. . . AND ungrateful?

[RedPandaFluff]

Arrrgggh this is so minor but it's one of a hundred times in our relationship where I've not felt listened to so the frustration is probably magnified!

DH and I agreed not to get each other "big" Christmas presents this year as we're having a baby and obviously have more important things to spend money on.

My craving has been freshly-squeezed orange juice and we nicknamed it "crack" because I was so addicted. At one point we were talking about getting a juicer but then I said "no, let's not, it would be like the nutribullet - we'd use it three times and then never again. So DON'T get me one for Christmas, for god's sake!"

I've just wandered into our home office and there's a present wrapped up - not even an attempt at being hidden - and the gift tag says "Dear RedPandaFluff - happy crackmas!" I looked at him and said "did you get me a juicer?!" and I could tell by his face that he has.

AIBU to be annoyed? Reading this back I come off as really ungrateful. But it's just so frustrating that he got me the one thing I've specifically said I didn't want. I also kind-of feel like a kitchen appliance isn't my ideal Christmas present either - surely it's about having a little treat just for yourself? Also the baby is due before Christmas so I'll probably not be bothered about orange juice anymore by the time I get it!

Ugh. We have bigger, more important things going on right now, and we're so incredibly lucky to be having this baby. I'm BU, aren't I? :-(

YANBU. Can’t you just ask him to return it? Surely he could tell from your reaction that you weren’t happy about it?

YANBU. I've heard that juicers are a pain in the arse to clean, that alone would put me off, especially with a newborn.

No idea how much they cost, but when the cost of the juicer is taken into account, it's probably no more expensive to just buy a nice orange juice from the shop when you want it.

Yanbu! I’d ask him to return it, you specifically told him you don’t want one!! Would it kill him to listen? No... I’d be a bit fed up, I don’t see how that is ungrateful

Given the context (and maybe because i'm a man and just don't understand these things) i've definitely done stuff like this before.

To me, the thing that stood out was you loved juice, you were talking about getting one, decided against it and then out of nowhere mentioned christmas. You weren't talking about buying it for christmas, you were talking about buying it right? you wouldn't be with him otherwise. So suddenly you talk about it as a christmas present and tell him not to get it but he's just hearing that as a wink wink nudge nudge I definitely don't want this for christmas by the way.

Again, maybe that's just me. Nobody else has picked up on it, but that's immediately where my brain went.

It’s a kitchen appliance. That, IMO, is not a present for a person, it’s for the kitchen and therefore necessary.

Buy him something he doesn't want for Christmas like a dishwasher or a cleaner maybe an ironing lady or if you have a dog? A dog Walker

Me and dh had agreed no gifts last year, just a stocking with £20 worth of bits in.
He added a blue tooth speaker to the top.
So I looked like a twat that I hadn't got him anything and he spent 11 months gloating he had got me the best gift last year.
It got pinched at work and he has stfu about it at last.

Maybe he just wanted a reminder to your craving during pregnancy and thought it would be nice to look back on..maybe threw being practical out the window and indulged in the excitement of baby being due soon

I would keep the juicer as it'll be useful for the baby, but would have another present which I'd buy myself.

Just return it and buy yourself something nice but impractical! I often return things my dh buys me - most men are just rubbish at stuff like this!

Return the juicer and blend the oranges up in the nutri bullet. I do this every morning and make lovely orange juice. I also add berries to make a smoothie.

RedPandaFluff do you know the sex of your baby!? I was exactly the same during my first pregnancy, drank absolutely gallons of fresh orange juice - literally couldn’t get enough of the stuff! I didn’t have the same craving with my next two babies and they were both the same gender. Just wondered if there was something to it?!

Oh I like that idea, @LEELULUMPKIN - Bucks Fizz on Christmas morning it is!

I'm having a girl, @LaLaLovely - does that fit the theory? :-)

Ach I'm not bothered anymore. It was a moment of frustration and it's passed. Probably the solution of adding alcohol helped . . . ;-)

No doubt he meant well. He probably thought you wanted one really, but that you felt the expense of one couldn't be justified with other more essential things to buy.

You have two choices really, to tell him to return it and buy something else, or accept it as a gift.
One thing I will say is they're a bit of a faff to clean, it's much less hassle to grab the bottle/ carton out of the fridge.

@FatherB . . . interesting . . . but, no! I feel like there is enough scope for confusion and crossed wires in life without saying something but meaning the opposite!

My first was a boy! I was worried he’d be glowing by the time I eventually popped Congratulations, enjoy the Buck’s Fizz!

Mines ordered me a very ugly purse.... I did hint that mine had broken. And I accidentally stumbled across the receipt on the computer.... Its ugly as hell. I've attempted to hint what I like in a purse.... But so far he hasnt noticed. Think I'm gonna have to use the ugly one for a week or so.... N then store it away never to be seen again.

First Christmas present after we were married - started to rip the paper off and it just came out of my mouth: That had better not really be a juicer.

It was. It was promptly returned. Last time I got an appliance as a present. I know, ungrateful me, but still.

I feel you, OP!

@LaLaLovely I also had the orange juice craving during 2nd pregnancy and a few people told me that it was a sign I was carrying a girl. I wasn't. Now have 2 boys. Although didn't have same craving during 1st pregnancy (that was for cornflakes).

Of course he meant well. But ultimately you said you liked something and that’s all he listened to.

I had similar the Christmas I was heavily pregnant with twins. We’d spoken about getting married and I explicitly said “do not under any circumstances get me a ring”.

He got me a ring.

It was returned a week after Christmas. Maybe it is ungrateful. But maybe he should listen.

Must add - he’s a million times better now, last Christmas I cried at one of the presents he got me it was genuinely so thoughtful.

I had an orange juice craving during pregnancy with DS1.

It carried on post birth, and it took me ages to realise his colic was caused by my OJ habit while bf'ing.... 🙄

I agree this is annoying. I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I also don't think he's being stupid.

I think the facts in his head were:

1. My wife is carrying my child.
2. My wife likes orange juice now.
3. She said she wanted a juicer.
4. She said the juicer was too expensive and not a sensible purchase.

So if given those facts, if your DH thinks that Christmas is a time for spoiling those you love or giving gifts that someone might not buy for themselves, the juicer makes complete and perfect sense.

Are you usually the type to say casual things like "no, let's not get dessert, it would be naughty" and then get dessert anyway? Could be he just thought your excitement would overcome your annoyance.

I'd be irritated, because he didn't listen to you. The poi t of a gift is to show you are thinking about the person it is for and what would make them happy.

I'd ask to return it too.

There’s still almost a month and he can just get you some jewellery or something personal as well. There’s no law to say you only have to receive one item or that this is the end all and be all of Xmas.