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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want more babies

46 replies

Reallytired · 22/08/2007 14:46

Stuff contraception....

I'm broody. Problem though is that my husband isn't. I don't want to trick him into having another baby. I think its important that he is in full agreement.

Husband is open to the idea of getting drunk though...

OP posts:

bogie · 22/08/2007 14:51

not unreasonable
I'm in the same position so i got my coil out and told him that if he doesnt want another one he has to stop it : ) tried getting him drunk he just falls asleep

auntyspan · 22/08/2007 14:53

YANBU. I want another one too. Drunk doesn't work, now gets suspicious when i open a bottle of wine and is now more familiar with my cycle than I am.

LoveAngel · 22/08/2007 15:12

YANBU to be broody, but I wouldn't (seriously wouldnt) advise getting pregnant without full consent of your husband (iyswim!?!). Can't you reopen the 'debate'?

MrsWeasley · 22/08/2007 15:17

my DH said he didnt think he wanted another child (after saying he wanted loads) so I said ok we dont need to have sex again then, He lasted 2 weeks

I would have loved more (already have 4) but DH doesnt so we agreed not to have anymore for practical reason really (like money !!)

Original poster

Reallytired · 22/08/2007 15:25

I'm not planning on tricking my husband. I'm looking for ways of gentle persausion.

Prehaps hypnotism...
Or kidnapping his PC? (Ok that is unreasonable!)
Banning him from watching football.

OP posts:

LoveAngel · 22/08/2007 15:29

Does he know how much you want it? Some men put 'broodiness' down as something trivial and fleeting - a phase - 'she'll get over it eventually' type thing.

12lbnaturally · 22/08/2007 15:39

Try not to harass/nag your man about it(easier said then done when you're broody) or he might end up getting the snip on the quiet then its out of your hands.

NAB3 · 22/08/2007 15:40

Maybe he wants to be able to blame you. "You got me drunk. You look after him/her"

harleyd · 22/08/2007 15:44

i have 4 and am planning on at least one more. dh hasnt said much either way. i reckon the promise of a bit more action would sway him to agree

WinkyWinkola · 22/08/2007 15:53

How many have you got so far, Reallytired?

Original poster

Reallytired · 22/08/2007 16:09

I got the one. He is five years old and desperate for a sibling. Sometimes only children get lonely and I think its quite reasonable that my son wants a brother or sister.

I enjoy having a brother and I would like my son to have the advantages of having a sibling.

OP posts:

WinkyWinkola · 22/08/2007 18:48

Then YANBU. Plan your negotiation with a bottle of bubbly and your best lingerie.

hellobello · 22/08/2007 21:53

I expect you could negotiate something?

Dh had 3 before we met and didn't want any more. I said that we really couldn't stay together if I wanted kids and he'd had his. Now we have 2. I sometimes think I'd like another, but the baby is still a baby and we'd be seriously ancient parents! You're not being unreasonable, and I think our bodies do funny things when we want something like a baby. It's strangely physical, isn't it?

flightattendant · 23/08/2007 07:10

No, YANBU at all especially if you plan on being honest...well, only because you plan on being honest!

I want HUNDREDS!!!!

Good luck!

Original poster

Reallytired · 23/08/2007 17:22

"I want HUNDREDS!!!!"

My husband might try and stop me using mumsnet. You lot are a bad influence ... lol

Especially since there are twins in my family.

OP posts:

flightattendant · 24/08/2007 12:56

fiddlemama · 24/08/2007 13:39

YANBU Of all the only children I have as friends (7) only one says she was happy to be an only child. All the others wanted at least one sibling. My BIL is an only child and now he is solely responsible for an ageing mother and I know that (although he says he never really thought about it whilst growing up) he would dearly love to have someone now to share the load.

Be careful how you go about tackling the problem as I know from experience that conflict over this most basic of relationship dilemmas can lead to real heartache.

I wanted a whole football team and at first DH said he wanted the same.

After we had two he then said he didn't want any more. DD2 was an "accident" due to lack of control (wine was involved) and he very nearly left me over it. It was in no way deliberate on my part btw.

I had had 2 cs's already, so had to have another, and my original ob had advised me not to have more than three (sections that is). However, had DD2 in a different hospital under different consultant who said she was happy to perform up to five.

I had a real yearning for more but DH put his foot down and went for the snip at a private clinic (NHS wouldn't do it without my consent). Perhaps if I hadn't nagged him so much this wouldn't have happened(see 12lbnaturally).

When I found out what he had done I am ashamed to say I was so enraged that I gave him no sympathy for his pain whatsoever and went into a deep depression.

It really killed our relationship stone dead as I never recovered my libido and sex is now such a chore (and I'm a hopeless actress) and has now ceased because a) I hate it and b) DH says he can't enjoy it if I don't (makes him feel guilty).

whiskeyandbeer · 24/08/2007 15:25

"NHS wouldn't do it without my consent"

are you serious?

fiddlemama · 24/08/2007 15:54

WandB Well he went to our GP and came home with a form which I had to sign saying I was happy with the decision to have no more children and I didn't want to sign it.

The GP told him that he (GP) could take things no further in the light of that and so DH went to a private clinic.

It was 11 years ago so don't know if things have changed or if it was just our GP. To be honest, at the time, I just didn't want to discuss it.

whiskeyandbeer · 24/08/2007 15:58

that's shocking. sorry completely unfamiliar with the NHS as i'm irish.
do they perform abortions for patients, and if so do they have a similar approach.
not trying to start a woman/mans right over there own body/abortion argumnet, it's illegal over here so i'm completely unfamiliar with any of the legal or beauracratic procedures.

cylon · 24/08/2007 16:00

yabu. try babysitting your friends kids if you are so broody.
in fact, come and have mine

fiddlemama · 24/08/2007 16:33

WandB Don't think that there is the same attitude over abortions as same GP, when I went for pregnancy test with DD2, actually suggested an abortion! (I was upset that I was pregnant when I knew DH was so anti at the time and, desperate as I was for another, would much rather have waited until he, hopefully, gave in and agreed.) Was just really "unloading" to GP but he suggested early abortion and said DH "would not need to know then, would he"!!

Fortunately DH is still enough of a Catholic (though very lapsed) not to be able to countenance abortion any more than I could so he didn't suggest it when I finally plucked up the courage to tell him.

He was very angry though that I had "allowed" myself to get pregnant!! (He knew I wasn't on the pill at the time but it was still all my fault apparently) I had to go through nearly the whole pregnancy pretending I wasn't whenever DH was around and if one of the other children made reference to the new "baby in mummy's tummy" he would say nothing and just leave the room.

He came round just a couple of weeks before the birth and he loves her dearly now and refers to her as his "bonus ball", thank the Lord!

whiskeyandbeer · 24/08/2007 16:44

jesus that's interesting.
i'd always known that a woman could pretty much independently get an abortion hence my shock at your husband needing your consent.
didn't mean to be nosey or judgmental if any of my posts sounded that way, honestly just interested as i'm still not completely sure on my feelings on abortion. (in theory against it, in practice i can understand certain situations but have always had a problem with the idea of a woman being allowed to abort a mans child without his consent.)
but as i've said i'm not looking for that debate i was just trying to explain my interest as you mentioned in this reverse situation (so to speak) your husband required consent.

fiddlemama · 24/08/2007 16:57

Don't feel you're being judgmental at all and no offence taken

Agree totally re "double standards" but can't really help you as to whether it is accepted generally in NHS or whether it is something left to each GP's "discretion"!?

The cynic in me says it's probably all down to possible litigation ie. I could theoretically have abortion and DH never know whereas if he was sterilised without my knowledge or consent I would be bound to find out sooner or later.

Also any poor guy fighting for the life of his unborn baby has to face the onslaught from the pro-abortion movement which is pretty indomitable.

It's a tricky one isn't it? I know where I stand on abortion for myself but would defend anyone else's right to do what they think best. However, it does take two to make a baby so I don't see why the father shouldn't have some say if he feels strongly. Of course if he's not interested or agrees then like I said, it's not for me to judge; each to their own.

juuule · 24/08/2007 17:13

Would a woman need her husband's consent to have an NHS sterilisation? I think that is a fairer comparison than abortion.

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