To not take dvd to family event because of sil?

[mrschristmaself]

Husbands sister has long history of drug abuse, stealing (money, cars etc from family and non family) and just generally being a very erratic person (up one minute, aggressive the next, very in your face and hyper or very quiet and brooding). She isn't young, late 20s and still behaves like a child.

Since dd (3) was born we have only met up with her at family gatherings twice before going NC with her. Husband and I don't want her round our daughter and I'm currently heavily pregnant with our second child.

Sil is back and 'on the straight and narrow' again, which we have heard many many times before and Fil wants us all to join in with an annual family event this Christmas. Husband is contemplating us going as she's been back a while now but I've said I don't want to go and don't want to take dd either as she's at a very impressionable age and don't want her around Sil, not knowing what mood or state of mind she'll be in that day.

So, aibu to not want to go and not want to take dd?

All those telling you that you should try and go, even if it's just for an hour, obviously have no experience of a family member with the level of addiction your SIL has.

The last time my parents talked me into "giving her a chance" (my sister), "give it a try", "just a short visit", "it's Christmas, she'll be on her own otherwise", my sister emptied my son's money box when she went to the loo, engineered an argument so she could 'storm out' before we realised she'd been in her 5 year old nephew's room and rinsed his savings, oh and she nicked an iPad for good measure.

As for those telling you that it's up to your DH if he takes a 3 year old to spend time with someone up one minute, aggressive the next, very in your face - nah, fuck that shit.

Your SIL has to prove herself and a family gathering at Christmas is not the time or place to do that.

@Disfordarkchocolate has the best idea and the best compromise - your DH can start meeting up with his sister, one on one, for a coffee somewhere neutral to see how she's doing, and build up contact from there.

@PanamaPattie what a load of balls. My dh is a recovering drug addict. He attends NA meetings 3 times a week. Has never fallen of the wagon not once and is an amaizng hubby and father.

I apologise for derailing your thread OP. It wasn't my intention. I was trying to share my somewhat negative experience of working with addicts and their issues in an attempt to support your view.

Sounds to me as though she doesn’t deserve a nice film to watch

your DH can start meeting up with his sister, one on one, for a coffee somewhere neutral to see how she's doing, and build up contact from there.

Agreeing with previous posters, him meeting up prior to a decision is a good thing. The parents may not be the best judge of how their dd really is and may be hoping for Christmas together and good behaviour from SIL They may be bias in thinking she's doing good while she's actually struggling.

Your husband can judge for himself without putting his family in close quarters with an aggressive addict. If she truly is doing better then he will see it and you will have more confidence and hope.

My experience is mainly negative too (alcoholic x in-law), her behaviour was sometimes atrocious and her mother was a massive enabler. However, many people do recover and some support and contact will help. Just be careful of how much your husband invests in this, it can be a rocky road.