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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that lots of women will now be able to get financial and legal security

145 replies

PerspicaciaTick · 01/12/2019 03:47

without having to get married.

From tomorrow you can give notice for your opposite sex civil partnership. You can actually form your partnership from January.

No need for a verbal contract or a ceremony (unless you want one). Just sign the bit of paper with your witnesses. No need to spend a fortune - you can do it all for less than £150 (or you can still go the whole hog if you want).

I think it will be really popular - or am I misreading the situation?

OP posts:
SD1978 · 01/12/2019 04:10

I believe it's long overdue. I'm happy this has finally been approved for all couples, irregardless of type of relationship.

Mintjulia · 01/12/2019 04:14

I’ve never really understood why a registry office wedding wasn’t ok. 10 minutes, no guests, no fuss, sign the register.
But if this helps some people, then great, IF they can persuade both parties to sign.

nrpmum · 01/12/2019 04:19

No different to a basic early morning wedding at our local registry office then. £70 for notice, £46 for the ceremony. Have to say 2 legal sentences.

If people want to avoid marriage, they'll probably avoid Civil Partnership too because it means exactly the same apart from you can't divorce under adultery.

Original poster
PerspicaciaTick · 01/12/2019 04:23

I agree that they are the same, although a lot of people seem to have very real issues with "marriage". So getting the same rights without having to admit to being married will be a big plus for them.

I suppose I do wonder how many men will agree to a CP when they didn't want to get married - thinking they are signing up for something less serious than it actually is.

OP posts:
CondeNasty · 01/12/2019 04:33

It is going to make barely any difference and the vast majority of those who opt for it will be those who would have got married anyway. A civil partnership will still just be a 'piece of paper' or other excuses for why they cant commit will be made up.

CondeNasty · 01/12/2019 04:38

although a lot of people seem to have very real issues with "marriage".

Having known a lot of people like this over the years it has been notable how many drop the strict moral objection with a new partner and marry. Whilst true objection to marriage does exist in the main the objection is not wanting to commit full stop. Civil partnership wont change that. It may make some people finally realise that their partner isn't ever going to commit to them though.

araiwa · 01/12/2019 04:41

I dont see what will change

If someone doesnt want to get married then they probably wont want this either

Original poster
PerspicaciaTick · 01/12/2019 04:44

It may make some people finally realise that their partner isn't ever going to commit to them though.

That is a very interesting point that I hadn't considered.

OP posts:
SgtFredColon · 01/12/2019 05:28

Ah I wanted one of these but got married instead. Should I get divorced and do this instead??? Wink

PapayaCoconut · 01/12/2019 06:44

@SgtFredColon

I think you'll be able to convert your marriage into a CP.

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 01/12/2019 06:55

An excuse for skanky men not to have to fork out on rings for his partener.

Kyvia · 01/12/2019 07:01

Lol Mr Onions, am I a skanky woman then for not wanting a ring, although DP has said he’d want to give me one should we get engaged?

I welcome this. I’d prefer one over marriage and all the historical associations.

Marnie76 · 01/12/2019 07:05

Mronions feminism was lost on you then 😳. Why is it up to men to buy the rings, woman earn money too. And as this may involve same sex couples too, your theory is equally stupid.

Valanice1989 · 06/12/2019 21:48

No need for a verbal contract or a ceremony (unless you want one). Just sign the bit of paper with your witnesses. No need to spend a fortune - you can do it all for less than £150 (or you can still go the whole hog if you want).

But that's always been the case! You can get married with two witnesses. Nye Bevan and Jennie Lee did it back in 1934 - she kept her maiden name, didn't wear white, and didn't wear a ring. It's not a modern development at all.

I think it will be really popular - or am I misreading the situation?

I would be very surprised if it became really popular. The main reason for falling marriage rates has absolutely nothing to do with objections to the word "marriage" itself - it's that the higher-earning partner doesn't want to share their assets and pension. I don't think the number of hetero couples who get civil partnerships will be anywhere close to the number who get married. But who knows? I may well be wrong. Maybe civil partnership will ultimately become more commonplace than marriage.

I also predict a few Daily Mail sadface articles from people who are shocked that they ran into trouble after their civil partner had an accident in a country where CPs aren't recognised, or are furious that they don't have access to their late civil partner's pension (even though they specifically chose the option that doesn't cover these scenarios!).

MistyCloud · 06/12/2019 21:49

I wonder how many men will be happy to sign this?

Original poster
PerspicaciaTick · 07/12/2019 00:02

The main reason for falling marriage rates has absolutely nothing to do with objections to the word "marriage" itself - it's that the higher-earning partner doesn't want to share their assets and pension.

There don't seem to be any differences between marriage and civil partnership when it comes to assets and pensions. The main difference I can see is that adultery isn't grounds for dissolution of a CP.

OP posts:
BingoLittlesUncle · 07/12/2019 00:32

I’ve never really understood why a registry office wedding wasn’t ok

Me too. I honestly cannot see the difference between a heterosexual civil partnership and a registry office wedding. Are people SO hung-up about the idea of "marriage"? Have a civil partnership by all means if you want one - but I don't see what you gain by it.

Boom45 · 07/12/2019 01:07

I didn't want a wedding so I spent £35 on an registry office job (and it was literally an office with witnesses hence the very low price). I get the security of marriage without any fuss, I don't see really what the difference is.

ThriftyMcThrifty · 07/12/2019 01:20

We’ve already been invited to two parties to celebrate civil ceremonies in January, I know lots of long term couples who never married. Pretty much all of them had said they would do this if it became available. Personally I would have too, it I’m married. I wish I’d had the choice.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/12/2019 01:20

What's the point? Anyone who doesn't want the legal entanglements of marriage won't do this either.

zsazsajuju · 07/12/2019 01:29

That’s so sad that that’s how you think women get “financial and legal” security from a man. It just doesn’t occur to you that many women get financial “and legal” from having a job and supporting their family

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 07/12/2019 02:09

I’d prefer one over marriage and all the historical associations.

But civil partnerships have a pretty tragic historical association too -telling people who are gay that they can’t get married but have to do this instead.

rosiejaune · 07/12/2019 02:30

I have been married to an abusive man, and it took me 8 years to get divorced (because he wouldn't co-operate). I would not get married again, partly because of its general historical associations with sexism, and partly because of the specific associations for me.

I would be quite happy to get civil partnered though. And since I am bi, it is important to me that I have the same official relationship options with a male partner as I would do with a female. Why should I be able to marry or civil partner a woman, but only marry a man?

I am grateful to the couple who put in the effort to take this to the Supreme Court, but it should never have been necessary; we should have had equality on this years ago.

blubelle7 · 07/12/2019 04:36

Will it really solve anything though? I'm not being obtuse just curious, if I was reluctant to getting married and thought it to be just a piece of paper or scared of the commitment and financial implications of marriage and a potential divorce, what would make me sign a CP? And if I'm willing to sign a CP, wouldn't it just be easier to have a registry wedding? I'm not sure

ForalltheSaints · 07/12/2019 07:36

I don't think it will make a great deal of difference to women who could face insecurity or an abusive relationship. The main beneficiaries will be probably be middle class women who are one half of a couple and not religious.

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