ExH expecting me to do everything?

[justanotherlemontree]

I’m feeling rubbish today (headache) so be gentle.

ExH and I have two children together. I work, he doesn’t. By law where we live (non UK) I pay all the children’s expenses.

He’s just messaging me wanting to know what presents I’ve got the children for Christmas so he will know in advance and he will “maybe” buy something else. I texted back “I’m at work” and got the immediate reply “So? When then?” (Ie when will I send the list).

AIBU to think he could have raised it completely differently?

I work all hours to support our children and when I’m not working, I’m racing around trying to sort presents/clothes/daily things that need doing.

I feel utterly rubbish today and I have had no time to myself in months.

He does nothing with his life and contributes nothing financially.

AIBU or would it be normal to expect a message more along the lines of, hey, I haven’t got anything for the children yet? Have you?

I feel so inadequate and hopeless.

Depending on how reasonable he is I would take this as an opportunity to redress the issue.

Presents are not an expense (that I’m aware of but don’t know your specific situation) and either he contributes equally with the finances and the choosing/buying of presents or they’re just from you from now on.

OP if he doesn't work, why does he see them at weekends? Why can he not have them mid week and you have them at weekends if you are not working then?

Also, you need to put boundaries in place right now, forget about the past, this is what you want from now on - all presents are from you, NEVER share time with him and the DC at Christmas (my Sis found this out the hard way) - it complicates your life as time goes on and it becomes a tradition you cannot get out of.

Just say no idea I'm busy.
Either he will ask dc and sort ot or he wont
Worst case they get two of everything
Or they get from you only
Let them know the truth
Oh dear nothing from dad oh well you can ask him when you see him

Just tell him that now you're separated it not appropriate to do joint presents so your gifts will be from you only. It's a really bad idea to continue doing joint presents for so many reasons