. . . AND ungrateful?

[RedPandaFluff]

Arrrgggh this is so minor but it's one of a hundred times in our relationship where I've not felt listened to so the frustration is probably magnified!

DH and I agreed not to get each other "big" Christmas presents this year as we're having a baby and obviously have more important things to spend money on.

My craving has been freshly-squeezed orange juice and we nicknamed it "crack" because I was so addicted. At one point we were talking about getting a juicer but then I said "no, let's not, it would be like the nutribullet - we'd use it three times and then never again. So DON'T get me one for Christmas, for god's sake!"

I've just wandered into our home office and there's a present wrapped up - not even an attempt at being hidden - and the gift tag says "Dear RedPandaFluff - happy crackmas!" I looked at him and said "did you get me a juicer?!" and I could tell by his face that he has.

AIBU to be annoyed? Reading this back I come off as really ungrateful. But it's just so frustrating that he got me the one thing I've specifically said I didn't want. I also kind-of feel like a kitchen appliance isn't my ideal Christmas present either - surely it's about having a little treat just for yourself? Also the baby is due before Christmas so I'll probably not be bothered about orange juice anymore by the time I get it!

Ugh. We have bigger, more important things going on right now, and we're so incredibly lucky to be having this baby. I'm BU, aren't I? :-(

Cravings can go on for ages after the baby is born. I still get the occasional longing for ice cubes - youngest is 14 . . . . 😄

I would thank him for the thought

I would say thank you very much for the thought

What thought!? Buying what you've been specifically asked NOT to buy demonstrates a total lack of thought. Thought is exactly what was missing here.

Oh you are definitely not being unreasonable!
A week or so before my birthday the other year our oven completely broke. I told to DP that if he wanted to 'get' me something (we stopped exchanging gifts years ago) that he could get me a slightly nicer oven than we had before, it was black ad beautiful and easy to clean (so a gift that keeps on giving).

Anyway on the big day I was so upset that he brought me a £350 games console with games (mum so no time anymore). I did the fake 'oh thank you so much' while guests were here but I was so pissed off! The bloody oven was £20 quid more than that and we ended up with no oven for 3 months while I saved up for the new one. Luckily the hob still worked but it was hard to make meals on the hob EVERY NIGHT!

I never played the game (obviously I don't have time for that) and I still take the mick out of him for it now. But it caused very real arguments and I seriously considered leaving him.

So OP, I completely understand. You will have a house full of useless gadgets that DH wants for himself while what you really want (sensible spending at a financially unstable time) is not given. I would have a real talk. It's not about the juicer, it's about being a grownup.

(mum so no time anymore)

(obviously I don't have time for that)

Well obviously, as if a mum would ever have time for leisure .

Maybe he was trying to tell you to spend some time on doing stuff you actually want to do?

I’m hoping the bits missed out of this story are that he spent the £350 on a console which meant he couldn’t then afford to buy the oven, and that he clearly only bought it for himself as you’d never even hinted about it. Because otherwise ‘almost leaving’ someone for that is absolutely madness.

are you the one from the flowers thread

I’d be really losses off as well!

What did he reply?

Pissed

Nah, I don't think YABU or ungrateful, it would really nark me if DH spent money on something unnecessary when I'd specifically told him not to. Fortunately, my DH listens. But then I do put a lot of emphasis on the NOT in such sentences.

Can anyone top this - our first Christmas together (many moons ago) my DH got me a Ladyshave!!

It was a reasonably quiet Christmas day that year but mitigating circumstances were: we were very young, he left it to the last minute and bought it after his works do so not entirely sober, as the shops were closing and hadn't a clue what it was.
Yes we are still together, he is a good man really and has upped his game considerable since.
I'm laughing and wondering if anyone can top this?
Also love the freezer present story

If you really won't use it, take it back.

If he'd bought it before you said no, that would have been thoughtful.

Unfortunately woman are known to say one thing and absolutely mean the opposite. So to a man... Its do the other thing.

Some women-Op might not be one.

If not, why is her husband just disregarding her?

@Pineapple1 . . . like "no" when they mean "yes"?

@RedPandaFluff

Let's not start that shall we.

I think your sweeping generalisation about women saying one thing but meaning another "started it", @Pineapple1.

What a ridiculous, demeaning thing to say about women.

@RedPandaFluff unfortunately it's what men think, because it happens too often.

I think you’re an old misery guts.

"unfortunately it's what men think, because it happens too often"

That's how rapists think.

Bizarrely I get the feeling you are actually a woman not a man, which makes your horribly sexist and rape apologist comments even more depressing.

My DH certainly doesn't think I say one thing but mean another Do you know a lot of men who think this? Or if you actually are a man, do you genuinely believe this?

Why haven't you asked him to return it?

I am sure you deserve a present which is a) a surprise and b) something you actually would like

This is what Mumsnet is going to be like after Christmas, along with a gazillion gleeful goady fuckers all claiming the unhappy recipients are ungrateful.

Ffs Pineapple what a stupid and pointless comment.

He took the lazy option and rather than putting a bit of thought into getting you something else he just went for that because it was mentioned. So what if you're ungrateful! He has the opportunity now to return it and buy you something of equal or lesser value for which you will (should be?) more grateful.