Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be viewed as low achiever

60 replies

Imadogpersonreally · 30/11/2019 21:03

Am I being right in thinking that my family and friends are being snotty and annoying?!
DH and I met in London in our early 20s and lived, worked, bought a property and had two DC there. The plan was to work really hard whilst there and when time was right, move to a village up north to raise our kids.
We never received any financial or physical help from our families for deposits, childcare, renovations etc.. Did it all by ourselves. It wasn't easy.

We both had careers, invested all our money into fixing up our London property and never really had holidays, expensive clothes, latest tech etc.. Recently we bought a property up north.. Outright without a mortgage. A modest but nice 3 bed place. Our place in London is being rented out. We have both given up on our careers and plan to look for simple day jobs that pay the bills whilst we plan to pursue our passions in art and nature. Our costs are small, the DC will go to a lovely school and there's family close by.

But some of our siblings and friends are looking down on us now that we don't have careers anymore! They've all done OK for themselves academically or financially and can't seem to understand our decision to have a simpler life! I think we've done OK having two properties, small outgoings and all before turning 40. Am I missing something here?

OP posts:
SallyWD · 30/11/2019 21:08

I think you've done really well and I love your way of life now. It sounds so appealing to me. Well done! Ignore everyone else's opinions.

Xenadog · 30/11/2019 21:12

It is jealousy, pure and simple. Enjoy your lovely new life.

Elieza · 30/11/2019 21:16

They are just jealous. You’ve done so well. Congrats.

How could they not just be happy for you. Get new pals. Grin

LilyPinkNoah · 30/11/2019 21:19

You have freedom. No longer slaves to the 'system' I would love to have that liberty - well done.

I read somewhere that we have the harshest form of capitalism in this country. You've broken free.

Original poster
Imadogpersonreally · 30/11/2019 21:19

@Elieza would have to get new siblings and cousins too Grin

OP posts:
SlothOfSluggishness · 30/11/2019 21:19

Sounds fabulous to me!

Eggies · 30/11/2019 21:21

That's what it's all about OP! You and your DH have worked your butts off and made the sacrifices to be able to live the life you both want, I think that's highly commendable. If your family and friends look down on you they obviously can't see outside their little career hamster wheel yet.

Songsofexperience · 30/11/2019 21:22

You've just described what I'd love to achieve!

LaurieFairyCake · 30/11/2019 21:23

Yep, you've done something amazing.

I am 9 years from being mortgage free (if I try really hard). After that dh and I will be working as little as possible (at the moment we're working pretty much 29 days a month)

Janaih · 30/11/2019 21:27

They are jealous. I'm jealous! Enjoy the fruits of your labour:)

Original poster
Imadogpersonreally · 30/11/2019 21:30

@LaurieFairyCake we still have a mortgage on the London property, but it obviously gets covered by tenants at the moment. Just hoping they will stay and look after the place reasonably well.. 9 years to being mortgage free is so close! Well done and keep at it Smile

OP posts:
WaggleWiggle · 30/11/2019 21:30

I genuinely think they must be jealous. It’s hard to imagine why they’d look down on you for being happily settled, comfortable and doing things with your lives that you feel are meaningful. Isn’t that the dream for everyone except those whose lives revolve solely around their possessions?

RogGestYeGerryMentlemen · 30/11/2019 21:32

They're jealous. In my opinion you're doing the right thing, and DH and I are attempting something similar.

CardiFree · 30/11/2019 21:33

Oh it's sad that they can't be happy for you.

It's quite obviously envy at your well thought out plans coming to fruition.

Either that or they're just inveterate snobs who judge people on size of house, type of car and a certain lifestyle.

YANBU.

AbsentmindedWoman · 30/11/2019 21:36

You can't surely view yourself as low achievers?

You have a rental property in London and own another outright to live in yourselves?

Yeah sorry I can't believe you're in any doubt about your achievements.

Original poster
Imadogpersonreally · 30/11/2019 21:37

@WaggleWiggle I'm thinking it could be a status thing.. What does your sister do? She's works in a shop.. Could potentially bother my brother and his wife 😂

OP posts:
Aridane · 30/11/2019 21:38

YABU to regard yourself as a low achiever

Original poster
Imadogpersonreally · 30/11/2019 21:41

@AbsentmindedWoman unfortunately I'm surrounded by academic snobs.. I still have dreams and ambitions, but hoping to live a simple life for a while..

OP posts:
hushnowthanks · 30/11/2019 21:42

They’re jealous to death. I know this because I, too, am jealous to death Envy (actual envy).

Congratulations on all your hard work, op. Your beautiful children will reap the benefits of all your hard graft. Enjoy the present - it’s a goal many of us can only dream of, and yet you’ve achieved it! Flowers

Bourbonbiccy · 30/11/2019 21:47

You should never think of yourselves as low achievers, you have achieved the life you both want and nothing beats that.

A career is just that and if the people around you judge or define you based on your career or job title, they really need to take a long hard look at themselves and you need to build a better network of people around you in your lovely new happy life (even including your family 😳)

Well done you guys --- you high achievers you !!!

CBGBs · 30/11/2019 21:49

You sound like you could be a follower of the FIRE movement? (Financial Independence Retire Early - although the retire part is subjective as many people continue to ‘work’ on their own terms). What you’ve done is called Geographical Arbitrage within the FIRE movement. So, leveraging a valuable property to fund a more relaxed life in a low cost of living area.

I am a follower and hope to be mortgage free in 7 years, by the age of 43.

Original poster
Imadogpersonreally · 30/11/2019 21:56

@CBGBs Never knew there was a movement?! I'll look into it. Our rental property doesn't provide much income for us yet, hence the need to keep on working. But yes, on our terms..

OP posts:
Jodie77 · 30/11/2019 22:13

You have rejected external success for real-time happiness. They are jealous. Or they are not jealous but they are annoyed at having to question their own life goals and motives. Achievements are not awards and accolades. They can be. But that is not the be all and end all. If the pinnacle of success in a capitalist society is to achieve the happiness you pursue, then you've beat the game. You've done it. And it casts a shadow on all those external measures of success they are measuring their life by. The promotions, the designer clothes, the holidays. So they push back and try and make you feel little for living a downsized life, because they can see your peace and they do not understand it. We don't need to hoard wealth or display awards to be happy; that's the lie they tell us. Happiness is an inside job, and finding some peace in this relentless and restless climate is the real achievement, not having a letter or five before your name

CBGBs · 30/11/2019 22:31

@Imadogpersonreally Yes, there’s a movement, you must check it out. It’s mainly US based but there is a book called Reset by David Sawyer which is UK based.

There’s a great US blog called Mr Money Mustache and some good podcasts called ChooseFi, The Mad FIentist and Afford anything. Well done

Dowser · 30/11/2019 23:37

You’ve done all that by the time you’re 40
That’s good going