Am I BU or is DH?

[Feliznavidadismyfavourite]

Had an argument with DH this morning. No doubt he’ll sulk all day but that’s another issue.

DD is 9 months old and has a horrendous cough (as do I). She seemed to be better during the day but last night she was just coughing constantly and DH had a bad night because of it. He usually does 2 (sometimes 3) nights of watching her and I do the rest.

The argument was about him supposedly saying we should call the doctors yesterday and I apparently said “no it’s just a cold” which I’m sure it is but I don’t recall ever having that conversation. So we argued as he said “I knew I should have called the doctors”. I deal with all of her appointments so he’d have had to have asked me the name of her doctors surgery anyway 🙄 but I just feel like he was making me feel like a bad parent.

I feel like he gaslights me sometimes saying things he thinks I have/haven’t said and I know I could be wrong but he does get muddled sometimes but it’s never him. He’s never in the wrong.

Sorry I’m rambling now.

I don’t know if DD has tonsillitis or not as I think we have the same cold. She had it a few weeks back and got given antibiotics, she was still unwell a week later so had another appointment but still coughing and her tonsils were fine. So I don’t know if it’s just a heavy cold or something worse.

My parents have her today and I’ve got a crazy day at work and DH has the car. He won’t take time out the day to take her to the drs (I can’t today because of work, I’m not actually meant to be in today).

FGS sake stop point scoring.
Here's a script for you both next time.

HIM “I knew I should have called the doctors”.
YOU 'You're right, we should have phoned today. the baby isn't well. Can you take her/him tomorrow? It's at X place, I can't take time off.'
HIM 'Ok, are you phoning them or me? I can go first thing'
YOU: 'You phone'

Go before or after work.
Use the walk in centres if you can't get an emergency GP appointment.

How does he not know which drs she is registered at?

How could he take time off for him being ill yesterday but not time off for his baby today?

Coughs can go on and on and on sometimes in little ones. My daughter had one that lasted about 6 weeks when she was 2. Nightmare city I feel for you! Raise her head as high as you can without her slipping down the bed, it helps a little bit.

DH should really take her to the doctor if he's that bothered. He's got the car and the capability. But if she's well in herself during the day it's likely the doc can't do anything about a cough.

I think you both need to prioritise your DD and get her checked out.

I'm rather stunned that 2 adults would behave like this, him sucking and you asking WIBU? On Mumsnet when you have a BABY who needs to be seen by a medic.

The pair of toy need to grow up or split up so you can prioritise your child over your spats.

*sulking

Op can't take her as her dp has car.

Today

Op can't take her as her dp has car.

This is not a reason.

He is gaslighting you OP.

Let me guess he also gives you silent treatment and it’s up to you to apologise and make up with him every time?

This is not a reason Of course it could be a reason. We don't know how the situation is between OP, the child and the doctor. Perhaps there is no public transport and it'd take hours to walk it. DP has the car, thus it's easier for him to do it.

Ask your parents to take her to the doctor if she needs to go.
If he thought it then he should have done it yesterday but either way you need to work out how to get her there today. He’s got no reason to be annoyed at you.

@changeforprivacy you are so completely clueless

@Damntheman

No it's not a reason. Deciding to take a baby for medical attention should based on the child's symptoms not who has the car that day.

you are so completely clueless

Care to elaborate?

OP and her DH are locked in a ridiculous battle and the child's medical needs are being overlooked, yet I am clueless

Coughing is worse at night because of lying down. Putting a wet towel on a hot radiator or repeatedly boiling a kettle in the room (safely) creates steam and helps. As does propping the cot a bit higher at the head end.

Other than, Perisoire has anyone actually paid any notice to the fact that the OP feels as if he gaslights her? I’m sorry your baby is unwell, OP and I’m sorry you feel as if he’s playing games with you.

What other type of things has he said and done, to make you feel as if he fucking with your head? Does he ever make ‘jokey’ comments to other people about your mental health or memory?

@T0tallyFuckedUpFamily we've all seen that but the child is our priority, as much as she should be OP's priority.

In regards to the medical issue, why couldn't your Parents take her?

But aside from that, as said, coughing is always worse of a night.

He needs to stop laying blame, properly co-parent and be proactive in sorting her out.

He very much needs to stop point scoring.

Deal with any abusive behaviour when things aren't as charged.

OP, do you think your baby needs to go to the Drs? If yes, then make an appt and take her. Yes, it sucks when work get upset, but that's what happens sometimes with babies.

If you don't think LO needs to see a Dr, and he does... well then he can phone the Dr and take her. And yes, it will impact on his work, but again such is life when you have a baby.

What he can't do is complain you haven't taken her when he also hasn't taken her.

So @Feliznavidadismyfavourite did you take the child to the doctor.Or are you and dh still trying to "win"