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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at parents bringing siblings to a soft play party?

48 replies

Rockingdahorse · 01/12/2019 20:28

2nd AIBU of the weekend

Had a party for my 5 year old today. Lots of people turned up (great) but around 5-6 children brought 1 (or 2!!) older siblings with them. I don’t mind them being there, but the parents didn’t pay for them, and simply added them on to the list at the door, so our bill was over 100 pounds over what it should have been.

AIBU to be really pissed off at this? The invites were to the named child. I know childcare can be a pain, but I would never do this.

OP posts:

QueenWhatevs · 01/12/2019 21:45

Your soft play is crap, ours gets a list of invitees and has stickers with their names at sign in. Not on the list, no (free) entry. And they have a name list for the party room and do a sort of roll call before the food bit, then again before the disco and party bag bit which is in a second side room. But yes, CF parents. Make a note of who did this. They won't just CF one time.

Alloftheboys · 01/12/2019 21:52

We had this last year. Paid for I think 14 kids to play and have food. Went to settle up after and were charged for siblings that had played. I assumed the CF’s had paid for the siblings themselves.
(Food was a hot buffet with limited seating).

Heatingson · 01/12/2019 21:54

I think you have to be clear on the invite ‘no siblings but welcome to drop and run’. We have three kids and logistically weekends can be a bloody nightmare.

Bluerussian · 01/12/2019 21:57

The parents certainly should not have done that. It really is taking the proverbial. Times have changed, when mine was young he had parties and was taken to parties, parents didn't stay and siblings of guests did not attend either. Parents of only children were generally glad to have an afternoon, child free, to do what they wanted!

The only thing I can suggest is, in future, have smaller, more discreet parties with fewer (& hand picked) guests, maybe go to a restaurant that caters for children.

dontalltalkatonce · 01/12/2019 21:57

Sad but it seems you now have to state 'no siblings' and have an effective bouncer at the door to stop CFers.

WidowTwonky · 01/12/2019 21:58

Poor system by the soft play centre

Fundays12 · 01/12/2019 22:14

The soft play was badly organised by the owners. They normally take a list, sign the kids in and charge the parents for kids that were not on the list. I wouldn’t have paid for the siblings. I may have taken my other kids if I had no care but would have paid for the non invited kids myself

CasperGutman · 01/12/2019 22:25

I've organised and been to parties at about eight different soft play centres, in two parts of the UK, and every one took a list of invited children from the party organisers and kept it on the door. When families arrived the guest child ticked off the list, and any extras were charged for. I don't understand why the OP's soft play would have such an unusual and ill-thought-through system.

AwkwardFucker · 01/12/2019 22:31

CF like this do it purely because they have been allowed to get away with it.

I’m not a confrontational person either, but would have quietly said to the parents “sorry, invited child only. You will have to pay for sibling”.

Whatsername177 · 01/12/2019 22:35

That's awful. Dd2 was invited to a soft play party and I had no childcare for dd1 so she had to come with. She bought her reading book and I bought her some snacks and a drink and we sat out of the way. I also apologised to the birthday child's mum too. There is a 5.5 year gap between my two so dd1 absolutely didn't want to play in the soft play, but even if she had, I would never have assumed I could just add her to a list!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 01/12/2019 22:41

Book it privately next time, most soft play places do this. We did this, only the child on the invite could then attend and the venue checked them off as they entered.

Waveysnail · 01/12/2019 22:46

Weird system. Ours you put down childs name and soft play ticks them off.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 01/12/2019 22:48

You could afford it. You're not going to complain to the parents. Everyone saw you coming.

ellieboolou33 · 01/12/2019 22:49

Agree 100% with @CasperGutman although the parents were cheeky they may have (incorrectly) assumed you'd hired the entire venue. The soft play needs better management / staff!

Smileyaxolotl1 · 01/12/2019 22:52

Yanbu but you need to call them out on it.
And I can’t believe other people are saying it’s ok to bring other kids along if you pay.
No it’s not- they weren’t invited.

It’s only ok to bring siblings if you have no choice and you ask the birthday parent and you pay....

babygrootandstarlord · 01/12/2019 23:12

This has happened to me twice now, at two different parties for my DC (different CFs!). The first time it happened, the CF brought THREE extra children (not even siblings - random cousins of the invited child) and actually had the nerve to be upset that there wasn't enough party bags for the uninvited guests!

I assumed the first time was a one off because the person is known for their CFery. But after it happened again a few years later, I started putting on the invites that additional guests are welcome but will need to be paid for separately. I haven't had an issue since. Ridiculous that it even has to be said though.

Vanillaradio · 01/12/2019 23:15

It's funny everyone is saying the system is so unusual I have been to a lot of soft play parties in the last couple of years (6 year old!!) and every single one just took the names on the door rather than had a list of names. Ds's party was like this and we just paid for who turned up- this meant we didn't pay for the 2 who dropped out a couple of days before and the 2 who didn't turn up on the day!
But yes, parents should pay separately for siblings and not sneak them in- very rude of those who did this.

Isithometimeyet0987 · 01/12/2019 23:22

I could well afford it if it happened op but I wouldn’t be paying because of people will try it every year. Give the cf parents a invoice for the non invited kids and I would hand it to them in the playground and loudly explain the situation to them for everyone to hear.

lisag1969 · 01/12/2019 23:51

Even if you can afford it I would be so annoyed I'd send around a message to all parents saying thank you for coming ect.
But Those who brought children with them will have to pay x amount for 1 child or x amount if they brought 2 extra children.
Sorry if you thought your children could go in for free but the soft play area are requesting £100 which needs to be paid for all the extra children

ShinyGiratina · 02/12/2019 00:16

Soft play is normally a public venue so a sibling who is paid for and plays as a normal public session is absolutely fine.

Expecting the host to randomly pay up for additional siblings and particiate in the party is CFery.

I have gone with a sibling expecting to pay for them as a public session and they've been welcomed to the party as a guest filling a slot that's been paid for but someone was ill. Some venues have the deposit then pay the balance on the day depending on who turns up. I have had to pay ££ extra after settling the balance, for a child who hadn't replied and was dropped off by a different parent. So they'd managed to arrange a lift, but not tell the host they were coming Funnily enough it's always the CFers that don't arrange parties...

CareOfPunts · 02/12/2019 00:27

Mine are too big for soft play now but they had soft play parties when they were small. We used to pay half the cost up front and then the final bill was presented on the day when we knew who’d turned up.

YANBU OP that’s so cheeky. Although someone turned up at a laser tag party for my son, dumped the party invitee and his older son and fucked off. That one I had paid for in advance but “luckily” someone was ill and couldn’t make it and the kid got the spare food and drinks that were left over. He had no money on him to pay his entry or even for a drink otherwise and his dad has gone.

keepingbees · 02/12/2019 08:45

The venue shouldn't have allowed it without you agreeing first. You should have a written price you agreed to, if they allowed extra children in then it's not up to you to foot the bill in my opinion. I know you said there was a name list but it clearly didn't work.
I've had to take siblings before but I always ask the parent first and offer to pay the sibling in. To be honest I find these soft play parties tricky, they're usually a chaotic free for all, unclear whether it's open to the public or private hire, it's not always clear whether you need to pay siblings in or not - I've often been waved through by staff when I've been preparing to pay for a sibling. It may be more an error of the soft play that people being cheeky.

TabbyMumz · 02/12/2019 09:07

This is weird. Normally you provide a list of invited children to the staff on the door and anyone not on the list, has to pay. This is normal standard practice. If this hasnt happened and the staff have just added people on to the list, then they have to go and get payment. You dont have to pay for all and sundry. Nirmally this couldnt happen because of numbers for food ..ie you say 10 are coming and 15 turn up?!

Often I would take a sibling along, but U would pay their entrance and they wouldnt take part in the party or sit at the party table for food.

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