To be anxious
Starryskye · 01/12/2019 21:37
Hi all bear with me,
So my family and another family were all best mates and despite a few selfish moments on the other families side everything was fine. Me and the eldest girl had already fallen out due to an unknown reason to band so we didn't talk anymore.
This family tried to destroy my family's lives. The mom of other fam lied saying my parents raped her. In actual fact they had a tipsy threesome with photo evidence to prove it was consensual and she was smiling in pics etc. They told everyone in our small village so we had to move. Their eldest daughter told everyone at work (works with my mum) so she had to leave work because of bullying and gossip. Second eldest daughter of other family has caused several problems of similar nature to me mainly about gossip etc (no rape accusations) and resulted in huge fall out. She is in a long distance relationship with my bfs bro and they don't see each other much. However me and bf decided not to have her around our child so there's no negativity around child and because I'm still very hurt and angry for my family.
As I said the second eldest is going out with my bfs brother and they're now engaged. Aibu to not go to anything she's at including wedding stuff etc or even be in same room as her?
BetsyBigNose · 02/12/2019 01:42
Yes - definitely stay very, very far away from the lot of them. Seriously. Avoid eye contact and cross the road if you see them in the street, refuse to engage in any conversation about them. Literally try to forget they exist. Or perhaps emigrate.
Starryskye · 02/12/2019 09:52
Thank you and they're not like graphic pictures. They were sensored. I've been so worried that it's just me and my family being over sensitive or like it's not as bad as we think it is.
Honestly, thank you for the perspective and I know pictures don't prove consent. The other woman says she was super drunk, remembers nothing because she was unconscious and woke up to being raped so the pictures prove that wasn't the case because she is conscious and in no way restrained or being pinned down which as I say is what she claims happened
Cohle · 02/12/2019 09:58
The photographs show a snapshot, not the entirety of what happened. It's also perfectly possible to be too drunk to consent even if you are not unconscious (R v Bree). Did she consent to having to having photographs being taken and shared with what seems to be quite a wide audience?
I really think you should have as little to do with this situation as possible.
WorraLiberty · 02/12/2019 10:03
The other woman says she was super drunk, remembers nothing because she was unconscious and woke up to being raped so the pictures prove that wasn't the case because she is conscious and in no way restrained or being pinned down which as I say is what she claims happened
That still proves nothing. After the photos were taken she could well have woken up to being raped.
Either way, I take it your parents have been to the police? What have they said?
It must've been awful to have to move and change jobs, if this woman has made this very serious accusation up.
Jodie77 · 02/12/2019 10:05
Are you sure the other woman is not telling the truth? There was one of her, and two of your parents. They took photos which is something some people do when they think that they might need to prove consent at a later date (this doesn't prove consent because it is a known tactic used by drunk and drug rapists because people's ability to consent can change very quickly). I don't think people make these things up maliciously very often. It may be that she feels as though she was coerced into the whole thing, which she may well have been. She might have consented to fall around, but not be penetrated. There are levels of rape. It's not as simple as "well she kissed the other party in her bra there so she must have wanted anal." That's not how consent works.
Starryskye · 02/12/2019 11:03
Look I'm very aware of how consent works but she's a compulsive liar. She lied about a brain tumour. She's been known to lie before and they didn't take pictures to cover their own backs. They all took pictures including the woman because at the time they were best friends and took pictures all the time of all sorts of things so it was just a habitual thing not a part of premeditated rape.
I was raped. I know a lot about coping strategies and the psychology of it all, I don't know everything and don't pretend to but this woman told me her story and there were a lot of inconsistencies between the two times she told me. My parents wouldn't have raped her, they saw what it did to me. Have always been conscientious of consent and have never had any bad word said about them before
WorraLiberty · 02/12/2019 11:11
Look, you weren't there so you don't know.
None of us were there so none of us know.
Your parents have chosen to move house, move villages and your mum chose to leave her job because of bullying.
If this woman is a compulsive liar, why haven't they taken her to court?
If someone accused me of rape, I sure as hell wouldn't keep running from the accusation.
Starryskye · 02/12/2019 11:24
They haven't taken her to court because their middle child and my sister (same age) are complete and utter best friends. And because other woman hasn't gone to police, they haven't either. They don't want to put the families through that and other woman said same. When she first told me I told her to go to police and she said she couldn't because she didn't want her husband to know and the kids and rather odd but she didn't want to because they were having the kitchen renovated soon.
WorraLiberty · 02/12/2019 11:30
They told everyone in our small village so we had to move.
Well her husband knows now, doesn't he?
Your parents are being viewed as rapists. If they weren't, they wouldn't have had to move house and village.
Your mum wouldn't have been bullied out of her workplace.
If ever there was a reason to go to court and prove your innocence or at the very least get an injunction out on this woman, so she stops spreading lies, that's it right there.
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 02/12/2019 11:39
I think you are being very blinkered about the rape allegations. You have no way of knowing the time frame. Pics could have been taken before much more alcohol was consumed. I wasn't there obviously, so I don't know one way or the other, but please don't assume she was lying, without evidence. It's a really misogynistic thing to do, and against MN guidelines.
Starryskye · 02/12/2019 11:46
Spongebob- don't you think you're being a bit awful to presume her word truth. If you don't know one way or the other then surely it's innocent until proven guilty? Rape accusations should be taken seriously but also be cautious that it isn't always true and if I was accused I think I'd avoid court too because of folk such as yourself who automatically look for ways they're guilty than ways they're not
CAG12 · 02/12/2019 11:52
Yes rape accusations should be taken seriously. You're assuming the womans lying, what if shes not? Surely that needs to be considered.
This entire situation is entirely messed up and its not up to you to sort it. Id steer well away from anything concerning this.
WorraLiberty · 02/12/2019 12:00
SpongeBob hasn't presumed anything - that was the entire point of her post.
You're adamant your parents didn't rape this woman. Your boyfriend's fiancee is adamant your parents raped her mother.
Your parents want to avoid court, even just to stop this woman slandering them.
So to answer your AIBU, YANBU at all to keep away from your boyfriend's fiancee. I'm sure she'll be very grateful.
Cohle · 02/12/2019 13:34
Your parents have, at the very least, involved their child in details of their sex life to an extent that most people would find very odd and probably unhealthy. Frankly it would make me question how good their judgment is in other aspects of their sex life.
I think you should remove yourself from the situation as far as possible.
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