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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at parents bringing siblings to a soft play party?

48 replies

Rockingdahorse · 01/12/2019 20:28

2nd AIBU of the weekend Shock

Had a party for my 5 year old today. Lots of people turned up (great) but around 5-6 children brought 1 (or 2!!) older siblings with them. I don’t mind them being there, but the parents didn’t pay for them, and simply added them on to the list at the door, so our bill was over 100 pounds over what it should have been.

AIBU to be really pissed off at this? The invites were to the named child. I know childcare can be a pain, but I would never do this.

OP posts:
meow1989 · 01/12/2019 20:30

That's really cheeky! I think you would be justified to request reimbursement from the pare ts!

As an aside, did you not provide a list of names for the soft play reception? This would have avoided the situation as if name wasnt on list they would have to pay?

blackteaplease · 01/12/2019 20:31

I was all set to say YABU assuming they paid the children in but this is cheeky fuckery.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/12/2019 20:33

Normally soft play places have a list of invited children and the parent would pay for any extras. Did you give them a list?

Doggyfeet · 01/12/2019 20:34

The centre shouldn’t have added them to the list without your permission- cheeky of the parents and the soft play centre.

bathorshower · 01/12/2019 20:35

When we had a soft play party, one of us stood at the entrance greeting guests (and checking this didn't happen). Though it's still incredibly cheeky - none of our guests tried it.

Laiste · 01/12/2019 20:35

Out of politeness i would always ask if it's ok to bring a sibling along to a party. So YANBU.

However - and quite possibly this is just me displaying my thickness here - but would have assumed that a soft play party would be paid for in advance and not charged by head count on the day. IYKWIM?

SquashedOrange · 01/12/2019 20:35

Bad communication between you and the softplay I'd say.

VanyaHargreeves · 01/12/2019 20:36

This is a fairly recent phenomenon the cheeky fuckery of which still blows my mind

In my day you never had to specify siblings weren't invited by scrawling all over the invites people had the intelligence and the manners to know

During the war etc

GreenTulips · 01/12/2019 20:36

Never known a venue to do this.

You tell them how many children and they sort out food and sometimes party bags.

More fool you for paying for their error

Original poster
Rockingdahorse · 01/12/2019 20:37

T set up is there is a ‘birthday party’ list at the door, and the parent writes their children’s name down. You are then invited to look at the list and check it’s ‘right’ before paying. I did and noticed the siblings had been added on and not paid for, but felt I didn’t want any awkward scenes on my DS’ big day. We can afford it, tbf, it just pissed me off. In some cases BOTH parents turned up with two children, and signed them both in!

OP posts:
AG29 · 01/12/2019 20:39

Very cheeky! If the soft play was fully open to the public you cannot stop them from bringing them but adding them to the list is plain cheeky and rude.

SaveTheTreesPlease · 01/12/2019 20:41

Annoying, but surely you’d have a list on the door so that the staff could ask for names and charge parents for any extras on the door? That’s what we did when we threw a similar party and a couple of people who brought siblings just paid up.

GreenTulips · 01/12/2019 20:43

You need to complain to the venue about how they operate.

The parents are cheeky. I would’ve paid siblings in. Maybe reconsider some of the friendships.

TheRightHonerable · 01/12/2019 20:44

If you simply swallowed the cost then it’s a choice on your part.
I’d be interested to know what the venue planned to do if you pointed out the 5/6 names added on and refused to pay for them. Surely it makes more sense for them to have a list of names for the party - tick them off and then ask parents to pay up front for any extras?

feelingsinister · 01/12/2019 20:47

The parents are really cheeky but I'd also be annoyed with the venue and would complain. They shouldn't have been adding random names to the list without checking.

Michaelbaubles · 01/12/2019 20:47

Pretty normal to bring siblings to a soft play party - after all, it makes no odds to the party whether more kids are in the venue - but totally unreasonable to sneak them in without paying! Venue should be way more on it than that. Did they eat the birthday food too? Usual here for parents to buy food for siblings (although sometimes offered to join in when tonnes left on the table).

dementedpixie · 01/12/2019 20:48

You should have given the venue a list of who was attending. Extra siblings should have been paid for by their own parents.

but would have assumed that a soft play party would be paid for in advance and not charged by head count on the day. IYKWIM?

Any soft play party I have done is charged by head. You pay most of it in advance and extra children can be added on the day (as long as they were invited)

Stressedout10 · 01/12/2019 20:53

Send the parents a bill

underneaththeash · 01/12/2019 20:56

It's unbelievable isn't it. I remember DS1's party when he was turning 5 - I had 2 other children a 2 yo and a 4 week old. 3 people tried to drop off their other smaller children! I had to stand by the door and make sure they all left with the children they'd brought.

It's common manners to only bring invitees to a party.

wendz86 · 01/12/2019 20:57

That's incredibly cheeky. I always pay for the sibling if i take them.

willowmelangell · 01/12/2019 21:08

Text to CF parents asking for cash to pay for the uninvited 'guests'

Booboostwo · 01/12/2019 21:09

What?! That’s appalling!

DS went to soft play when DD was invited to a party recently. I asked the party parents in advance, I paid for DS, I stayed to keep and eye on him and he didn’t participate in the cake cutting/eating.

Original poster
Rockingdahorse · 01/12/2019 21:11

I'm not one for confrontation, so there will be no CF confrontation and ensuing drama Grin

I just don't et it though. The party was for my child, to celebrate his birth with his friends. I get that sometimes it works for parents to bring another sibling, but for the whole family to come as if it's a day out, and expect to have all their children, who my DS has never met before in his life, paid for - I just don't get it.

Bah, people eh?

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 01/12/2019 21:29

That's a stupid system - and invites confusion and CF-ery.

When I've booked this sort of party, I've paid in advance and provided a list of names. The venue ticks invitees' names off and charges for any extras at the door.

How on earth does your venue plan ahead for catering and table set-up, if they don't knnow how many guests you're expecting?

The guests might well be confused rather than cheeky. They're adding names because yours is the party they're coming to, so the group they're 'associated with'. They may be expecting to pay you for the extras.

Whatdayisit2 · 01/12/2019 21:39

My feeling is that it's fine to bring dibs however you pay for your extras and they should be advised not to expect a party bag! Parties are £££ without hangers on- fair enough if parent had to bring them but they should pay for themselves

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