To feel like stretch marks are my fault?

[Illeana]

I was two stone overweight when I got pregnant. My skin was already stretched, so pregnancy on top of that stretched it past the point where it could snap back. My stomach is hideously loose, wrinkled and scarred and my self esteem is on rock bottom.

If I’d lost the two stone before getting pregnant that would have given my skin more leeway to stretch during pregnancy. So it might have snapped back without stretch marks. I look at my hideous stomach and I just feel so guilty and I hate myself, because it’s my fault that it’s like that.

I have stretch marks on my hips and breasts from puberty. I’ve never been bothered by them because the skin is flat and taut. But I’m massively bothered by my stomach because it’s loose and wrinkled and saggy, and it’s sore all the time. I have to use my hands to lift my stomach out of the way so my toddler can sit on my lap. I can’t run because it’s too loose and it hurts when it jiggles. Underneath the overhang is bright red and irritated all the time. I’m still fairly young and don’t feel I should just have to accept spending the rest of my life like this. Everyone else I know looks fairly normal but I still look pregnant. It’s upsetting and embarrassing when people ask me when I’m due.

If you’ve had a tummy tuck what was it like? If you’re planning one are you not afraid? I am, and also angry that I need it when others don’t.

I was slim when I first fell pregnant, nice flat stomach that I took for granted!
Two kids later my stomach looks exactly like yours! I have stretch marks going from the back of my knees upwards. I even have them on the top of my arms at the back. My belly button doesn't even exist due to the loose skin. I HATE how I look.
You are not alone! I plan to get a tummy tuck when I save up enough as it really does get me down & very embarrassed!

My DS has just turned 3, i was 10st when i was pregnant with him. Im now 8st and a size 8. I am slim everywhere apart from my stomach

I can grab a thicker handful of my stomach than i can my breasts, even if i breathe in i look slim but i still have loose wrinkly skin

I can pull my loose skin a good 2" away from my body

I know 2 woman who "bounced back" everyone else i know is like me,

Honestly, its normal. Have you ever seen animals after having multiple pregnancys? They get saggy bellies too

If you’ve had a tummy tuck what was it like? If you’re planning one are you not afraid? I am, and also angry that I need it when others don’t

You are wasting your time and energy being angry and resentful at others because of this. By all means investigate what, if anything, can be done to improve or fix it.

But there will always be someone who is better off than you - prettier, clever, richer, thinner - whatever your issue is. Same as there will always be others who are worse off .

Are you comparing yourself with the women whose kids have cancer or whose baby died ? Or those bringing up kids with severe special needs ?

I bet they would be pleased to only have a saggy tummy.

You seem to have very strong feelings - self esteem at rock bottom, angry and guilty. I think you should consider talking to a counsellor about this, to help you work it though.

I mean as well as trying to fix the problem, not instead of .

Life isn’t fair. It isn’t fair that you got beautiful babies at the end of your birth but mine didn’t make it into this world breathing. I’d trade all the loose skin and stretch marks in the world to have my baby breathing

Are you comparing yourself with the women whose kids have cancer or whose baby died ? Or those bringing up kids with severe special needs ?I bet they would be pleased to only have a saggy tummy

I hate it when people do this. OP isnt saying anything about her DC, she is complainging about somthing that is really bothering her

Why have 2 posters tried to make her feel guilty over pregnancy losses? Its harsh but its irrelevent to what the OP is discussing. Shame on you both for trying to make her feel guilty about things she cannot control with other woman.

My first baby died 2 hours after he was born and its made me really annoyed that people try to use a babys death to try and make someone else feel guilty.

Op was complaining about her stomach and stretchmarks, other peoples losses as sad as they are, are irrelevent to this discussion

NRTWT, but popping by to say I was 7st4 when I got pregnant and lost weight in the first trimester and I've got stretch marks. I've got them from pregnancy and I got them on my thighs when I was a teenager just through growing. My stomach is knackered, no belly button, extra skin, split muscle. What you gonna do? I'm at peace with my body. I can get fitter, but I'm never going to look better than I do now at 40 again, so I may as well make the most of it!

It's normal. I've had 4 kids and mine looks like a road map of silver and red lines. It hangs a bit. I don't care. My kids call it my baby pocket. DH doesn't even notice.

I was a size 10 when I got pregnant and got horrendous stretch marks. It’s down to genetics and your type of skin. And btw laser doesn’t work and just burns you for weeks after

Hi Op,
Sorry you are feeling so low about this.
Just a suggestion but my friend had lots of stretch marks and she started yoga and after a year and a bit they are gone.
Could you try a beginners yoga class? And not everyone who is in starts yoga is fit, I'm not and my friend wasn't when she started.

I'm a physio and have seen 100s of bodies.
Nearly everyone, men included have them if you know where to look. Most people get them in pregnancy, it is normal.
I have them under my tummy button. My skin looks more loose when I'm thin as there is not as much flesh to pad out the skin
There is a lot of blame attached to weight, it's a complex thing, try to be kind to yourself and not think about fault. Lots of very thin people get stretch marks in pregnancy.

Yoga tightens muscles, not skin.
The tummy tuck was like a c section in terms of recovery pretty much. Except I looked fab afterwards! The difference was amazing as I had such a flat tummy underneath absolutely masses of empty crinkly skin, so once that mass of skin was gone it was all tight and toned and fab. The scar is long but flat and doesn't bother me at all.

I think it’s just genetic, I used lots of creams with baby 1- no stretch marks. ( gained 5 stone 😱)
Baby two, used nothing really, no stretch marks, the consultant delivering asked what i’d used as my my skin was amazing. ( nothing)

Don’t beAt yourself up, I’m a little wrinkled but I’ve had two BIG babies,no stretch marks though. I agree that a little fat makes it all look better, but really who sees your stomach?

poster Blippolbblopp

I’m not trying to make the Op feel guilty - she says she ALREADY feels angry and guilty. Read her OP.

I’m suggesting that she speak to a counsellor about her feelings of guilt and anger as they seem to be contributing to her unhappiness.

My belly is worse than yours, even after more than a decade my belly button is still alien and hidden :/ my stretch marks go to my ribs, round the back too. I’m the same weight and size (apart from waist) as I was pre baby, so luck of the draw I guess. It’s not worse than surgery gone wrong tho, that’s how I look at it, I still prefer a bikini to a costume, honestly couldn’t care less anymore. I would never risk my life for something that is 90% of the time hidden. Google yummy tuck gone wrong and you’ll appreciate what you’ve got :)

KristinaM

The Op stated she felt upset and guilty over her body and her stretchmarks.... she didnt say she was upset about her baby or anything like that yet out of nowhere you wrote this

Are you comparing yourself with the women whose kids have cancer or whose baby died ? Or those bringing up kids with severe special needs ?I bet they would be pleased to only have a saggy tummy

Yes you did try to make the OP feel guilty for somthing she cannot control and isnt related to her OP in anyway!

Yes i saw you suggested a counsellor and i also saw you asked the OP if she was comparing herself to woman whose kids have cancer, died or special needs,

That was out of order to say that, its irrelevent to the OP's discussion and serves no purpose other than to try and make her feel guilty about other womans misfortunes.

My skinny friend got the most horrendous stretch marks. I didn't get any and I was pregnant with twins. It's total pot luck so stop being so tough on yourself 💐

@Blippolbblopp
Yes you did try to make the OP feel guilty for somthing she cannot control and isnt related to her OP in anyway!

Please stop telling me what I’m trying to do. You seem weirdly obsessed with trying to read my mind, telling me what I think and quoting me out of context.

You clearly haven’t read the Ops posts. I was addressing the points made by her about how angry she was at her friends, how unfair it was because they didn’t have the same problems and how she feels she’s not “ normal “ .

Many posters have pointed out that they have similar problems so she IS “ normal “ . Yes it’s upsetting to have these issues but telling yourself that you are abnormal won’t help.

As I said, there’s no point in comparing yourself to others , there will always be someone who is better off and someone who is worse off.

Constantly comparing yourself to those who “ snapped back “ as the Op put it, will only contribute to “ rock bottom self esteem “ , “ guilt “ and “ hating yourself “.

There’s lots of evidence to show that being grateful for what we do have contributes to good mental health.

www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier

So please stop distracting from the Op and her issues by trying to pick a fight with me. Im not interested.

Stretch marks are not your fault.

You seem weirdly obsessed with trying to read my mind, telling me what I think and quoting me out of context

I was quoting you word for word. I wouldnt call that weirdly obsessed. Id say you thinking an anonymous poster on a forum was obsessed with trying to read your mind..... is a very strange comment to make.

We will have to agree to disagree now because when you wrote to the OP Are you comparing yourself with the women whose kids have cancer or whose baby died ? Or those bringing up kids with severe special needs ?I bet they would be pleased to only have a saggy tummy

I took that comment to mean the OP should be grateful for her stomach as she wasnt as unfortunate as other woman,

It wasnt picking a fight because what you said was wrong. I was telling you that its not ok to make another woman feel like somthing she is unhappy about isnt as big as a deal because she hasnt had a child with cancer, baby dying or special needs

I dont want to derail the OP's thread so ill leave it as that, i wrote to the OP about my own expierience upthread, didnt want to distract her but also didnt want her to feel like she should just be grateful that she she didnt have a sick/dying/special needs child etc

My 2 very fit and healthy sons have stretch marks on their backS from growing fast they’ve faded now though.
My eldest son is 18, when I became pregnant with him I was a size 10 no stretch marks. He was a large baby and I got many many stretch marks loose skin and my tummy is a mess. Some people are more prone to this than others. I’ve put on weight and had 3 more children but my marks and skin are from that first pregnancy the last 3 added more and stretched me a bit more but the damage was done. Doesn’t always mean you should’ve lost weight tbh

Nobody seems to have commented on the fact that the OP is actually uncomfortable and in pain. Sounds to me like this goes beyond the cosmetic and "accepting not being perfect". Or should women just accept pain and discomfort as the price they have to pay?

OP if you want your body to be different then look into your options. But please don’t waste your life being angry that Sheila from across the road has a flat tummy and you don’t - what a waste of energy. It’s ALL luck and genetics, my friend who was 4 stone overweight didn’t get a single stretch mark, my cousin who was a size 8 pre pregnancy and exercised well into her 3rd trimester has got loads like you describe.

You haven’t caused your stretch marks but you can change how you view them and what you do about them now.

My tummy looks like that. I look fine in clothes, and with the right industrial strength undergarments can still look slinky in a close fitting dress. I even have a high waisted bikini that covers the worst of it. I'm slim, my skin just failed to cope with going from a 26" waist to 43" in pregnancy with about 3st of bump plus a bit more spread around my body.

I felt angry at first. A lot of it was tied up with the birth trauma of complications building up to my EMCS and a difficult recovery. Looking at my saggy, scarred abdomen was a constant reminder of difficult events that had spiralled beyond what I could reasonably anticipate. The CS left it numb so it didn't even feel like a part of me.

Time hasn't solved the abdomen, nor diet and exercise. I have accepted it with time. It's now been with me for half my adult life. I probably could improve it with a tummy tuck, but it seems like a lot of bother and expense.

If it is causing pain and restricting your activities, get it checked out. For me that would be a game changer for considering surgery.

It is all luck and genetics. I was gobsmacked to see friends in bikinis after having babies with no stretch marks. I have stretch marks from puberty just from growing taller. I have the saggy skin you describe. I'm at peace with it. My boobs still look fantastic and they were always my favourite part of my body ( shallow I know!)