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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I BU or is DH?

47 replies

Feliznavidadismyfavourite · 03/12/2019 06:53

Had an argument with DH this morning. No doubt he’ll sulk all day but that’s another issue.

DD is 9 months old and has a horrendous cough (as do I). She seemed to be better during the day but last night she was just coughing constantly and DH had a bad night because of it. He usually does 2 (sometimes 3) nights of watching her and I do the rest.

The argument was about him supposedly saying we should call the doctors yesterday and I apparently said “no it’s just a cold” which I’m sure it is but I don’t recall ever having that conversation. So we argued as he said “I knew I should have called the doctors”. I deal with all of her appointments so he’d have had to have asked me the name of her doctors surgery anyway 🙄 but I just feel like he was making me feel like a bad parent.

I feel like he gaslights me sometimes saying things he thinks I have/haven’t said and I know I could be wrong but he does get muddled sometimes but it’s never him. He’s never in the wrong.

Sorry I’m rambling now.

I don’t know if DD has tonsillitis or not as I think we have the same cold. She had it a few weeks back and got given antibiotics, she was still unwell a week later so had another appointment but still coughing and her tonsils were fine. So I don’t know if it’s just a heavy cold or something worse.

My parents have her today and I’ve got a crazy day at work and DH has the car. He won’t take time out the day to take her to the drs (I can’t today because of work, I’m not actually meant to be in today).

OP posts:
Vulpine · 03/12/2019 06:58

If both of you have jobs where you wont/cant take time off work that's a bit rubbish for everyone involved.

TotalRecall · 03/12/2019 07:00

Nothing stopping him from taking her to the doctors if he thinks it’s necessary.

Ohdearohdearyme · 03/12/2019 07:02

I have to agree with PP, its dad neither of you are taking the time to call the dr and take her in.

You're both being unreasonable.

Ohdearohdearyme · 03/12/2019 07:03

Sad*

Original poster
Feliznavidadismyfavourite · 03/12/2019 07:07

He’s just saying over again “I should have called the doctors” hindsight isn’t going to help. Him taking the time off work for an hour or two to take her would which I can’t do

OP posts:
Original poster
Feliznavidadismyfavourite · 03/12/2019 07:08

I want to take her. I can’t take the time off work and he’s got the car. He won’t ask his work as he took a half day holiday yesterday last minute because he was unwell.

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 03/12/2019 07:08

If he 'knew' he should have phoned the doctors then he should phone the doctors.

If you don't know whether she's got tonsillitis, or something worse, and you're both unwilling to take time off to take her to the doctors, you're both being incredibly unreasonable and irresponsible. Poor baby.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 03/12/2019 07:09

You can both take time off legally. Stop trying to make excuses and take your poorly child to the doctors.

SimonJT · 03/12/2019 07:09

How long has the cough been there? If he actually wanted her to see a doctor he would have taken her there himself.

ltk · 03/12/2019 07:12

Someone needs to take the baby to the GP.

Call now and make an appointment. Tell work that your 9-month-old is ill and leave to take her in.

Then, once the baby's health has been seen to, you tell dh that he needs to be equally responsible for her doctors and dentists appointments, and later for parent-teacher conferences and school pick-ups and sick days.

Together you can program the GP's number into his phone.

JigsawsAreInPieces · 03/12/2019 07:21

If your baby is ill then you need to step up to the mark and get her medical attention if she needs it. She can't speak to say what's wrong so you must do it for her! He's quite capable of taking her to the GP, stop playing games with each other and think of your baby!

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 03/12/2019 07:23

Take your poorly baby to the Drs for Gods sake and stop trying to point score with each other!!!

I feel sorry for your poor child!!!

RebootYourEngine · 03/12/2019 07:25

Could your parents take her to the doctor's?

There is no harm in getting her checked out.

Sux2buthen · 03/12/2019 07:28

You both need to grow up
Take care of your baby, you two are all she has in the world
Ffs

Looneytune253 · 03/12/2019 07:33

To be completely fair though if she had proper tonsilitis she'd be more poorly than just a cough. Temp too high lethargic etc

Oysterbabe · 03/12/2019 07:38

My DD has had tonsillitis a couple of time recently and both time she was so, so unwell. High temperature, wanting to sleep all day, utterly miserable. It does sound like just a winter cough to me and chances are the Dr will do nothing. DH should take her though if he thinks she needs to go.

RedskyToNight · 03/12/2019 07:40

Agree with others. It doesn't matter if DH verbalised about the doctor or whether he just thought it. If your baby is ill, then one of you needs to take her! And you need a better system for dealing with these things which involves you both sharing the time needed. We can't judge who is better placed to do this today - the only message coming across is that neither of you want to.

cdtaylornats · 03/12/2019 07:42

If he 'knew' he should have phoned the doctors then he should phone the doctors.

And then cue rant on mumsnet about controlling DH taking child to the doctor without so much as asking me!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 03/12/2019 07:43

@cdtaylornats lol you're probably right with that!

JasonPollack · 03/12/2019 07:47

What do you mean, nights of watching her?

Dustarr73 · 03/12/2019 07:58

Temps in babies can cause convulsions.Just one of take time off and go to the drs.God love that poor child.

NotquitewhatImeant · 03/12/2019 08:02

Please take her to the doctors. Little children can go from ok to very very poorly in a flash - she’s probably fine but you can’t be too careful.

Quartz2208 · 03/12/2019 08:05

Just book an appointment and get your parents to take her

And then have a look at your relationship and how you communicate and responsibilities as it all seems complicated and point scoring

Mumshappy · 03/12/2019 08:06

Children come first not work one of you just take her to the doctors.

ReanimatedSGB · 03/12/2019 08:11

Yes, someone should take this kid to the doctor but please bear in mind that, for quite a lot of people, taking 'too much' time off, or taking time off at short notice, can lead to getting the sack, and the DWP will then treat you as though you made yourself unemployed because you are lazy and workshy, and make you wait a couple of months for any money. So there are people who live in real fear of upsetting their employers by giving any indication that they have any priorities other than The Good Of The Company.