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AIBU?

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Original poster

Children at Engagement Party?

44 replies

MummaBear120613 · 03/12/2019 21:18

My OH and I got engaged last week (eek!) and honestly I'm on Cloud 9. Talk has quickly gone to whether or not we're having an engagement party and if so what are we doing etc etc.

We've decided we'll probably do one in February (get Christmas out of the way, then January isn't really a good month for anyone) but I'm stuck with a) what to do and b) should it be a kiddie friendly or a child free event?

Now the latter I'm really torn on. We have a 6yo who is my absolute world and I can't imagine him not being there, and lots of our family / friends have kids too, in fact when I think about where the party would be I instantly start planning things to keep the little ones entertained; it will be too cold in Feb for a bouncy castle, should I get an entertainer, how about games, colouring, what can we do to keep them happy and not bored while the parents enjoy themselves too etc...

Basically I'm getting really worked up about it all. My sister gave me some firm words of 'this is YOUR engagement party, not a Childs birthday party think of yourself and not the kids for once!' she also highlighted that all the little ones would be there at the wedding and said that we should have our engagement party as a time to 'relax and let our hair down' without the worry of looking after little ones.

I know she's right, she did make total sense. But I can't seem to shift mum guilt. I'd love an 'adult only' classy cocktail party, but does that make me a d**k? I feel bad, guilty and so awful even considering it so any thoughts or advice would be hugely appreciated.

Basically the long and short of it is, should we do an afternoon thing, child friendly venue and super relaxed or an evening where we can get dressed up a bit more and party into the night?

(I'm aware even considering doing something without my child is selfish, please don't mum shame me, I'm just so so torn)

OP posts:
BadMomma81 · 03/12/2019 21:22

If there'sots of kids in your family /circle of friends, would having a kids free thing mean lots of the people you want there are unable to attend?

Why does it have to be a cocktail party or a children's party? Can you not just do an evening party, with a disco or band, put some food on and invite kids? Thry can have a dance, parents can go home when they want etc.

Spacerader · 03/12/2019 21:23

You can invite children without all the children’s entertainment. Children entertain themselves on the dance floor half the time.

The only thing to consider with lots of children being present, is that adults may leave much earlier than they would without children. Because they eventually get tired and grumpy and need to go to bed.

How about a child free evening. Have your son there for the first couple of hours then arrange a sitter to collect him. Friends of mine have done this in the past.

Whatsername177 · 03/12/2019 21:25

Have the party you want. People with kids might not be able to attend so as long as you don't mind, then it's fine. Who will look after your DC? I have two kids and would probably love a kid free night if I was invited to someone else's party. If it was my own party, I'd invite kids - there would be no one to look after my kids if not. But I'd just have a party. Kids are happy enough with a disco.

Darkstar4855 · 03/12/2019 21:28

I didn’t even know people had engagement parties! Basically it’s your party so do whatever you want. Not sure why you are feeling “awful” about wanting to spend an evening childfree.

Isithometimeyet0987 · 03/12/2019 21:46

My engagement party was strictly no kids I wanted to enjoy it, have a drink, a laugh and a dance without kids getting in the way. I had my dd at the time she was 2 at the time and I sorted out babysitters. My wedding was strictly family (or invited family) kids only, if some people didn’t come (only 2 didn’t and not child related reasons) then that was fine by me.

plunkplunkfizz · 03/12/2019 21:51

I'm aware even considering doing something without my child is selfish

What a load of rubbish.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/12/2019 21:54

Have an evening party- if kids come their parents will be responsible. Some music some food some drinks- some kids will come others won’t, no drama!

User342109097569098 · 03/12/2019 22:04

Why do you feel guilty for having an adult night? That makes no sense! Just because you’re a mum that doesn’t mean all life outside children stops. Have your adult party and have a fabulous time.

Mummyshark2018 · 03/12/2019 22:06

I've never known anyone in real life to have an engagement party. Prob been to around 30 weddings in total in my life. All my siblings and most of friends are married now but I would expect children to be invited to family parties as lots would find getting babysitters hard. Wouldn't take dc to friends party though.

virginpinkmartini · 03/12/2019 22:14

Don't want to be a party pooper, but I don't really 'get' engagement parties. I thought the wedding itself is the celebration of the love and the promises made, not the hypothetical verbal agreement made months/ years beforehand. If I was to throw such a celebration it would be a meal with friends, with a toast.

Love51 · 03/12/2019 22:15

Engagement parties are pretty rare. Mostly people just invite you to the pub to celebrate. I did go to one which was more formal affair, but they are so uncommon that there isn't a 'right' way to do them. It does sound like a lovely excuse for a cocktail party to me. I have a 6 year old currently, whenever I go out he asks to come with me but accepts when I say it is an adult thing. Just be really matter of fact about it - if he gets the vibe from you that this is something he should be upset about, he will oblige!

bridgetreilly · 03/12/2019 22:16

I'm aware even considering doing something without my child is selfish

It really, really isn't. That is ludicrous. You are perfectly entitled to sometimes do grown up things that your children aren't invited to.

TruffleShuffles · 03/12/2019 22:17

I think if you’re getting this worked up over the engagement party you may well explode when it comes to planning a wedding.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 03/12/2019 22:25

I also dont get engagement parties. Come celebrate me about to start planning to celebrate my wedding which you're also invited to (plus the invite to the hen / stag to celebrate you being single between the engagement and wedding). I've only been to one, where there weren't hen and stag parties.

Anyway sorry that's not what you asked, and I'm anti social anyway so just ignore my viewpoint on that!

My impression of engagement parties are that they are generally adult only / evening affairs. If its daytime, then you have to feed people and if you invite kids etc...it will basically just turn into a wedding without the ceremony. It's fine to have a few hours, one night, to celebrate you as a couple, without kids (obviously it gets more complicated if you do it anywhere other than your hometown or you have lots of friends living away that will have to leave kids behind etc)

RainbowMum11 · 03/12/2019 22:28

We did an afternoon/teatime party which went on to the evening - friends with kids came earlier, those without stayed later - wasn't a problem at all. Think I did some colouring books and stuff but most parents would bring things for their kids anyway

RainbowMum11 · 03/12/2019 22:31

And we only had an engagement party because the wedding was a couple of years away and I love a party - not for presents or anything like that at all, just nice to get family & friends together.

MissGiddyPants · 03/12/2019 22:31

I can never understand people who already have children bothering to get engaged. And being so excited about it.

And then having a party.

Hmm
Cohle · 03/12/2019 22:33

Do whatever you want! I'd probably have a party where kids were welcome but weren't specifically catered for entertainment wise. If you have an adult's only party that's fine but I think you have to accept that means some people won't be able to attend.

@MissGiddyPants don't be such a bloody misery.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/12/2019 22:37

I can never understand people who already have children bothering to get engaged.
So if you have kids, you can't essentially have an agreement to get married, which is what an engagement is? So unmarried people with kids shouldn't get married or the engagement should be presumed upon the exiting of the child from the mother's body?

CJsGoldfish · 03/12/2019 22:38

Don't want to be a party pooper, but I don't really 'get' engagement parties

Gifts Grin

loseyourself · 03/12/2019 22:41

engagement party = shakedown.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 03/12/2019 22:43

Congratulations on your engagement.

I don’t think you need to have a party at all. It is really not necessary in this day and age. Nobody expects it and it is faintly embarrassing.

VeThings · 03/12/2019 22:49

I’ve only ever known people to have engagement drinks in a bar, never a child friendly party.

Absolutely jo problems with going for an adults only, get dressed up, party the night away party.

Original poster
MummaBear120613 · 03/12/2019 22:50

Thank you all so much for your comments I really appreciate all your thoughts and for all of your words about it being ok to have a night off without the little ones! xxxx

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood what is embarrassing about it? Sorry I'm not trying to be funny I just don't understand what is? It's just a reason to get family / friends together for a party and a few drinks to celebrate as I'd imagine the actual wedding won't be for a few years with saving up etc

@loseyourself - what's a shakedown?

@MissGiddyPants - appreciate your views but being married is important to me and my OH so I don't think it matters that we have child first... And yes we are all super excited about it SmileSmileSmile

@TruffleShuffles haha I promise I'll definitely be much more calm with the wedding planning

OP posts:
Ihaventgottimeforthis · 03/12/2019 22:57

I'd jump at the chance to go to a party without children.
An engagement is as good an excuse as any.

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