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AIBU?

Do you hate your birthday too... or is DH the only one?!

44 replies

GinAndBubbles · 01/12/2019 12:12

So been married 10 years, know DH enjoys a low key birthday (have even referenced this in the already written card), he’ll always work if it falls on a week day and we have a nice tea out somewhere.

It’s his birthday tomorrow and he had been planning to go into the office today for some overtime but this is now not needed.

I’d planned a night in a lovely hotel walking distance from his work (hotel we’ve use for several occasions over the years), and was going to surprise him with this when he finished work.

Obviously now no work today, so I was talking to him and said ooooo what’s tomorrow 😊 he replied ‘Monday’, asked again, ‘Monday’ then ‘a 07:30 start’. I then told him I’d checked with his manager if he could start at 08:00 instead so he could have a lie in. Before I could say as he’d be having a slap up breakfast and could walk in as we’re staying in hotel, he started demanding to know when and how I’d asked his manager... said he HAS to go in at 07:30 for xyz reason, that he’s hidden his birthday from them, taken it off FB etc.

I told him how I’d checked with his boss about the later start, and said but I always post happy birthday to you on FB so they'll see it (apparently that’s fine as by then it’s too late for them to do anything).

He then basically had a tantrum, said ‘I always do this’, stomped off like a toddler and heavily closed (not quite slammed) bedroom door and went back to bed 🤷‍♀️

If you’re still with me... he’s not an anxious person, and whilst he’s never been mad about celebrating, we’ve always done something like this and he’s said he’s always enjoyed it. No big historic dramas have happened on or around this date. He’s mid 30s.

Does anyone else here hate their birthday that much?!

YABU - shouldn’t have asked his manager for a later start / made plans

YANBU - husband is a dick

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Emeraldshamrock · 01/12/2019 12:51

FB birthday wishes are cringe too if you live with the person. Sorry
Especially ones to a young child as if they'll see it.

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DimplesToadfoot · 01/12/2019 14:12

I don't hate my birthday, it's weird I feel I don't deserve it, being conceived and then born I ruined so many peoples lives, it's just a reminder I don't need. So I do nothing for it and luckily I'm in a position where no one else bothers either, i have no family and most friends don't know when it is.

I did however try to do something for a big milestone birthday, I asked a friend if she wanted to go for a chinese as I'd been given a free birthday.voucher, when asking her I said we could use the voucher but I'd still pay half, she said yes, I text her the code so she could arrange it for a time to suit her, but she never did and my birthday came and went. I shrugged it off and asked another friend if they wanted to go as I had this voucher, we both went but when we tried to use the voucher towards payment it had already been used! On the date of my birthday by 'Me' with pics of 'Me' on Fb celebrating 'My birthday' ... lessons learned, I'll stick to doing nothing for my birthday.

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DappledThings · 01/12/2019 14:22

I can't bear my birthday. It doesn't appear on FB and most people don't know when it is. I like it to be completely ignored and any celebration of it makes me fretful, anxious and sad. Which can come out as stroppy although I do try hard to keep that in check.

If anyone contacted my work to tell them anything about it or ask a favour about starting late because of it I'd been absolutely furious and completely mortified.

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Bluntness100 · 01/12/2019 14:28

I have no issue with my birthday, I love it, but I'd be beyond fuming if my husband contacted my boss to arrrange when I came in.

If he wants to organise something that's lovely, but he should discuss it with me as an adult and let me deal with my own work.

In all honesty I'd probably fuck you off too op. I think it's incredibly off to take the decision in when to go in away from your husband and go to his manager. He's not a child and it's not school and you don't know what he has on at work.

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AllergicToAMop · 01/12/2019 14:31

I want him to be celebrated but will do that by doing what he wants 😊

That's how it always should have been

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alittlequinnie · 01/12/2019 14:35

I agree with the previous poster who said you had thought about what you want and what you think he would want.

Not everybody wants a big fuss - I know I don't - I don't have my birthday on FB and have asked my work to take me off the birthday list so I don't get a card signed by the team.

Anybody then going on about my birthday is not making it a "treat" for me - I don't want it acknowledged - that's a treat for me!

Having said that I am aware that for others they want the fuss so I am good re my dh and dd birthdays and now the grandchildren's birthdays too. Just not my own - can't be bothered with it.

For somebody to ride roughshod over my feelings would really get my back up - it's his birthday - let him do what he wants - if that's nothing then so be it. If he doesn't want his work to know then so be it - etc etc.

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ffswhatnext · 01/12/2019 14:39

Why are you still not listening to him?
Why does your desire to do things have more meaning than what he liked?
He doesn't want to celebrate. It's just another day. It is for me, I've never taken the day off. No-one I worked with outside those who needed to know, knew when it was. It really used to piss me off when others wanted to force this crap onto me.

And contacting boss? Wow. Regardless of what you think the relationship is like, you don't do that. And now he's going to have to deal with all the birthday shit he doesn't want.

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ffswhatnext · 01/12/2019 14:41

And now he's childish for not wanting to do something to make you happy. I'd be having more than a tantrum after still dealing with this 10 years later.

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Skyejuly · 01/12/2019 14:42

I hate a fuss and I find adults making a birthday fuss just make me uncomfortable!

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Instagrrr · 01/12/2019 14:46

If someone knew I didn’t like birthdays then arranged stuff behind my back and expected me to jump for joy about it I’d be fuming.

It’s nothing about being ungrateful and everything about other people being respectful

There are 100000s of reasons people don’t want a fuss on their birthday

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easyandy101 · 01/12/2019 14:58

Ideal birthday for me:

I like to have the day off and i like to spend it with people who don't know it's my birthday

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Bluntness100 · 01/12/2019 14:58

Lesson learned, next year a card and a few gifts, nothing more

Well clearly you've not learned the lesson. Speak to him like an adult, ask him what he wants to do, let him deal with his work.

And because he's friends with his boss doesn't mean you are. Or he wants you interfering in his work.

Honestly you sound really immature.

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chocolatespiders · 01/12/2019 15:03

I cant say I hate it but I dont enjoy it.
I feel I have to put a front on for two children so they dont end up like me!
I dont have mine on Facebook and happy for it just to pass with no fuss. We live in a tiny house and dislike getting gifts I have no room for!!

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MrsToothyBitch · 01/12/2019 15:04

YABU to do this if he's said he doesn't like it.

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Jennifer2r · 01/12/2019 15:56

I really love birthdays and I think everyone shpuld be allowed to celebrate theirs juat the way they want, whether thats with a huge extravagant party, or by completely ignoring it.

I'd be furious if a partner contacted my boss tbh.

Yabu.

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Loopytiles · 01/12/2019 16:00

YWBU to surprise him with something he’d probably not want to do and speak to his boss. I wouldn’t react well to this either!

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RedskyToNight · 01/12/2019 16:07

I don't particularly want a fuss on my birthday and would have hated this.

One of the reasons I don't like a fuss is because I hate having to pretend to be pleased that other people have done things for me that they think I'll like but I actually don't (especially if I've actually told them I don't like them). The best thing someone could do for me on my birthday is let me celebrate it the way I want to, and not think they know better than I do.

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RachelGreep87 · 01/12/2019 16:47

YABU

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WhereforeArtThouManatee · 01/12/2019 17:17

I would be extremely upset if DH contacted my boss in anything other than a situation of injury, illness, death.

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