To be viewed as low achiever

[Imadogpersonreally]

Am I being right in thinking that my family and friends are being snotty and annoying?!
DH and I met in London in our early 20s and lived, worked, bought a property and had two DC there. The plan was to work really hard whilst there and when time was right, move to a village up north to raise our kids.
We never received any financial or physical help from our families for deposits, childcare, renovations etc.. Did it all by ourselves. It wasn't easy.

We both had careers, invested all our money into fixing up our London property and never really had holidays, expensive clothes, latest tech etc.. Recently we bought a property up north.. Outright without a mortgage. A modest but nice 3 bed place. Our place in London is being rented out. We have both given up on our careers and plan to look for simple day jobs that pay the bills whilst we plan to pursue our passions in art and nature. Our costs are small, the DC will go to a lovely school and there's family close by.

But some of our siblings and friends are looking down on us now that we don't have careers anymore! They've all done OK for themselves academically or financially and can't seem to understand our decision to have a simpler life! I think we've done OK having two properties, small outgoings and all before turning 40. Am I missing something here?

You have achieved what many people never will. Well done.

Sounds like you’re living the dream. Bloody well done to you and your DH - you must be a formidable team.

Any negative comments are bound to be symptoms of jealousy and lack of perspective.

Thank you all! I feel like we've done well, although it was so difficult we nearly ended up divorced at one point! We've been living in the London house without a kitchen for nearly a year, young baby and no working boiler for a month in January, always bought all our furniture baby buggies etc. second hand.. The list goes on... I guess our jobs were quite interesting and it made us the cool London couple in the eyes of our family. Now we're just ordinary village people 😁

Why do you care so much about what other people think?

Haha they don't look down you, they're jealous, as am I . I think you know that!

People’s worth is definitely equated to career in this country. Sad but true. You’ve realised your dreams so I wouldn’t care at all.

What have people actually said to suggest they look down on you? Are you sure you're not getting people's backs up by telling them how much or little you've got left on your mortgage? I have no idea of these kind of financial details for any of my friends and I'd think it was a bit odd/boasty if one of them announced they'd paid off their mortgage and were off to live the simple life.

God this sounds lovely!

I agree with PP that they're either jealous or don't understand that success doesn't always equate to a high flying career. Amibiton doesn't have to be about money and climbing the ladder, it can be about doing something you love and doing what is right for you and your family. A much healthier ambition to have IMHO.

Congrats on making it happen!

Thats amazing well done. Id love to be able to do that. Currently discussing with DH expanding our portfolio of one rental student property to two - the long term aim would to just manage our properties with no other income from careers.

I think its bred into a people at school that you NEED a career to get on. Thats what school and uni is set up for.

@mauvaisereputation we don't go around telling people how much we've got left on our mortgage. The comments we've gotten are: do you think it's wise to leave a good job behind? Why would you want to work in a xxxxx? Are you going to look something similar up there? Are you driving to the nearest big city for work etc..

Well done. I think it's amazing that you had a dream and a plan and followed it and it's working out. Sounds like your family just don't get it and they're probably jealous that they don't have the ability/ financial security or courage to do it.

Even my 10 year old has asked me "don't you want to do a job that requires your degree?" "Don't you want to do something for you?"

I replied no - I don't want to send you to breakfast club and after school club every day. I don't want to pay £1000 of childcare a month for your brother. I am doing something for me doing a job that I enjoy (care) that fits in well with my family.

Don't listen to what others say, honestly it's probably just pure jealousy on their part. You have been frugal,goal determined and have stepped back to follow your happiness, that is admirable.
The politics of envy are clearly present and that is not great really, so ignore.
I am retired ,mortgage free, not 40 yet and others do change their demeanour around me. Either trying to pitch new ideas to me to invest in, ask for loans, solicit my advice etc etc.

So advise is other than close family and friends, others do need not need to know about your financial situation or reasons why you choose your new life.
No one is owed an explanation, hope you enjoy new life!

I think it's either jealousy, or they're frightened as you're not conforming to what is considered "the norm".

I've just given up my lecturer role to be a full time parent. My husband has left his career as an architect to take a "lower" career as a project manager for a building company where he has so much free time now.
We've sold our house in England and will use that money for a very simple life here in Australia. People here are so happy for us but family back home in the UK are bewildered about us, and why we'd rather spend our day fishing or mountain climbing rather than doing a 9-5. We are very happy with our very simple life. I hope you will be too.

I think this is a huge achievement of which you should be proud. It sounds like the people around you are busy caught up in the rat race that they aren't quite getting what you are trying to achieve. Nothing wrong with that although judging your choices is rubbish.

This is something we also aspire too and we have been saving hard to reach a similar goal.

I think your choices are completely valid and I'm always happy to see any sign that people are rejecting the rat race flavoured koolaid. However, just to play devil's advocate, I am at a stage of life and from a demographic where this mid-life downsizing (for want of a better word) is not uncommon. I'd say roughly 75% of people who have done it retreated from it to some extent, with the main reasons being

• They realised that "basic" jobs can still be stressful as fuck (arguably more so than a lot of "big" jobs) and aren't even compensated by better pay.

-They realised that volunteering and community service type stuff was nowhere near as rewarding as they expected- instead of saving the world they're now Karen the foodbank boss's slave.

• There were loads of new stresses/ irritations due to not being able to throw money at problems anymore.

• They realised that while the simple life was good 90% of the time, they weren't prepared to be as frugal as the situation required.

Now, obviously this is anecdotal and maybe my friends are just hard to please but just putting it out there. The good news is that all of them have stuck with it to an extent so maybe it's a question of personal balance.

To me, actively choosing to not work in order to live on benefits (unless you can't afford not to) is low achievement. My achievements are getting a foundation degree, an average job which pays the bills and buying a house in my early 20's. I would never describe myself as a low achiever so I think you have done very well!!

Good on you! Your family are either jealous, or narrow minded. I've never had a career, or even a very well paid job, but I am now looking to find a job I will actually enjoy for probably even less money. I can't stand people who equate "success" with your money or your job. To me success means you are happy with your lot, are kind and empathetic - and live the kind of life you want to live, rather than what society expects.

That sounds like heaven I'm very envious

@soulrunner You do have a point 😂 I'm not really imagining that life will be a stress-free bed of roses from now on. I did enjoy my career a lot (fashion) especially pre-kids, but grew frustrated that I was always fulfilling someone else's vision rather than my own. I'm hoping I'll have more time now start drawing again that commute is 10 minutes rather than 1hr. And that if one of the dc gets ill and need to be picked up in the middle of the day, i can just get there without worrying about train delays, traffic and whatever else..

We have done FIRE and retired in our early fifties. However we have done our sums really thoroughly and will not be living any more frugally than before.

What I would say is that kids are pretty cheap but teens and uni kids are very, very expensive. We probably could have quit the rat race a bit earlier but did a few more years to bank some money for the younger kids and I’m really glad we did. It means our kids choices won’t be restricted by our finances.

we don't go around telling people how much we've got left on our mortgage. The comments we've gotten are: do you think it's wise to leave a good job behind? Why would you want to work in a xxxxx? Are you going to look something similar up there? Are you driving to the nearest big city for work etc..

Ok - if they don't know your financial situation and all the things you set out in your OP as being proud of, then your friends and family seeis that you and your partner are both leaving high paying roles for low paying roles. In this case of course they're going to gently question you as to whether it's a good idea in the long term. For most people, this would be exposing them and their families to financial instability of the very kind that you have worked hard to avoid. How are they to know you have substantial savings and no mortgage liabilities??

There was something in the 90s called downshifting - swapping a stressful job/life for a less well paid job and a slower pace of life, which is essentially what you’ve done and good luck to you!

Have you got a good pension?