I'm sorry to post this here, but I just need to know if I am having unreasonable expectations here or if I have a reason to feel hard done by... and if so, what can I do about it?
I've been having mental health difficulties since September... I was experiencing bad anxiety before that, but I was assaulted by two strangers in the late summer and it really sent me into a bit of a spiral. It took me weeks to tell my GP about it and by then things had got quite bad. She referred me for counselling on IAPT (it's not self-refer in my area) but they rejected it, as it was outside their remit. I was then referred on to secondary services, but when they phoned me they said it would involve having a social worker, being put on a vulnerable adults list and going to workshops about employment and integration into the community. I have a job I love, a stable family life and I think I'm pretty integrated into the community - so it seemed to me like a bit of a waste of their resources and I went back to my GP and asked if there were other options. She said she could refer me for psych evaluation at the hospital and made another referral. This was back in September, and it was supposed to be on some kind of urgent pathway.
Since then I've not heard anything, despite chasing! A few weeks ago I went to A and E because I felt so bad and I was having such scary thoughts (I won't go into it, but you can imagine what I mean). The psych liaison woman there was lovely and said that she would write to my GP to tell them to speed things up.
This week I've been feeling worse... and my GP told me that I'd get a call at the start of the week, but still nothing. I ended up going to A&E again because I felt so utterly desperate, but there were much more serious things going on and they sent me away. Today I called the SPA number and they said they have received my referral but it has been reviewed and the case has been closed because I have "not engaged" - but I never heard from anyone, despite chasing up many times, so I am not sure what I was supposed to do?
I just feel like I can't carry on like this... I'm so scared all the time and I sometimes have such bad thoughts. I feel like it must be my fault... Yet at the same time, the little part of me that still feels some self-worth thinks it's not right that this has happened.
So... basically, am I being unreasonable to think that this is not okay? I don't trust my judgements any more and I just can't keep asking and getting knocked back... I don't know how I can make this better.