Mental health... am I being unreasonable about this?

[NovemberRose90]

I'm sorry to post this here, but I just need to know if I am having unreasonable expectations here or if I have a reason to feel hard done by... and if so, what can I do about it?

I've been having mental health difficulties since September... I was experiencing bad anxiety before that, but I was assaulted by two strangers in the late summer and it really sent me into a bit of a spiral. It took me weeks to tell my GP about it and by then things had got quite bad. She referred me for counselling on IAPT (it's not self-refer in my area) but they rejected it, as it was outside their remit. I was then referred on to secondary services, but when they phoned me they said it would involve having a social worker, being put on a vulnerable adults list and going to workshops about employment and integration into the community. I have a job I love, a stable family life and I think I'm pretty integrated into the community - so it seemed to me like a bit of a waste of their resources and I went back to my GP and asked if there were other options. She said she could refer me for psych evaluation at the hospital and made another referral. This was back in September, and it was supposed to be on some kind of urgent pathway.

Since then I've not heard anything, despite chasing! A few weeks ago I went to A and E because I felt so bad and I was having such scary thoughts (I won't go into it, but you can imagine what I mean). The psych liaison woman there was lovely and said that she would write to my GP to tell them to speed things up.

This week I've been feeling worse... and my GP told me that I'd get a call at the start of the week, but still nothing. I ended up going to A&E again because I felt so utterly desperate, but there were much more serious things going on and they sent me away. Today I called the SPA number and they said they have received my referral but it has been reviewed and the case has been closed because I have "not engaged" - but I never heard from anyone, despite chasing up many times, so I am not sure what I was supposed to do?

I just feel like I can't carry on like this... I'm so scared all the time and I sometimes have such bad thoughts. I feel like it must be my fault... Yet at the same time, the little part of me that still feels some self-worth thinks it's not right that this has happened.

So... basically, am I being unreasonable to think that this is not okay? I don't trust my judgements any more and I just can't keep asking and getting knocked back... I don't know how I can make this better.

Sertroline can be a really excellent medication , it's good you've started something although that's not everything I know...

PPs make some really good points, can you access workplace support? There's quite a few charities In my area as I live in a big city, would your area be similar?

I did try Mind, but they said that there wasn't much they could do.
I also tried the SARC on my GP's recommendation, but they have so much demand that their waiting list is actually closed!
My GP definitely does have the correct tel no and I have been chasing via SPA anyway, but they kept saying they had no record of the referral - so I'd go back to the GP, who said they definitely sent it, although they did resend it a couple of times.

It's just too hard! And maybe it is just proof that I really an unreasonable and I don't deserve anything. This is what I start to feel.

Give your medication a while longer to stabilise you. It really does work. But can make things worse for the first couple of weeks, so don't panic x

My employer is subscribed (if that's the right way of putting it) to an Employee Assistance Programme... but I called for an assessment and they also said that my problems are outside their remit.

Sorry, you're all being so kind and giving such helpful advice... and I feel like I'm being very obstructive!

Ah, sorry to hear that Mind couldn’t help. There’s a specialist sexual assault counselling charity in my area, might there be one near you?

And seconding pp about Rethink, worth a try.

That's a bit of a crap assistance plan then isn't it!!

You're not being obstructive these are all the stupid barriers I came up against.

How do you feel about working? Do you think a couple of weeks off could help?

I've basically been dragging myself into work in tears every day...but if I take time off (I did on Tuesday) I just find my thoughts getting worse and worse and my "distractions" aren't working very well. So although my GP offered to sign me off, I said no. I think it is better to try to keep going.

I don’t think you’re being obstructive, you sound like you’re trying really hard to get some support and you’re trapped in some sort of bureaucratic nightmare. I’ve got some experience of waiting lists, poor quality services, wrong kind of support and no support, but not this horrible maze where you’re told you’ve failed to engage with something that you had no idea you were supposed to be engaging with. It’s fucking ridiculous that people get put through this shit.

You've had some good advice here so not much I can add that hasn't already been suggested. You deserve the same care and treatment that a person with a broken leg or similar gets. Just because your illness isn't visible doesn't mean you're less important.

YOU matter. YOU are important. YOU deserve help and access to relevant services.
I truly hope things improve for you .
Just to add, I suffer from bad anxiety and after exhausting medication, herbal remedies etc I am having hypnotherapy. I was very skeptical but it's really helping. It's not available yet on the NHS so I'm paying but it's a small price for your mental wellbeing.
Take care

Have you got a local charity for assault? I was sexually assaulted a while ago and was referred to an ISVA (independent sexual violence advisor) who then referred me for counselling which was a massive help. I work for a large company which also offers counselling through HR but I couldn't use this as my assault was going through the justice system. I really do feel for you and empathise with the frustration, I genuinely hope you find some help soon.

I should add for the sake of balance that I have also had some really good support, especially the last counsellor I saw, accessed via GP. Just in case it’s sounding as though there’s no decent services out there.

Thank you for all your help and suggestions. I don't feel like I deserve it. You are all so kind.

If I could just disappear...I would. But I would never try to end my life because I just can't bear to think of the mess and hurt it would leave behind.

BACP for counsellors.

Lots of people have no clue what they need. You look up some profiles on the BACP site then arrange to phone a few. Let them know you aren't sure if their service is the right one for you. A quick chat and they'll tell you what they think and you'll get a feel for them.

Also, google is your friend. Get on there searching for advice on best treatments for your kind of symptoms.

Watch videos made by people who have battled anxiety.

There are loads of resources. If you can take the first few steps you'll find they help.

Also, take exercise every day in sunlight. Hugely underrated as a mood booster.

I don’t have any more suggestions to add, just thought I would share my brief brush with MH services....

DH got diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s last year. My aunt also has stage 3 breast cancer. Out of the blue I developed a heart condition (arrhythmia), was hospitalised and am waiting for further tests.
We have three children under 10 .

My GP thought my heart issues may be stress related and recommended counselling. I didn’t feel particularly stressed (just very sad, but still coping), but thought it could be good to talk to someone.

Cue: sitting in group therapy discussing how to keep panic attacks at bay, especially when about to have a job interview or an exam. One of the techniques was to visualise “the worst that could happen”. I didn’t think “everybody dies, including me” was a helpful contribution .....

You're all such strong people... I wish I could cope with things like you are able to, but I just can't.

It's soul destroying, no matter how strong you are. My (young adult) daughter was trying to get support from February - when they told her she was an urgent case - until August and still hadn't got past an 'initial' (in April) assessment. I work for the local MH trust, and couldn't work out what was going on, she just seemed to be being referred around in circles - Kafkaesque was honestly the only way to describe it. I felt very distressed by it all, and obviously it was worse for her.

Eventually we just paid for a private psychiatrist. Horribly expensive but so worth it - someone who could actually listen and advise, it really made a difference to her. If you're in the south east I can tell you where she went.

I really hope you can get some support soon.

No advice OP but lots and lots of sympathy. I hope you have family and friends about who can help you.

I hope you get some proper help soon and that you start to feel better.
💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

The Samaritans can listen if you feel overwhelmed. You don't need to be suicidal. Sometimes a sympathetic ear can let a little light in.

Have you spoken to anyone at rape crisis or victim support? They may be able to either offer you support or signpost who to contact to get help.

Hopefully your meds will kick in after the usual 3weeks.From experience, the therapy I got on NHS was dire. It was well you're working so you can't be that bad etc, no real understanding of my issues. (depression due to crap childhood & minor sexual assault). Private therapy was a revelation, he just 'got' the issues. As a temporary measure if you can't afford to get private counselling, these helplines are available:Depression Alliance Tel: 0845 123 2320. Depression UK, Tel. 0207 403 0888.

Even once a month private due to cost, was better than NHS crap ones weekly tbh. They often do after work & weekend appt too which NHS won't, which was a blessing.

Some good advice here OP.

It's not that you don't deserve help. It's likely because the first level service has bounced your case as too complex, but the acute level service has then bounced you for not being severe enough. You end up trapped in the middle with no service. This happened to me and it was a fucking nightmare. I ended up using complementary therapies and self help after being on antidepressants for almost a year with no support. I think waiting for "help" can be part of the problem sometimes, in reality no matter how crap things are, you are not powerless or useless, that's just a lie told by the depression/OCD. You still have power and agency and you are still able to care for yourself.

You've all given me such good advice and I don't deserve it.

I'm too ashamed to go to Rape Crisis because it was my fault... I didn't try hard enough to get away because I was too scared. When I was at school, we were taught in RE about this Italian girl saint, who was attacked by a farmhand and was canonized because she was stabbed 14 times rather than submitting to him (shouting a lot of things about God and sins at him). When I was in class, I thought she was dumb to endanger her life like that, and I got put in detention for a week for saying to the nun who taught us that it wasn't responsible to tell a class of 13 year old girls that this was the ideal we should aspire to. And now, the fact is that I am a coward and I was too weak and too afraid to even get away and I froze up like I wasn't even in my own body anymore. But I feel guilty and dirty...

I beg you, get angry at your attackers and be kind to yourself. Your reactions were automatic, driven by fear for your own survival. You owe nobody any explanation for your natural actions in a crisis created by the horrible actions of others. You should not feel a shred of guilt, that belongs entirely to your attackers.

Sweetheart that is an involuntary physical response to a frightening situation and you have nothing to feel ashamed of. It's part of the horror that you're blaming yourself, which is also a common response and I know how hard it is not to feel that way, but if it helps we're here to assure you that the only fault is with the bastards who attacked you and whoever you speak to at Rape Crisis will 1000% understand your situation. So please do call them. And don't wait for the NHS services if you can possibly pay for the immediate help you need. You need a counsellor who specialises in dealing with trauma. I met one once who helped everyone from people in your situation to victims of armed robbery like staff in jewellery shops and the secuicor guys who take money into banks, and he was very skilled at helping them return to normality. There are people who can help you. Hang in there and do not be hard on yourself. As your judgment is skewed through no fault of your own, you'll have to trust us. Much love.