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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like stretch marks are my fault?

76 replies

Illeana · 02/12/2019 05:58

I was two stone overweight when I got pregnant. My skin was already stretched, so pregnancy on top of that stretched it past the point where it could snap back. My stomach is hideously loose, wrinkled and scarred and my self esteem is on rock bottom.

If I’d lost the two stone before getting pregnant that would have given my skin more leeway to stretch during pregnancy. So it might have snapped back without stretch marks. I look at my hideous stomach and I just feel so guilty and I hate myself, because it’s my fault that it’s like that.

OP posts:

Gatehouse77 · 02/12/2019 12:17

My size 6 daughter who is too skinny for a belly button piercing 🙄 has stretch marks as does my son but neither have even been pregnant!

So, whilst your pre-pregnancy weight may have made a difference, it’s not the only factor.

MrsFoxPlus4Again · 02/12/2019 12:20

They aren’t. It’s down to genetics really you either going to get them or you aren’t. It’s not your fault don’t be so silly. Your allowed to feel negatively towards them but you can’t blame yourself.

Celebelly · 02/12/2019 12:21

My stretch marks appeared overnight late in pregnancy! I didn't have any before pregnancy. It's just one of those things. I also had a C-section and have a C-section shelf that I'm pretty sure will never go.

Pregnancy and birth is fucking hard on the body, and for every person that 'snaps back' (have you seen them naked to know this?) there will be someone who doesn't. I was watching a recent athletics championship and one of the runners there had recently given birth and her stomach was wrinkled and loose, and she was obviously incredibly fit. It's just life.

Durgasarrow · 02/12/2019 12:25

I was a perfect weight when I got pregnant the first time, and I got stretch marks with my baby.

puds11 · 02/12/2019 12:28

OP there’s a fitness instructor called Emily Skye who I follow as she has the excess skin left from pregnancy but doesn’t hide it. It does help with my confidence a bit seeing that. I’m at the stage where I’m yet to see the true extent of the damage but I’m 5 months post c section and it’s not looking great!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/12/2019 12:31

I was a size 6 when I fell pregnant, only put on a stone and a half and still ended up with stretch marks everywhere. Belly, boobs, bum, thighs.

It's genetics, that's all. Stretch marks are nothing to be ashamed of.

Auldspinster · 02/12/2019 12:37

I first had stretch marks as a slim teenager, due to my breast growing. Dont beat yourself up, it's normal.

Wattagoose90 · 02/12/2019 12:44

Just want to say I feel exactly the same and you're not alone. I've seen adverts for laser treatment to tighten them up but I'm scared to even book a consultation because I think it's likely it's far too bad for that kind of treatment to make any sort of difference.

I wasn't huge beforehand but I blame myself for not loosing weight before pregnancy and not keeping up a decent exercise routine whilst pregnant.

It sucks, doesn't it.

Jodie77 · 02/12/2019 13:04

Genetics play a bit factor. Does your mum have stretch marks? Might be why she thinks it's normal (which it is).

ISmellBabies · 02/12/2019 13:06

Rainbowtheunicorn, no offence to you personally but suggesting to someone with loose skin that they should diet and exercise is really fucking insulting. I had it all the time when I said to people I was getting a tummy tuck 'why not just diet and exercise?' er, because I wasn't fucking fat, I was slim and toned, I just had baggy skin which diet and exercise cannot possibly help. Tummy tuck is not a lazy bastard alternative to getting slim. You get slim first, then they fix your skin.

Rainbowtheunicorn · 02/12/2019 13:17

Well sorry if I come across as ‘really fucking insulting’. Please don’t be offended.

But for me swimming helped massively, as did gentle exercise like yoga. It depends on the individual completely. Yes loose skin can be impossible to get rid of but there may be ways to improve it or accept it. I wasn’t suggesting the OP is lazy. There’s nothing wrong with getting surgery and it certainly isn’t an easy option.

I agree Emilyskyfit is a great account.

beautifulxdisasters · 02/12/2019 15:01

Stretch marks are completely normal OP. I had them before I had DCs, on my hips and boobs.

Do you have a DP? Does he/she compliment your body? Mine does and I still feel I look great despite the war wounds...

nokidshere · 02/12/2019 15:07

Guilt is a completely wasted emotion and achieves nothing at all. Millions of people in the world have stretch marks and/or saggy skin and lots won't be overweight or have given birth. My oldest son has stretch marks from the summer when he was 13 and he grew 8 inches in 3 months.

You need to forget about the stretch marks and saggy tummy and work on being kinder to yourself and raising your confidence. If it weren't those things it would be something else, people are rarely happy with every aspect of their bodies, however they look to others.

iano · 02/12/2019 15:13

Op I was a size 8 when I got pregnant. My belly looks exactly like your's. I'm sorry youre feeling so down about it.
I felt the same after my first but feel a lot less bothered after my second baby. I have no idea why. Please don't beat yourself up. You're not the only one!

woodchuck99 · 02/12/2019 15:16

It surely to do with how rapidly your stomach expanded (which would mainly depend on the size of your baby plus amniotic fluid) when you're pregnant plus genetics. It wouldn't be anything to do with being overweight to begin with unless you had put on weight very rapidly prior to getting pregnant.

embarassednewname · 02/12/2019 15:22

I have been between a size 6 and 10 all my life and I have stretch marks on my boobs, hips, thighs and back of knees since I was 16. It has very little to do with weight, it’s mostly genetic. I have friends who have been heavy and are now slim and have very few stretch marks.

You have a beautiful baby, you created an actual human being. You really shouldn’t be beating yourself up like this (although I do this too, usually when I’m at a low point about other things so I understand).

HarrietTheFly · 02/12/2019 15:31

I had loose skin leftover from pregnancy and I've always bordered between being the low side of a normal weight and underweight. Mine did tighten up a bit over the years after pregnancy but it's still looser than it used to be 6 years on.

Stretch marks - I got them on the backs of my legs, my hips and breasts during puberty. I never gained or lost excessive amounts of weight in that time, it was from growing. I was horrified by it and it was a long time before I would wear anything that showed my legs. During pregnancy I got stretch marks all over my stomach as well as on my bottom (I think...I haven't seen them but I can feel them). The ones I can see have faded now but I can still feel them.

My friend had a lot more of an "overhang" from her pregnancy and she has had a tummy tuck now and she feels better about herself. If that's an option you wanted to take, don't think that you can't but equally don't feel that you have to.

You're blaming yourself for something that you really shouldn't be blaming yourself for. It isn't nice to see our bodies change from pregnancy. I know some women embrace it, I personally struggle with it. The worst part for me is my breasts. They're two different sizes now. I can't find a bra that fits them because of that and I hate them. It does help (me, anyway) to think about the amazing thing your body has done. Growing and nourishing a new life. Of course it will take a toll.

When I see women who don't give a shit about how they look, I secretly feel jealous of their confidence. It also makes me try to be the same way... it kind of inspires me (yes I am lame). I'm far too paranoid and insecure and I think it shows. Every now and again I have that "I don't give a shit" attitude and I feel so much better for it.

Also, sorry this is a long reply, but something I am trying to learn myself and I think you could do with learning, is that your body is your body. It isn't something you have done wrong or should be blaming yourself over. It's just your body. You don't owe it to anyone else to look a certain way. If it's unhealthy due to a bad lifestyle then you owe it to yourself to keep it as healthy as you can, but beyond that, how it looks, it's just how it is. I hope that makes sense. It's kind of what an ex said to me once when he realised how much I hated myself, and it helped me a bit. What's also helped me is having my DD. To me she's perfect and I'd be devastated if she had the feelings of hatred about herself that I have about myself. I don't want her to grow up thinking that way about herself and I would be so upset if I'd "passed on" my own insecurities to her.

BarbourellaTheCoatzilla · 02/12/2019 15:32

Life isn’t fair. It isn’t fair that you got beautiful babies at the end of your birth but mine didn’t make it into this world breathing. I’d trade all the loose skin and stretch marks in the world to have my baby breathing.

sonjadog · 02/12/2019 15:43

A friend of mine looked very similar to you after having a baby. She told herself everything said here, but in the end what worked for her was having a tummy tuck. It wasn't a pleasant experience having it, but it made such a difference to her self-esteem that for her it was most definitely worth it.

steff13 · 02/12/2019 15:46

Both of my boys have stretch marks (ages 20 and 18). They got them from growing from infants into adults. Neither of them has ever been overweight. Or pregnant. It's about how fast you grow. They each had a big spurt, and got stretch marks.

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 02/12/2019 15:52

Stretch marks are not down to weight but whether or not you have the random good fortune to be blessed with stretchy skin and how fast you grow.

It isn't a personal failure if you do get them, nor something to boast of if you don't.

Like a previous poster my son, now 20, has stretch marks from teenage growth spurts and is as thin as a rake.

BalloonSlayer · 02/12/2019 15:55

The only stretchmarks I ever got are on the tops of my thighs and on my bum. I got them when I was 14, presumably as the size of my hips and bum increased with puberty. But I was 6½ stone! I have been a lot heavier than that since, obviously, and had three pregnancies and never got any more. It's not your fault!

anothermansmother · 02/12/2019 16:00

I got stretch marks with both my first and second I was a size 4 when I got pregnant the first time and my stretch marks only happened 2 days before I gave birth. With my second I didn't think I'd get anymore as I already had them but I got more.
My eldest is 13 and I still have loose skin, the more Wright I lose the worse they get. I've been told medically the only option is a tummy tuck, but it's not a necessary procedure so it would have to be done privately. I've just learned to live with them. ( something I didn't think possible 10 years ago)

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 02/12/2019 16:02

Nothing can prevent stretch marks.

OneToughMudderFudder · 02/12/2019 16:06

My stomach is much worse than yours but I've had 4 pregnancies. The third one was twins born by c section and I had them 10 months after my 2nd. I used to feel like shit about it too but I happened across a DVD recently made just before I had my twins at 37 weeks and my stomach was about 4 foot in front of me so I don't feel like it's my fault at all. There's no way it would have snapped back!

I am planning a tummy tuck in another 6 months when I've got down to my goal weight and stayed there for a bit as I know nothing else will get rid of the loose skin. I work my stomach hard at the gym 3 times a week and I can feel that it is firm underneath the skin so exercise will build the muscles but certainly won't help with the saggy skin.

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