I just wish it wasn't necessary to reiterate this point year after year after year, to clueless people who don't care about the danger they could put other children in.

The sensible thing is for the school to allow individual photos afterwards.

Original poster

TeenPlusTwenties · 05/12/2019 12:20

The sensible thing is for the school to allow individual photos afterwards.

I agree.

OP posts:

hazeyjane · 05/12/2019 12:58

The sensible thing is for the school to allow individual photos afterwards.
That might be quite tricky to navigate with several years worth of children and staff and tons of parents and relatives milling around an overcrowded church. Both the schools my children have been/are in, have their nativity in the morning and the audience are just ushered out so the kids can get back to school.

drspouse · 05/12/2019 13:01

Ours usually come home in their costume between an early evening performance and the school day one the next day.
However for the full effect we'd have had to reapply DD's shepherd's beard.

LolaSmiles · 05/12/2019 13:06

Brilliant post TeenPlusTwenties

For a second I thought this was going to be the first of the annual whining threads about how unfair it is to consider safeguarding children.

TrulyMadlyBeefly · 05/12/2019 13:10

How I miss the joy of watching the nativity through someone's iPad screen.

YANBU, safeguarding is everyone's responsibility.

Sirzy · 05/12/2019 13:12

Yanbu.

With photo editing tools now it is so easy to block out any other children on a photo so there really is no need to ever share a photo of another child unless you have consent from their parent/guardian to do so.

Our school asks every year for photos of other children not to be posted and every year there are photos up. These will be the first parents to complain when their actions lead to a ban on photos at events.

It really isn’t worth potentially putting a child at risk for the sake of a few likes

Siameasy · 05/12/2019 13:13

Yanbu at all - wish people would just watch the play and take a picture at the end
We went to a fireworks display and loads of people were filming it. Just enjoy it!!

Buddyelf · 05/12/2019 13:18

YANBU this is a major pet peeve of mine. Every year we, as a group of parents, are explicitly told that we can take as many pictures and videos as we want but they are not to be posted on social media and every year they are. I cannot understand why some people don't understand this simple instruction.

IggyAce · 05/12/2019 13:19

Our school used to let you take photos during performances with the request not to be posted on social media, but too many parents ignored that request so now it’s no photos or videos at all.

Likethebattle · 05/12/2019 13:21

I have a friend with an adopted son. He was adopted due to his parents not being able to care for him properly. The parents tried to
Block the adoption. His picture is never online as it would be unsafe. I worked with a woman who said her S hoo doesn’t allow it and one of our naive colleagues said ‘you should appeal to their better nature I’m sure they’d let you!’ No it’s for good reason!

andpancakesforbreakfast · 05/12/2019 13:23

It really isn’t worth potentially putting a child at risk for the sake of a few likes

I don't disagree at all with the original post, but let's be a bit sensible for others too, shall we? You do realise that some parents are unable to attend, are in hospital, same for relatives.

You can't ask others to be respectful when you clearly show no regard for them and dismiss their reason for wanting to see their child.

Again, I don't disagree, but come on, it's not about a few "likes".

Sirzy · 05/12/2019 13:24

Posting the photos on social media when asked specifically not too is about a few likes.

If parents can’t attend then take photos and show them. Take photos and block out e other children. But sharing photos of other children is nothing to do with parents having to work!

blackteasplease · 05/12/2019 13:28

Quite right OP

TrexDrip · 05/12/2019 13:30

Both my kids are adopted and there is always a speech at the start saying don't take photos. If they want to take photos of just their own child that's fine but please do not include mine as i don't fancy birth parents finding where they go to school, where we live, and approaching them. It is a matter of safeguarding and often it gets forgotten about in the moment including an end of year assembly last year were my daughter and a couple of other kids were being presented with a certificate by the Head and she said to us all to take photos. I then had to ask the parents afterwards not to post them on social media while feeling embarrassed even though we are very open about their adoption

Musicalstatues · 05/12/2019 13:34

It’s no photos at our school as well. However, the school photographer comes in one morning and all the reception children have their photos taken in their costumes. Parents can then buy them when they come to see the nativity. Win win as the school make some money from it as well!

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 05/12/2019 13:37

Well said TeenPlusTwenties.

My son had a fostered child in his class who would have been at serious risk if her whereabouts was plastered over social media. Why some people assume asking not to take photos is some sort of PC gone mad nonsense is beyond me.

andpancakesforbreakfast · 05/12/2019 13:40

Sirzy I am not talking about the social media aspect, but the right to take photos or videos. People record their own children for more reasons than a few "likes" and again, it's not just about having to work

Why do people ignore requests? For the same reason that you have such an unfriendly attitude, complete disregards for others.. that was my point.

And again, I am not disagreeing with banning photos videos from social medias, but you can be civil about it.

hariboismydrug · 05/12/2019 13:44

One of my kids schools allow photos one doesn't and everyone seems to follow the rules.
I wish no photos were allowed and you just got a picture of your own child in costumes taken by the teacher.

LolaSmiles · 05/12/2019 13:46

I don't disagree at all with the original post, but let's be a bit sensible for others too, shall we? You do realise that some parents are unable to attend, are in hospital, same for relatives.
Most schools have been sensible. The problem is there are always idiots who think the rules don't apply to them so blanket bans have to happen.

So in a situation where there's two choices:
Choice 1 - take appropriate safeguarding steps to keep children safe
Choice 2 - risk making a child's school and location known because some relatives night want to watch a video of play

Anyone who thinks "but my desire to watch a nativity is more important than the safety of other children" needs to give their head a wobble I'm afraid.

andpancakesforbreakfast · 05/12/2019 13:49

Anyone who thinks "but my desire to watch a nativity is more important than the safety of other children" needs to give their head a wobble I'm afraid.

and again, spectacularly missing the point.

which is one of the reasons why some people completely ignore the guidelines, but some people refuse to understand that... Yes there's always one who will ignore everything, but that's not true for everybody..

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