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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School Nativity & Photos

66 replies

TeenPlusTwenties · 05/12/2019 10:39

AIBU to do a pre-emptive thread about photographs/filming of school nativities?

Please if your school say no photos or films, then follow the rule.
If they say OK to photo/film but not on social media, then follow the rule.

This isn't about over the top concerns about privacy, not scaremongering there is a paedophile on very corner. It is about the important few children for whom having their location visible online could cause aggravation or real danger. Those who have fled domestic violence or have been adopted or similar.

And no, your 'right' to post on social media does not trump a child's right to be in their own school performance. Children shouldn't have to not take part, or be in a mask just so you can boast about Alex being third star on the left, or Mary or Herod.

Thank you.

OP posts:

OneDay10 · 05/12/2019 13:58

Our school allows photos but you can buy a copy of the professional video afterwards to minimize people distracting others. My ds attends a private school, and their policy allows photos. I just cant imagine how though that an at risk child has never been an issue. I also wondered how purchasing a professional copy minimizes any risk because all kids are still on it to do with as you wish.
I've only ever heard of this no photos allowed on MN though.

BreconBeBuggered · 05/12/2019 14:05

Schools are often good at discreetly removing at-risk children from planned photo opportunities. It's really not up to maverick parents to decide there is no risk because they only plan to show pictures/footage to family members. Parents are there by invitation - school performances are not public events.

Original poster

TeenPlusTwenties · 05/12/2019 14:12

Schools are often good at discreetly removing at-risk children from planned photo opportunities.

Exactly. The other kids really don't notice. At DD's school they were whisked away first or 'helped the photographer'.

You never know who knows who. I once had a parent come up to me and say 'I was visiting my parents and chatting to their neighbours and I think the neighbours are related to your DC'!
Luckily the parent was sensible enough to keep quiet about knowing the DC. But it made us extra cautious.

OP posts:

cjt110 · 05/12/2019 14:13

100% agree. Who knows if the child stood next to little Johnny is subject to care proceedings and it risk their safety.

We are told we can take photos, but they are not to be shared on ANY social media such as Facebook or Whatsapp.

It then puzzles me I guess that the local newspaper has photos of all the new starters each year, stating their class number and school and our school itself posts pictures of the children on their website and also their social media pages.

MrsNoMopp · 05/12/2019 14:13

I completely agree, OP. In fact I think it's right that parents are given this choice, even when it is simply their personal preference, let alone when there are serious safety reasons.

Original poster

TeenPlusTwenties · 05/12/2019 14:15

I would think that complete no photos is usually due to parents in the past failing to stick to the 'not on social media rule', or due to simply distracting the kids.
It could also be that the risk to a specific child is just so gigantic they can't risk it at ll.

OP posts:

Original poster

TeenPlusTwenties · 05/12/2019 14:17

cjt110 our school published in local paper new Reception classes and nativity photos, our DD just weren't in them except for the year the local paper screwed up and didn't get picture authorised with the school.

OP posts:

lilypainter · 05/12/2019 14:18

I expect that the schools make sure that any children who can’t be photographed aren’t included in these photos....

tldr · 05/12/2019 14:26

I have no idea who wants the school class photos in the paper either, but my kids are never in them.

Which is possible when it’s one school photographer, not everyone in KS1’s parents.

0hT00dles · 05/12/2019 14:27

Agree.

Our school always state 'you can take pictures/videos but it is not okay to share online'.

In our class groups, all the parents who took photos/got good shots share them on the WhatsApp group so it means we always get loads of good photos of our kids.

There's on girl in my dd's class who doesn't know she's in the school and he's not allowed near her so it's pertinent this rule is followed. Only problem to that is the school share photos on their website and she's in them. With no issue from her mum.

mrssoap · 05/12/2019 14:29

Agreed. Our school allow photos but to blank or crop put other children if posting on social media. Fair enough.

cjt110 · 05/12/2019 14:33

I assume we must have signed something to do with photos then? I hope they do take responsibility for those who are at risk

MonsterKidz · 05/12/2019 14:36

My school is no photos or videos at all.

We say this: As your child is performing their little heart out up on stage, sharing with you the most special story of the Nativity, they look out to you and your eye contact means the world to them, the connection, the joy, is shared right there. Please do not have a screen blocking that interaction.

After, we all go back to individual classes and take group or individual photos in front of the christmas trees.

Original poster

TeenPlusTwenties · 05/12/2019 14:36

cjt In all the loads of forms you signed when your DC started school there will have been something about photo permissions. If not, your school will bomb out on safeguarding at their next Ofsted!

OP posts:

lilypainter · 05/12/2019 14:51

We had a permission form for photos included in the pack of forms to fill in when my DC started nursery and both of the schools they’ve been to, I assumed that such forms were standard practice?

LolaSmiles · 05/12/2019 14:53

and again, spectacularly missing the point.

which is one of the reasons why some people completely ignore the guidelines, but some people refuse to understand that... Yes there's always one who will ignore everything, but that's not true for everybody..
Not missing the point at all

Blanket bans are a reasonable response if schools have said "yes but..." And some people can't help decide they're a special case.

I'm not saying it's true that everyone ignores the rules. I'm saying harsher black and white rules need to exist because there's always someone who thinks that their photo doesn't count, once they've sent the video to aunty Pat it will stay with her and not end up on social media, that the photo with another child in doesn't count because it's just the side of their face and cropping them out to much would ruin the photo of their child, that their relative's need to see a video is oh so important and more unique than anyone else's situation.

tillytrotter1 · 05/12/2019 14:54

Also, if you do want to film it please try not to hold your iPad up blocking the view of everyone behind you!!

I get tempted to suck a piece of tissue good and soggy then flick it!

BlingLoving · 05/12/2019 15:06

I think schools with an entirely no photo rule are a bit silly because I certainly enjoy looking back at some of the hilarious old nativity photos. but completely agree that it's because some parents are too thick to understand the "no social media" rule. It's really not hard.

A member of the PTA committee shared a photo the other day with half a dozen kids visible in the background. I was absolutely gobsmacked. When I was in charge of the PTA's social media I was obsessive about checking if any children in a picture could be included - by asking parents. But mostly we just found ways around it by only showing backs of heads, pics of teachers etc.

Our school does ask for no photos on WhatsApp. Which seems a bit silly but I do understand the thinking - it can go everywhere. But I'm afraid I do send pictures to my parents on WhatsApp because they'r din another country and quite frankly, wouldn't know how to share them to facebook or twitter if their lives depended on it!

BlingLoving · 05/12/2019 15:07

by asking parents. or, if we had loads, we'd ask the school to pick one or two appropriate ones (so it wasn't obvious which ones they were removing for the purposes of safeguarding).

Etihad · 05/12/2019 15:07

Thanks OP, and it’s great to see lots of other people agreeing. My DD is adopted and it’s a nightmare, I really feel like ‘that’ parent - especially when I have to keep asking the same family to crop her out of photos on their child’s Facebook page (which doesn’t have any security settings on)

This year I get the feeling school are fed up of me too: DD is a shepherd and I could barely see her face for tea towel From now on it will be known as the ‘safeguarding tea towel’ - though I dread to think how they will top it next year!!

Drizzzle · 05/12/2019 15:16

If you want to show relatives, one parent is in hospital etc posting on social media really isn't the only solution! The whole world doesn't need to see. How about Whatsapping, emailing, showing the photo in person etc?

elliejjtiny · 05/12/2019 15:18

Yanbu. I like to take photos of my dc at school events but I would never put a photo of anyone else's child on social media unless the parents said it was ok. School have said we can take photos but only share the ones of our own dc on social media so that's what I do. Preschool had a strict no taking any photos policy so I haven't taken any. It would have been nice to have one when they had their leavers thing but not worth the risk if there are safeguarding issues.

Drizzzle · 05/12/2019 15:18

Ok, so some schools ask you don't post on Whatsapp. Well, people did manage to share photos before social media and digital cameras! ;)

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/12/2019 15:37

@andpancakesforbreakfast - if it was a choice between an adopted or fostered child, or one whose parent has fled domestic violence with them being able to be in the nativity play, and an adult who can’t attend (even for a good reason like being in hospital) being able to see a video of it, which do you choose?

Because the choice could be that stark for some children. The risk of them being spotted and traced by the birth parents or a violent parent would be too great - and I know that, if some parents are allowed to video/photo the nativity because they have an unimpeachable reason for doing so, other parents will say ‘Well - they can, so why can’t I?’ - and the pictures/videos end up on social media.

Personally I would rather miss my chance to see a video of my child in the nativity than risk a vulnerable child being put at risk.

andpancakesforbreakfast · 05/12/2019 16:12

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

you are COMPLETELY missing my point. I have repeatedly stress that I don't disagree with the guidelines.

My point is that instead of telling parents that it's banned and they are a twat if they ignore the rule because their little social media "likes" are pathetic (which is pretty much what some posters are saying), stressing that it's only for the safety of children - family situation, parents jobs - and that even the strictest security settings are not safe enough, gets a better response.

Let's be honest, if you REALLY want to record kids without being seen nowadays, nothing is easier. You can only limit the amount of people who didnt' give it too much thought in the first place.

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