To ask if your family actually get along with each other?

[nevergettingalong]

I'm getting sick of arguments in my family. I feel like there's a constant divide and it's just getting so frustrating and draining to deal with.

Nobody seems to be able to just get along. A lot of my family members are self obsessed and don't care about anyone but themselves. They also think they're much better than everyone else and it's bloody embarrassing.

OTOH, my in laws are brilliant and I have such a good relationship with them. Always there if we need them no matter what.

AIBU to ask if most families are dysfunctional or is it just mine?

@73Sunglasslover Conflicted is how I feel. Really reluctant to want to spend any time with my family, would much rather be with in laws as I know I'll be able to enjoy the day instead of being on tenterhooks.

@QuestionableMushroom That sounds lovely 😊

@73Sunglasslover How are you feeling?

No idea how we manage it. We’ve done it since I was little, now I’m in my 30’s with a child and a step child. It’s just the norm for us. My cousins, their kids, our parents, we do a week in centre parcs each year.
We’re not in each other’s pockets we do our own stuff/activities in the mornings and then meet at the pool in the afternoon, board games and party game on the evenings.
We see each other about 4 times a year out of the holiday.

Very close family. That doesn’t mean we don’t argue and fall out, we do, but not seriously.
My sister is my best friend. Hasn’t always been - we barely spoke through our teens, but now we speak almost every night on the phone. Don’t live that close but we holiday together most school holidays (she comes to me, I go to her, we go on holiday together). Our children are close and ask constantly when we are next seeing them. My whole life I have only spent one Christmas apart from my family.

I think it stems from my grandparents though, who felt family was the heart of everything. We all spent a lot of time with the wider family, with the end result that we all still get together regularly. I see a lot of my cousins, and their kids and my kids are similar ages and get on so enjoy meeting up at big family dos. When my grandad died we had a ‘small family gathering’, immediate family only, to celebrate his life. About 40 people there, and we looked round then and thought “Wow. All these people spread across 4 generations and we actually all enjoy being together, and look forward to being together. That’s impressive.”

I am aware that I am very lucky though.

Family cannot be chosen. I would not like to holiday with my family because it would break the charm of us all being individuals with our own lives and choices.

That works fine for us. We do love each other and would drop everything in a heartbeat to help with anything that's needed. But we live our own lives and meet up for a "bonding dinner" every few weeks. Just us siblings, which is great!

Questionable - sounds like us.
When I was little my parents, my sister and me, and my grandparents would all go on holiday for a week each year, to a self catering place. We’d all stay in the same house. My aunt would often come. When my cousin was born, he came too.
My grandparents haven’t been for years now, but my parents go to the same part of the country each year, and my sister and I join them with our own children. My. Aunt often still goes too. My sisters husband comes, mine sometimes does depending on work, my cousin still does again depending on work.my kids love it and I love doing things with them that I did when I was little.

Someone asked what families like ours do differently. I don’t know, I really don’t. We do argue but it doesn’t fester. Sometimes we talk about it and move on, other times it just gets forgotten.
All I know is howeve much it annoys me, and it does at times, the benefits are more than the cost. As my dad said (and it’s my mums side of the family, not his): It’s annoying when you sneeze on the phone to someone and an hour later you’ve taken six separate calls to ask how your cold is, it’s annoying that everyone has an opinion on your life. But if you need them, financial support, emotional support, they’ll be there. The interference is the price you pay for wedge you are ever on your own.” So we’ve learnt to shrug shoulders and ignore unwelcome advice!

I hear you OP my family is just endless dysfunction at every level

My sister and I have never got along and would be permanently estranged if we didn't share a DM. I absolutely despise her.

Our other sibling used to be caught between us, but is slowly realising that I have a serious point.

Dads Side

My Father is an abusive alcoholic and I tried to go NC with him in my teens but my Aunt involved herself. I eventually went NC early 20s and took so much shit for it from my cousin, her son, loads of digs

They have now gone NC with him themselves

Mums Side

Loved it when I was small. Proper Waltons stuff. Large sibling group. But they all had a series of petty juvenile fights between them in the 90s/00s and broke into factions. They are old now and a couple have died. It's really upsetting as the impact on my generation has been huge. I had cousins I was more like siblings with at one time who I literally couldn't tell you a thing about their lives now.

It makes me really sad and I do wish we could turn the clock back.

Hi NeverGettingAlong. I actually felt quite emotional that you asked how I'm feeling. My little sister and I have a good relationship but other than her no-one in my family would ever ask that. Lonely is how I feel this time of year and bank holidays and other celebratory times. Lots of people get together with extended family. We are usually on our own.

Yeah none of my family get on except the older generation. My own mom can't stand me...

No mine are dysfunctional. Massively. Its a weird family dynamic. I believe my mum is a narcassist and it wasnt until i had my own children i realised how bad it all was

She encouraged bad feeling between all of us ( her 4 DC ) and between our fathers and their families too. It wasnt until i had my DC i realised how she tried to isolate everyone she knew. Her new husband before they got serious saw his children every single day as he lived around the corner from them, he was very close to them and his mother,

I cant remeber the time frame but i know by the time her boyfriend moved in ( wernt married at this point ) hed spoke to his children about seeing them less and they had gotten upset and said they didnt want to see him at all then, he now hasnt spoken or seen his children in 5 years maybe more and his mum too

We pretended to be a happy family in photos etc but honestly, it was a fucking nightmare but you dont realise its not normal until you have your own do you?

I cant imagine pitting my children against each other, i want them to look after each other and to be friends,

When a parent is dysfunctional you end up with a whole family of it because it becomes normal. I have been NC with my mum and 1 of my sisters for 3 years now and the more time goes on the more i cant believe how weird they all are

But in all fairness now i think about it i cant think of one "normal" family

I'm in shock at so many positive MIL comments!! My SonIL and I get told of by my daughter for talking about cricket too much!

Mine don't and there is hardly any of us!! My Mum has been terrible recently, my step Dad is a turd, my Dad died, my brother is.... tricky... all Grandparents have passed away and we don't see/speak to any Uncles or Aunts or cousins.

I loved my husband's Mum and Dad but they ALSO selfishly passed away and his Brother hates him. The only nice one from his family is his cousin who we try to spend as much time with as possible.

Makes me really, very sad if I think about it too much.

Merry Bloody Christmas.

So sorry so many of you are riding the lonely Dysfunctional Nob Head Family train at the moment. Lonely isnt it?

So sorry so many of you are riding the lonely Dysfunctional Nob Head Family train at the moment. Lonely isnt it?

It is indeed. Sounds like you are sitting in first class with us too. At least we are in good company!

I used to be very close to my family and loved spending time with my mums side and dad's. Unfortunately when my mum passed away suddenly it destroyed my family and I am no longer close to any of them.
I hate this time of year with Christmas, although I'm lucky to have a great husband I feel all alone. I'm currently pregnant with our first child and the loss of my mum is hitting me hard.
I'd give anything to have it back to how it was again.

Pffffffffffft. No.

But I'm really glad you have nice in-laws OP.