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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To love it when DH is out?

31 replies

ironickname · 30/11/2019 23:45

DH doesn't go out as much as he used to and frankly it's not working for me. I like having an evening to myself; to eat and watch what I like. Tonight he came home early and I was really pissed off. We've been together for 18 years, but are ok. I don't want to split up, but I would like to see less of him. I'm even starting to daydream about separate houses bedrooms.

Is this normal? Are we doomed?

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 30/11/2019 23:47

Well put it this way I decided to make it permanent and I'm overjoyed with the result Grin

Singlenotsingle · 30/11/2019 23:51

We've got the bedroom super comfy, TV, tea making facilities, like a second lounge. Then we can sit in separate rooms, watch different TV shows, phone friends, and get together later. It works.

SummerInSun · 30/11/2019 23:53

I know exactly what you mean. I love DH, I love the DC. But at home they are always there; at work I work in an open plan office. I feel like I never have anytime completely by myself. On the rare occasions DH is out, I LOVE having something for dinner that I like and he doesn't and watching some TV he doesn't want to watch. Of course I could do these things if he was in the house, it's not like he is controlling what I eat or watch, but it's not the same!

PersonaNonGarter · 30/11/2019 23:58

Normal, not doomed.

itwaseverthus · 01/12/2019 00:24

I remember my dm being frankly terrified of df retiring. They got separate bedrooms, bathrooms and even living rooms and have managed to say they're 57 years married. Space was a big factor although they still 'come together' as a couple (eugh). Whatever works. I need my space too though. Do what you need to get through. A room of one's own, as Ms Woolf would say.

mumofone2818 · 01/12/2019 00:24

I was just thinking about this earlier OP. sometimes i encourage him to go out when he is in two minds about it just so I can have some peace and quiet to myself once DD is in bed (usually by 7). Spent my night so far in bed eating chocolate and drinking wine - absolute bliss!

Guineapigbridge · 01/12/2019 00:27

Normal!

TheWeeMacGregors · 01/12/2019 10:13

Normal! Wish he went out more!

ISawyouinTescoyesterday · 01/12/2019 16:39

Normal. My dh doesn't go out much but when he does, eastenders and I'm a celeb goes on the tv. And I'm disappointed if he's early 😂 I normally have to watch on catch up as he can't stand programmes like that.

StrayWoman · 01/12/2019 16:49

I love DP, we're in our 30s and together 9 years.

But I LOVE it when he goes out. I get my candles lit, get on the recliner with Netflix ready, order a big dirty kebab and watch utter shite. It's fantastic.

wineandsunshine · 01/12/2019 16:52

Totally normal! I feel exactly the same 🤣🤣

Bluewavescrashing · 01/12/2019 16:53

I love having the house to myself Grin

mrsbyers · 01/12/2019 16:54

If I want space to myself I usually have a bath and watch some TV in the bedroom while hubbie is downstairs or ‘encourage’ him to go and watch sport in his pub shed or do some brewing in the garage

tequilasunrises · 01/12/2019 16:54

Normal! My DH goes on a football night out the weekend before Christmas every year and I buy myself a posh dinner, put Christmas films on and do all our wrapping on the living room floor, enjoying the peace. I’d actually be quite cross if he decided not to go this year Grin

fourfuckssake4 · 01/12/2019 17:14

Been together nearly 30 years, dh works away 2-3 nights a week Smile j get really cheesed off if he has a week at home. Have a lovely relationship but I'm used to my space. Dh loves it when I go out, away to see family as he gets time at home on his own. Occasionally even sleep in different rooms. DC are both at university love them to bits, miss them when not herel.Ds rang me yesterday so say he only has 22 days to get through then will be home for 4 weeks Shock dd only home for a week as she has to get back for work. Be lovely to spend time with them. Looking forward to peace and quite when it's all over. Perfectly normal

MitziK · 01/12/2019 17:17

It's normal to feel like that.

DP was ALWAYS HERE. He was there when I woke up, he was here when I came in from work, he was here all evening, he was here all night (obviously).

He got a job that involves one later shift a week and a Saturday morning.

It was bliss, I could potter about as I pleased, not have the TV on, not have every light on in the house, go to the loo without shutting the door, scratch my arse, cook whatever I fancied instead of him cooking.

Got home last Thursday night, looking forward to 'my' evening. The bugger had swapped shifts because he had a cold. So not only was he here, he was flumping about sniffing and sighing whilst wearing the Dressing Gown, all the lights were on, the TV, laptop and phone were all going at once and he'd made some foul Ding Dinner where he'd forgotten about the need for vegetables and had drunk all my orange juice.

I had a right cob on about it. One night a week without fucking 'comedy' on the TV, laptop and phone. One night a week without feeling like I'm still at work from every fucking light being on all the fucking time. And he selfishly felt ill enough to not spare me that.

I got over it. I made him drink elderflower syrup, made ginger, lemon and honey tea and got the bugger back to work before he could ruin my Saturday morning as well feeling better and functioning again.

If he changes jobs so that he doesn't work an evening and a half day at the weekend anymore, I'll cultivate a more regular gym habit so I don't kill him get some exercise.

billybagpuss · 01/12/2019 17:20

6 years ago for Christmas I asked for 'Gone with the Wind' and 4 hours alone to watch it. It spent 5 years in its cellophane wrapper, I eventually persuaded DH to go out with his camera for the day whilst the kids were working, took the dog for a long walk and settled down with suitable wine and snacks, it was bliss.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 01/12/2019 17:23

My DH is away one night a week - I actually look forward to it every week! Like a PP, he has TV, phone and laptop going all at the same time every evening - drives me nuts! I am dreading the Christmas break when he is off for 3 whole weeks - don't know what I will do without my own space and time!

MotherHeggy · 01/12/2019 18:02

Reading your posts makes me realise how lucky I am. I'm single (happily so) and get my own space 24/7.

I remember loving it when the ex husband wasn't at home.

TheSquitz · 01/12/2019 18:07

It's normal! I love it when DH goes cycling/camping for a few nights. He went to his mum's today and I was really looking forward to an aftetnoon to myself but the bastard came home early.

Bloke23 · 01/12/2019 18:10

My old man did 23 years in the army, left and did long distance lorry driving, was away monday to friday, they paid there mortgage off and my old man got a local job, 4 years on my mum uas struggled to adjust to him being home every night

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 01/12/2019 18:11

It’s normal!

I like a night to myself now and then, dc in bed, DH out with friends. I watch a rubbish girl film, drink wine and love it

I think DH likes it when I go out too, judging by the way he was whistling to himself while making a mini cheeseboard for himself when I was getting ready to go out last week.

Being in your own company for a few hours can be a needed tonic sometimes

Areyoufree · 01/12/2019 18:12

I had a right cob on about it.

Oh my god, I haven't heard that expression in years! The nostalgia!

xmaself24 · 01/12/2019 18:16

I'm not like this at all!

Bluerussian · 01/12/2019 18:21

Is there another sitting room you could occupy, with your own TV, books and taking your laptop or whatever you want in there? Your own den. I also approve of separate bedrooms, privacy is essential (doesn't mean you never have nooky).

That sounds pretty good to me. Something husband and I planned to do when he fully retired - we had the room but house needs sorting out big time.

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