Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to have got it so wrong

72 replies

HalyardHitch · 01/12/2019 09:18

Took ds1 to the gp on Thursday morning. The GP checked him and called an ambulance. It was there within minutes and were taken into resus.

I got it spectacularly wrong. I didn't realise he was that sick. Considered OOH overnight but didn't consider him sick enough to justify it. I ignored the uneasy feeling I had.

OP posts:

hidinginthenightgarden · 01/12/2019 09:42

We had similar with DS. Rang 111 and she said go straight there so we did. When she asked if we had given his paracetamol I said no as when we went to Gp his temp was just below 37 and he was happily playing but pale. Got to gandparents 20 mins away and he was a a bit floppy. No paracetamol asd that would have meant stopping off somewhere not going straight there as we were told to. She gave me a right lecture about babies having fits etc!
You are doing your best. Unless you have medical training then I think you should forgive yourself.

NoodleKT · 01/12/2019 09:43

I don't think you were wrong, but that's because I took my DD to the GP on Friday for the same thing. They didn't send us to A&E but used a nebuliser and gave her some steroids and said to call 111 if she gets worse. Hope your little one is ok

Grafittiqueen · 01/12/2019 09:45

Don't beat yourself up about it. I did pretty much the same.

We'd all had a bit of a chest infection. I coincidentally had a GP appointment booked for me for something else.

Took DS who was 3 at this point with me. He had the chest infection too, but wasn't wheezing or anything just very quiet.

GP took one look at him and put him on a nebuliser. She had seen the skin sucking in at the top of his chest when he breathed. Asked if we could get him to A&E or should she get an ambulance.

I honestly thought she was over egging things and we'd be wasting our time, but when DS was triaged they put him on oxygen and rushed him straight through.

A week later he was discharged after hourly nebulisers all through the night and day for the first couple of days and lots of IV antibiotics and steroids.

I felt awful, but I hadn't known what to look for.

Andonandonan · 01/12/2019 09:48

Oh OP, I had almost exactly the same with my ds when he was 11 weeks old. He was dc2 and had a cold, I thought he was breathing a bit funny so called 111, DH was super relaxed which made me think I was over-reacting and therefore probably downplay a bit to 111...they got us an urgent ooh appointment and I drove on my own with ds in his car seat in the back of the car (now this gives me chills as so terrible for a baby with already compromised breathing). When we got to hospital we were instantly admitted, ds had pneumonia and was so poorly we were in hospital for over a week.

I felt terrible that I hadn’t realised how poorly he was.

But. I did get him to a doctor. I did seek medical help. And he got it, and is fine (he’s 5 now!). So actually, I did the right thing. Just like you did.

I do trust my gut over dh a bit more now though! Tbh we are usually a good balance as I tend to over-worry and he tends to the school of ‘if nothing’s hanging off it’s fine.’

Hope your dc is recovering well now.

DarlingNikita · 01/12/2019 09:50

Don't beat yourself up, OP! We can't win sometimes with doctors; if you're not getting told off for not coming in sooner, you're getting told off for time-wasting. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

BanginChoons · 01/12/2019 09:52

I'm glad to hear your baby is ok. Don't beat yourself up, you did get help for him.

If it helps, I left my 4 year old with a broken wrist overnight. He could move his fingers so I thought it was just a sprain until he woke in the early hours screaming in pain.

BergamotMouse · 01/12/2019 09:53

Ah, don't beat yourself up about it. Same happened to me. Oxygen levels low, ambulance called. By the time we were there and the calpol kicked in she was bouncing off the walls. I thought the ambulance was a bit overkill in our case.

But the doctor shouldn't have had a go at you!

Obligatorync · 01/12/2019 09:54

It's very difficult to make the right call all the time. It's hard even for GPs sometimes.

Don't beat yourself up. You took him. He had help.

Neolara · 01/12/2019 09:54

I used to find it difficult to judge how ill my DC's are, especially around breathing issues. Became a lot clearer only after a gp friend told me what to look out for (intercostal breathing). I think lots and lots of parents have the same experience as you. Why should someone with no medical background necessarily know what to look out for?

Thingsdogetbetter · 01/12/2019 09:57

My mother took me home from shopping once when I was having an asthma attack - luckily her nurse friend happened to be on the doorstep and said hospital NOW. I stopped breathing in the car on the way there. Another few minutes and i won't be here. How was she supposed to know this one was different?

Parents are not medical experts. That's why we have doctors - who we unfortunately can't get bloody appointments with. Perhaps if getting medical help out of surgery times wasn't so bloody difficult these things won't happen!!!

Your doctor phrased it badly. Laying on guilt isn't helpful. We get told to only use the unfunded A&E in absolute emergencies, then criticised for not knowing exactly what an emergency is!

Thatoneoverthere · 01/12/2019 09:57

Like @FenellaMaxwell said, was told to look for 'dipping' under the rib cage but again this was after the fact.

Kids do everything at speed including getting sick

Thingsdogetbetter · 01/12/2019 09:59

Underfunded. Not unfunded....... (But I have my suspicions!)

doublebarrellednurse · 01/12/2019 09:59

I think sometimes we talk ourselves out of believing our instinct sometimes because there are so many "don't waste our time/money/etc" messages sent out. If you're not a medical professional you're effectively guessing based on knowledge you have of your child.

Don't beat yourself up OP. When I first had my son some 13 years ago (and before I was a nurse) he ate scrambled egg and his face went blotchy. I called 111 to see what cream I needed. They sent an ambulance and I was bemused but he stopped breathing before the ambulance arrived. He was thankfully fine after treatment but I had no idea how serious it could be.

DeathStare · 01/12/2019 09:59

You've had a scare. Go easy on yourself. You didn't ignore your DS - you got medical advice. And he's OK now

blindmansbluff · 01/12/2019 10:00

Now you know what to look out for next time. Before my daughter had issues with viral induced wheeze following a bout of bronchiolitis I had no idea of these warning signs. Parenting is all about learning. I tend to err on the side of caution now and seek help sooner rather than later.

RosieposiePuddingandPi · 01/12/2019 10:00

The doctor was not particularly sympathetic in telling you off in this situation, especially as small child and babies can go downhill so quickly.
I was politely told off by the paramedic while my son was being blue-lighted to hospital under similar circumstances but he was just making sure it didn't happen again.
I'd had to go to work and leave poorly DS with DH and felt really uncomfortable with it all day. By the time I got home he'd really deteriorated and DH had just rung 111 who instantly sent an ambulance and DS ended up in hospital for a week with flu, pneumonia and sepsis. 24 hours before he'd been ill but playing.
Like others have said, don't beat yourself up.

Sewingbea · 01/12/2019 10:09

Please don't be hard on yourself. When DD2 was five months I took her to a&e at 6.30 in the morning with a very high temperature. We were sent home to "manage" it. She got worse over the morning and as soon as GP opened after lunch I took her up there. We were sent to hospital in an ambulance, oxygen mask etc. Admitted to hospital. I am not saying this to be critical of the a&e triage, but to illustrate how quickly they can go downhill. Happened again a couple of years later, got home from work (she was with DH) and I was unhappy about her breathing. Carried her up to GP (at the end of our road) and they saw her at once and called an ambulance. Oxygen etc once more, this time croup, but badly. DD2 has usually been a very healthy child, but when she is ill she dips very quickly. Our GP is very cautious with her based on past experiences! Anyway, don't beat yourself up, some children deteriorate faster than others, you'll know now what to look for. Hope you can put this behind you quickly.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 01/12/2019 10:13

HalyardHitch if people were able to diagnose their own family members, we wouldn’t need doctors. That’s the point, we’re not the experts, the doctors are, so of course we’re going to get it wrong lots of times. Stop beating yourself up for a mistake, you’re not medically trained, ‘just’ an ordinary mum trying to do her best and making mistakes is part of parenthood.

squiglet111 · 01/12/2019 10:16

It's so difficult to call because 9 times out of 10 the docs say it's viral and send you away with nothing!

krustykittens · 01/12/2019 10:17

I had exactly the same experience as you, OP, with my one year old baby, only she was sent home with a nebuliser. I thought it was a cold too until the GP told me otherwise. You can never do things right all the time. What is important is not that you get it right all the time but that they survive until 18! And before she gets to 18 I can guarantee a medical professional will have a go at you for over reacting.

Original poster

HalyardHitch · 01/12/2019 10:19

I guess I'm just feeling shell shocked. We were there three days and i didn't see a single person apart from a friend who dropped a bag off at the door for me. I came home yesterday evening wearing the same socks as Thursday morning. I hadn't even really been able to go and get any food as he wasnt sleeping well and couldn't be let for long than popping to the loo. He's two and was in isolation so couldn't come with me

OP posts:

puds11 · 01/12/2019 10:20

If it’s any consolation OP I now know what to look for because of your thread so thank you. I hope your son makes a speedy recovery.

Jollitwiglet · 01/12/2019 10:26

Don't beat yourself up, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

You got medical attention, your child was treated and is now doing better. You now know if it happens again what to look for and when to seek more urgent medical attention.

Darkrainbow · 01/12/2019 10:29

Op, my husband & I are both senior HCPs, I'm a medic, he's an allied profession. We both missed me having sepsis. Saw our GP as I thought I needed a bit of amoxicillin, she called an ambulance. Embarrassingly that's the second time she's had to call an ambulance for me when I haven't realised just how ill I was. We got very told off!
I think we have it drummed in to us about wasting NHS resources and not making a fuss that some of us (myself included) have our barometer set a bit to far the other way.
You got medical attention as you knew things weren't OK, you realised he needed help & acted on it. You did well!

changeforprivacy · 01/12/2019 10:29

He has bronchiolitis. I just thought he needed antibiotics for a chest infection to be honest.

Firstly, Bronchiolitis IS a chest infection, really common at that. Second point, he worsened overnight and you took him to get medical attention. Not knowing he was unwell enough for A&E at that point is ok. I watch all the doctor shows on TV and often adults will have the GP call an ambulance for them because they don't realise how sick they are - it's double hard trying to guess for someone else. You did just fine and hopefully your DS is fully better spins

Flip

1 2 3