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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want more babies

46 replies

Reallytired · 22/08/2007 14:46

Stuff contraception....

I'm broody. Problem though is that my husband isn't. I don't want to trick him into having another baby. I think its important that he is in full agreement.

Husband is open to the idea of getting drunk though...

OP posts:

fiddlemama · 24/08/2007 17:19

I really haven't a clue but good question! Any GP MNers out there!?

juuule · 24/08/2007 17:20

According to the FPA consent is not required by law but it is preferred.

fiddlemama · 24/08/2007 17:26

Answered your own question then So it seems that my GP was just acting on his own judgement.

flightattendant · 24/08/2007 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

flightattendant · 24/08/2007 18:02

Sorry if that came across as really defensive, I too have unclear feelings on abortion, it was just your point made me think Gosh there are so many complicated scenarios when things are right and wrong...

fiddlemama · 24/08/2007 18:20

flightattendant Don't think W&B will reply as she/he (think they might be male?) didn't really want to get into a debate.

I am sorry for you that you had such a dreadful experience and glad things seem to be ok and long may they remain so!

Like I said, it is a tricky one and totally sympathise with your position. I think each case has to be judged by the medics on its own merits and in the case of a proven violent partner there should be provision to ignore his wishes. He's not going to be a fit person to bring up a child anyway is he?

Just feel sorry for some of the guys out there who have their babies aborted simply because the would be mother doesn't want a child. If just one of its parents wants it and is prepared to care for it and love it (on their own if necessary) doesn't seem right for that child's right to life to be ignored?

MyMILisDoloresUmbridge · 24/08/2007 18:56

fiddlemama, I am really at your dh's attitude to the pregnancy! Accidents can and do happen and it takes TWO PEOPLE for it to happen! How on earth could it be your fault more than his!

Original poster

Reallytired · 24/08/2007 19:05

"Just feel sorry for some of the guys out there who have their babies aborted simply because the would be mother doesn't want a child. If just one of its parents wants it and is prepared to care for it and love it (on their own if necessary) doesn't seem right for that child's right to life to be ignored? "

That seems a little extreme. The mum has to go through the pregnancy and give birth. She is the one who could suffer pre clamia or severe morning sickness. Lets face it its mums who have their careers f&%ked uo by having to take maternity leave NOT men.

There are other options like adoption, or suggoracy for men who want children and do not have a similar minded partner.

I am not exactly pro abortion. However I can see times when it is completely justified. Also I think there is a difference between an early abortion (A bunch of cells)and a late abortion (a baby who could be kept alive in a NICU).

OP posts:

flightattendant · 24/08/2007 19:21

I'm sorry, I didn't really expect a reply anyway fiddlemama - thanks for being so nice, I think I had my filter switched off today due to tiredness, and seeing that comment made me think about its justification, and yes, I think sometimes it is a fair point perhaps - I know she/he didn't want a debate and I was using the thread to clear my own head, sort out my thoughts about it - probably not very appropriate.
I didn't mean to cause any stirring. Just processing one idea.
Like I said though, arguments are plentiful on all sides of every situation...that was only one.

fiddlemama · 25/08/2007 12:29

Reallytired. I do take your point about the mum being the one who has to go through pregnanacy etc. However, most pregnancies are still relatively trouble free and I do not think that, with current legislation protecting pg women and mothers of young children so well that potential damage to a career is a good enough argument for aborting a wanted child. Even if it is just wanted by it's father.

Also re your point about adoption I think that some of the many mners desperately trying to concieve their own child might have something to say about the drive to care for a child which is one's own flesh and blood. Also because of the ease with which many abortions are procured in this country there are relatively few babies for adoption.

I'm with you on late abortion though. Theoretically in this country it would, at the moment, be possible for a doctor to be aborting a 24 week old "feotus" in one room whilst down the corridor another team of doctors could be battling to save a 24 week gestation "child". The only difference being the whether or not the woman carrying it wants it. Something about that fact makes me very sad and uneasy.

ThursdayNext · 25/08/2007 12:51

Was just going to post a comment about anomaly scans not taking place till 20 weeks, hence perhaps need for provision for late abortions.
However, it occurs to me that poor really tired probably doesn't care, she just wants to get pregnant.
Maybe stress logical-type reasons for wanting more children, possible benefits for DS etc? Doesn't he love DS to pieces, won't it be lovely to watch them play? Oh go on, you can persuade him.

fiddlemama · 25/08/2007 22:49

Thursdaynext. Or course there should be provision for late abortions when there is a real medical reason for it. In the case of an adverse anomoly scan result or the mother developing a condition which would be life threatening if the pregnancy continued for instance it should always be a option given to the parent/s.

Just think it is too easy to get a late abortion for no really good reason. I know of a fit and healthy girl who had one at 23 weeks just because it did not "fit in with her career plans" to have a baby just then. She simply dithered over it for so long before she sought medical advice. This was despite the fact that there was a close family member who was more than willing, nay eager to adopt and love and care for the child.

ScottishMummy · 25/08/2007 22:57

deep breath slow down - a child is for life an ongoing emotional financial social commitment not a sneaky o will he wont he want a baby maneouvre

maximummummy · 25/08/2007 23:21

No reallytired YANBU
i feel so desparate 4 another baby it's like a deep physical ache

singledadofthree · 25/08/2007 23:23

i'm a dim old bloke and would happily have more - and min arent far off leaving home. and promised meself a roam around the world for a few years once theyd gone.

flightattendant · 26/08/2007 07:03

Oh singledad, fancy getting together?

Sorry, highly inappropriate and cheeky...

Fiddlemama, I acknowledge that most pregnancies are relatively 'trouble free' in terms of safety to the mother and child...but I haven't ever known one person say that a pregnancy was easy, or that it didn't make her feel like utter sh*t for 9 months - then there's labour of course. It isn't something that you can just click your fingers and write off, really! All the man has to do is have sex with her.

This is without prejudice - I hate abortion myself. But pregnancy and childbirth is a pretty major deal to me, anyway.

Just my opinion.

flightattendant · 26/08/2007 07:05

PS at the 23 week example. That's kind of hard to reconcile. How awful.

flightattendant · 26/08/2007 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Oenophile · 26/08/2007 07:32

I was in your situation once - DD was 10 and I wa desperate to have another. I felt I was over-anxious about the one (was always imagining dire things happening to her, the slightest sniffle became something sinister in my mind!) and thought having another would mean I didn't have all my eggs in one basket, so to speak.

DH wasn't really keen but agreed to go ahead on one condition - that this time, he didn't have to do any of the getting up in the night! I agreed to that and DD2 was born two years later (it took a year of trying this time around.)

I think ideally it's very good that children have a sibling, if at all possible. My DDs are now 29 and 18 and I have the comfort of knowing that if/when anything happens to us (as it does, eventually ) they have a sister for support and just to 'be there'.

You could point those things out to DH (the importance of a sibling for 'roots' in time to come, the eggs-in-one-basket notion), maybe coupled to the promise of no-nights, if that's acceptable to you (I know that sounds a bit un-pc these days, but it was a real sticking point for my DH, and actually when it came to it and the baby was here he didn't always stick to it out of his own choice - I think smetimes men, or women come to that, can't imagine loving another as much as the first, but they usually do once it's here.)

Good luck - hope you find some way of agreeing on this.

twentypence · 26/08/2007 07:37

Ds is 4.5 and I told dh a couple of weeks ago that I would like to have another. He said no, and I decided that either I could be upset about that, or get on with things assuming that we will only have one child.

So far this has translated into eating out a lot more, as with just the one we can afford it, and booking another bonus holiday in January...but I felt it important to start somewhere We do have a nice life with one.

Dh is more averse to change than another child I think - so this is a nice shake up for him to take him out of his comfort zone anyway. Could this be the case with your dh?

twentypence · 26/08/2007 07:39

Oh, that's a point RT - how old are you?

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