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Do you hate your birthday too... or is DH the only one?!

44 replies

GinAndBubbles · 01/12/2019 12:12

So been married 10 years, know DH enjoys a low key birthday (have even referenced this in the already written card), he’ll always work if it falls on a week day and we have a nice tea out somewhere.

It’s his birthday tomorrow and he had been planning to go into the office today for some overtime but this is now not needed.

I’d planned a night in a lovely hotel walking distance from his work (hotel we’ve use for several occasions over the years), and was going to surprise him with this when he finished work.

Obviously now no work today, so I was talking to him and said ooooo what’s tomorrow 😊 he replied ‘Monday’, asked again, ‘Monday’ then ‘a 07:30 start’. I then told him I’d checked with his manager if he could start at 08:00 instead so he could have a lie in. Before I could say as he’d be having a slap up breakfast and could walk in as we’re staying in hotel, he started demanding to know when and how I’d asked his manager... said he HAS to go in at 07:30 for xyz reason, that he’s hidden his birthday from them, taken it off FB etc.

I told him how I’d checked with his boss about the later start, and said but I always post happy birthday to you on FB so they'll see it (apparently that’s fine as by then it’s too late for them to do anything).

He then basically had a tantrum, said ‘I always do this’, stomped off like a toddler and heavily closed (not quite slammed) bedroom door and went back to bed 🤷‍♀️

If you’re still with me... he’s not an anxious person, and whilst he’s never been mad about celebrating, we’ve always done something like this and he’s said he’s always enjoyed it. No big historic dramas have happened on or around this date. He’s mid 30s.

Does anyone else here hate their birthday that much?!

YABU - shouldn’t have asked his manager for a later start / made plans

YANBU - husband is a dick

OP posts:

AllTheCakes · 01/12/2019 12:14

Yanbu. What a misery.

I would go and stay in the hotel alone and enjoy the hospitality!


FAQs · 01/12/2019 12:15

Yep I don’t celebrate mine and went years before my daughter was born not recognising it as anything other than a normal day, but that’s because I hate my mother and don’t see it as a celebration.


BlackCatSleeping · 01/12/2019 12:16

I don’t think you should have asked his boss.

I’m not a huge fan of my birthday. I don’t really like being the center of attention and having people make a fuss over me. I also hate surprises. I usually just organize a cake because the kids would be disappointed if I didn’t. I sometimes buy myself something nice as a treat.

I think you should listen to him and respect his wishes.


BlackCatSleeping · 01/12/2019 12:17

Also, I really hate birthday cards!!


Widowodiw · 01/12/2019 12:18

Yes I absolutely hate it and would not want my work colleagues to know it was my birthday. I don’t recognise it at all, just a normal day to me.


GinAndBubbles · 01/12/2019 12:20

Thanks everyone for your replies, it’s genuinely good to hear the different perspectives.

Not sure if worth mentioning but he’s got a very good relationship with his boss, as he did his previous one and I’d done something similar several years ago - no issues then.

I get not liking surprises, but thought a quiet meal and being super close to work with a lie in would be a nice treat... hotel is non refundable so looks like I’ll be having a nice bottle of champagne solo this evening!

OP posts:

Emeraldshamrock · 01/12/2019 12:20

I like mine to pass quietly. No idea why?
I love the fuss of Christmas.
I think I like to ignore the fact I am getting older. I'll be in hiding next year for my 40. Blush


BlackCatSleeping · 01/12/2019 12:22

Talk to him and explain you are sorry and won’t do this again.

Hopefully he will calm down and come to the hotel with you.

I see so many threads on MN where someone will say my husband doesn’t want anything for his birthday/Christmas, so what should I get him? I don’t get it.


DesMartinsPetCat · 01/12/2019 12:22

I love my birthday.

However, I would go nuts if my husband contacted my manager in relation to my work schedule so, on that basis, I think YABU.


Oysterbabe · 01/12/2019 12:23

Yabu. That sounds pretty normal to me. He's not refusing to celebrate he just doesn't see it as a big deal. A good proportion of the people I know, me included, are like this.


EmmaC78 · 01/12/2019 12:24

I would also be really annoyed if my boss was contacted. Sorry, I know you had the best intentions though.


MitziK · 01/12/2019 12:25

He's a fucking idiot if he thinks his work doesn't know his birthday.

I tend to ignore my birthday because it wasn't important to my mother/half siblings, so the inherent disappointment of hoping for something was too much mental load. DP doesn't do anything for his own birthday, but has made a point of doing nice, comfortable things for mine when he hasn't forgotten, like a meal out.

He would only refuse if he thought there was a surprise party in the offing - and certainly wouldn't throw a tantrum about something like this, especially when as far as your DH is concerned, he's stamped his feet and scweamed and scweamed until he was sick over a half hour lie in and you telling somebody who already knows or can get the information in an instant from HR the date of his birthday.


GinAndBubbles · 01/12/2019 12:26

I was shocked by his response, it was really immature... I didn’t need a big show of appreciation, but something similar to ‘thanks but no thanks’ would have been fine. The stomping upstairs and back to bed is 🤷‍♀️

He’s still up there, I’ll go up a bit later if he’s not come down.

OP posts:

Homemadearmy · 01/12/2019 12:26

I think you've made it all about you,and what you think he would enjoy. I would hate for someone to go behind my back like that and speak to my work.i don't understand why you post it on Facebook either, do you not wish him happy birthday in person.


Alicenwonderland · 01/12/2019 12:26

I don't like my birthday, I never have! I didn't want to grow up (I loved being a kid!) and it's right after New year so everyone would forget or have no money for presents and when I got older no one wanted to go out as they'd been out for Christmas and New Years and were broke and hung over! I also don't like being centre of attention so I'd rather let it pass by. It's usually also back to school!


nogooddeedgoesunpunished · 01/12/2019 12:29

I'd have gone mad too. Can't stand my birthday and was furious when my staff team insisted on marking it very publicly one year. As for ringing my boss ... I'm clear I don't like celebrating yet people try to 'force' me.


MitziK · 01/12/2019 12:29

Enjoy your night in a lovely hotel away from him.

Maybe extend your stay?


BlackSwanGreen · 01/12/2019 12:29

He's a fucking idiot if he thinks work doesn't know his birthday - what? Why? None of my colleagues know mine.


GinAndBubbles · 01/12/2019 12:31

Totally appreciate the comments about not wanting someone to contact your boss. It’s just they get in really well, always what’s app’ing etc and get on like buddies. If they didn’t have that relationship or it was a role with critical timings etc of course I wouldn’t have done it. I’d also done something similar years ago and it wasn’t an issue so anything wrong didn’t cross my mind this time.

Lesson learned, next year a card and a few gifts, nothing more (such a shame as he’s the best DH normally and I want him to be celebrated but will do that by doing what he wants 😊).

Thanks all!

OP posts:

DisorganisedOrganiser · 01/12/2019 12:32

I’m not a big fan of adult birthdays. If he said to ignore it you should have done.

I have a big birthday coming up next year and have already said I do not want some big pointless expensive fuss which I will end up having to organise. We will do something because the kids love celebrating birthdays but I will be hugely pissed off if we end up with something big. Also if someone bought me a hotel room I want it to be on my own, to sleep, not to fit someone else’s agenda of how to spend my day.

My work makes a huge deal of people’s birthdays. I find it pathetic but get on board to keep everyone happy (and would never say I find it pathetic, I am polite and pretend to like it).


MitziK · 01/12/2019 12:32

@BlackSwanGreen It's on his employment record. A manager would have authority to access that information, as they would his mobile number, etc.

Colleagues are different. They don't need to know. But a manager with authority to change start times would be able to access it without issue.


DisorganisedOrganiser · 01/12/2019 12:32

I cross posted with you OP. Glad to see your update.


Elphame · 01/12/2019 12:40

Surely after 10 years you'd have known he really would have preferred you not to do all that?

I'm perfectly happy if everyone forgets mine and on the last big one threatened that any cards with my age on it would go straight in the bin!


BlackSwanGreen · 01/12/2019 12:41

I agree my manager would be able to find out from HR if he really wanted to. But I'm sure he never has!


Emeraldshamrock · 01/12/2019 12:49

Yabu. You know he does not like his birthday.
Unless it was a very special birthday ywu to contact his job. Blush
His job may not know it is his birthday. Well they do now. HR won't advertise D.O.B of employees.
It reminds me of asking teacher for an hour off for a birthday treat.

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