To ask if your family actually get along with each other?

[nevergettingalong]

I'm getting sick of arguments in my family. I feel like there's a constant divide and it's just getting so frustrating and draining to deal with.

Nobody seems to be able to just get along. A lot of my family members are self obsessed and don't care about anyone but themselves. They also think they're much better than everyone else and it's bloody embarrassing.

OTOH, my in laws are brilliant and I have such a good relationship with them. Always there if we need them no matter what.

AIBU to ask if most families are dysfunctional or is it just mine?

We used to. This year has been diabolical

@VolcanionSteamArtillery Can totally relate!

Not everyone will get along all of the time, but if you’re finding family members difficult then perhaps limit your exposure time with these individuals

Mine are fairly functional but I only get on with my brother only because we live at opposite ends of the country

my Family is like this and i have nc with my mum or 2 sisters because of it. I only talk with my you get brother.

Just wasnt worth the hassle so cut them out!

@ivykaty44 it's mainly immediately family members now (mum, brother etc). Have gone LC with the extended family members and only see them a couple of times a year.

Struggling with the situation at the moment as I don't want to speak to them but also don't want them to miss out on time with my son. As much as we don't get along I wouldn't deprive him of a relationship with them.

No :( DH & I have no family after fall-outs years ago nothing to do with us (and abusive childhoods). Christmas costs us literally nothing, not that that's a silver lining.

I would love nothing more than having even one or two family members to visit/spoil.

Most of us get along brilliantly. Some of my family love hundreds of miles away but we make the effort to visit each other and we genuinely love being in each others company. I do realise we're very lucky.

Nobody on my side really gets along. At one time I was in a constant state of frustration because I used to try so hard to facilitate relationships between family memebers all but it never made any difference so I gave up trying and distanced myself from them.

I don’t think it'll ever be NOT disappointing, but I don’t get as upset over it as I used to. It’s something I’m simply coming to terms with.

Its not just yours..but plenty get along fine.

One of my kids has had two hospital stays this year, one in intensive care. I fell apart, and my siblings were there for me, 100%. They always are, when i need them. Yes we bicker occasionally but they are a huge source of support for me.

Maybe it helps that we encourage it from a very young age. When my baby was born very early, with encouragement from my sister and my mum, my 9 year old niece knitted her a tiny hat. I cried when she gave it to me as it was such a kind thing.

My in-laws are kind & thoughtful too, in a less involved way.

Everyone has pockets of dysfunction though. My father has terrible relationships with his family - long running rows over nothing, everyone has a short temper, is easily offended and holds a grudge forever! I lose patience with it. FiLs family can be a bit the same.

A couple of years ago I would have said yes.

But now my DB is even more self-centered and pompous and finds fault with me/my DC everytime we visit. He doesnt have the balls to mention it, just complains to DMum after Ive left, at which point its too late for me to point out that he misheard whatever it was that I said

I don't want to speak to them but also don't want them to miss out on time with my son. As much as we don't get along I wouldn't deprive him of a relationship with them.

Your son needs a happy mummy first and foremost

You can make arrangements for son to see grandmother and uncle at times you have other things to do, you can reduce time spent having “tea and biscuits” the shot if to do other stuff

My family don't really argue. Neither do dh's. Mine occasionally have reasonably heated debates about politics or something after a few drinks, but it's not a row. I've never known anyone in my family to be really angry with each other or not on speaking terms etc.

No, so many arguments and fall outs.
My dad and sister aren’t talking. Each blames the other
My husband and auntie aren’t talking. Each blames the other.
My grandma and sister don’t get on.
I don’t speak to any of my family on my mums side bar one cousin.

Families are tough!

No, my family have some serious issues with each other. My in laws are great though, they're quite a close family. Normal, if there is such a thing!

My family is hugely dysfunctional but many of them like to present a veneer of normality which just makes things worse. In reality there is loads of tension and people have not been there for each other emotionally at times of need. There is no closeness, care or love. My OH's family are pretty functional so I know it's not inevitable. My sister has been allowed to manipulate and bully for decades and has no respect for anyone which makes any possibility of positive growth pretty impossible.

@73Sunglasslover I think we might be part of the same family!

My family are very close and we all get on great.

MIL is great too but the SILs and PILs are a bit grating and my husband struggles to get along with his siblings. They aren't bad people though.

I actually thought that when I read your post! It's hard to accept that we will never have one of the most precious things others have. I try and focus on how I can keep things functional for my kids and OH so that this is not my kids experience in the future.

No, my sister doesn't talk to my mum and my husband's mum and brother don't speak to him/us

Christmas is sometimes difficult when you have families like ours OP. How are you feeling at this time of year?

Yep. We get along. We go on holiday together, about 16-20 of us each year.

Yep. We get along. We go on holiday together, about 16-20 of us each year.

That sounds wonderful. Have you been around dysfunctional families? If so what do you see as the essential difference?

From the number of threads on MN, you certainly aren't alone, but that said, there really are a lot of families that rub along just fine.

Parents have died, as has youngest sister. Three siblings left. We get along fine but do not live in each others ears either. That's key.

We are always around for each other if something is needed, but we don't visit each other every Saturday or anything like that. Some distance often equals great harmony!