To say three is worse than two?

[Sleeplesssleepseeker]

Before I start I should say that I love both my children and I am eternally grateful for them...

...but Hell's Fish in Batter! My 3 yo is hard work right now.

I look back with misty eyes at the (supposedly) "terrible" twos and wonder where my sweet little boy went. Yes there were some tantrums at that age but it's nothing compared to what three has brought along!

I often have days where genuinely struggle to enjoy spending time with him - the not listening to a WORD I say, the answering back (God help me for the teenage years!), the whining, the CONSTANT talking, the demands for things, the strops when he doesn't get his own way. Oh it's driving me potty!

I'm constantly wondering if I'm just a shit parent who is getting it all wrong, but from speaking to others it does sound like three is a tricky age generally. Why does no one tell you this though? There's so much talk of the terrible twos, and no mention of the horrible threes!

Although when he's on form he is a pleasure to be with, chatty, bright, funny... but the other side of the coin is very frustrating.

So AIBU to say that three is harder work than two?

I'm finding my three much harder than two, but then the 6 year old has a lot to answer for my questionable sanity too.

You're both ready for school.

@CustomerCervixDepartment

Wow. That was an intense rant. Do you feel better now?
They ARE worth it though, sorry. It's the truth!
But it also helps to have a bloody good moan about the (many) hard bits.
What's that saying... Nothing worthwhile is easy?

@ironickname Amen. And I thank my lucky stats for preschool days!

Yeah 3/4yo can be hard work.
14/15yo are worse! My dd is about to be 14.. Not looking forward to next couple years 😆.

I feel fine, cheers for the sarcasm, I’m proudly Childfree and adore my life, I despise people who feel triggered by my choice to not inflict consumers into existence and verbally abuse me over it, whilst simultaneously whining about how awful their lifestyle choice to have a kid is. Hope that helps. 😂🥂

@CustomerCervixDepartment eh? Where did I "verbally abuse" you?
I was just being silly (or as you say sarcastic) about your post, but not in an abusive way. It just seemed quite intense for a thread that was just a (mostly) light-hearted whine (to use your word) about parenting struggles.

I'm very glad you are happily child free and love your life. I may moan about aspects of parenting, but I do love my life too, and my children. Sometimes it just feels tough in the trenches and helpful to sound off about it where there are others who understand.

Dd1 has been a nightmare since she was born 18 months old. Her tantrums are still epic at 5 and a half. When she's not having a tantrum she's lovely! I dread the teen years with her. The tantrums are less frequent as she gets older though.
Dd2 has been a dream up till now. She's 2 and a half. We have noticed more "naughty" behaviour as she gets closer to 3 - not listening mainly, but she rarely has a tantrum.
Maybe I'll be proved wrong and DD2 will be the nightmare teen.
I get told "it gets better/easier" but no one will specify when!

I think it just depends on the child.

My eldest was a tricky baby, who cried a lot, but became easy at around 3/4 months and has been a dream ever since - we totally breezed through the 2's and the 3's (now 11 - let's see what the teen years bring).

My dd was an easy baby, but extremely difficult and stroppy for an extended period afterwards (about 20 months till around age 7 and she still has her moments now at 10...) - she's like the girl from that poem, 'there was a little girl, who had a little curl', because she can definitely be lovely too.

Youngest dc3 sat somewhere between chilled out dc1 and stroppy dc2 - I used to have to carry him everywhere as he wouldn't walk or sit in the pushchair, but he wasn't too bad otherwise.

My sister always remembers dc3 being the most difficult of mine, as he was much more physically difficult (constantly wanting to be carried, running off, climbing, etc), but I'd take that over the relentless tantrums of dc2 - so I think everyone has a different take on what constitutes a difficult stage in childhood too!

3 was horrific for my eldest too. It did coincide with his brother being born but my god he was a monster

I found two harder than three but I had my boys close in age so that's probably why lol. My daughter is nearly 4 and moans all the time that I can't cope with lol.

If its any consolation, after being an adorable but VERY hard work baby, toddler, threenager, my 5yo is absolutely, utterly delightful (for now). Polite, cheerful, often listens to what I'm saying. I could take her almost anywhere.
2.9yo DS is another story... he's less predictable than DD was. Some days he's an angel child. Days like yesterday, I would have happily left him out for the binmen. He only has 3 words, one of.which is NO, and he makes sure he uses it. Foot stamping, glares, kicking and pushing, food refusing, the lot. Can't wait for 3

2 of mine went through the tantrum stage early and were delightful at 2. But they were both a nightmare when they started school, the eldest would bite me and hit me on the way home, the youngest had to be carried home under my arm while he had a tantrum. So never mind the threenager, beware the fucking fours. I'm now in a happy stage, youngest is 7 and usually a complete delight, eldest two are 10 and 12 so many jokes about the hormones about to hit but generally they are fab.

A work colleague says all children have the same amount of bad in them, it just comes out at different times. So the difficult small child becomes an easy teenager and the dream baby is a nightmare at 12. I also suspect the parent's personality matters as well, DH was fab with the DC when they were tiny whereas I found the baby stage very hard work. He's finding it difficult adjusting to the hormone driven concerns of our DDs whereas I find it much easier to be sympathetic to that.

@CustomerCervixDepartment, the things you have to work hardest at are often the most rewarding. I wouldn’t tell a marathon runner to stop moaning about their blisters because it was their choice to run for miles. I’d encourage them to be proud of what they’d achieved so far and keep going.

Naff off with your self hating rant, nobody has more right to existence than anyone else, did you book a trip to dignitas when you found out what a harmful species you belonged to?

@Sleeplesssleepseeker my practically 4 year old can talk for England. I thought preschool might chill her out at a bit at home - nope. She’s just got more to talk about now

I totally respect anyone's choice to not have DC, but also respect that anyone with three DC is entirely within their rights to publicly say "it's a bit shit some days" and not be chastised.

We have a 14 year and an 8 year old and while some moments are a bit "whaaaaaaat the fuck" it's also wonderful. I don't know any parents who'd say "it's all awful" because it just isn't. There are tough days and better days and it's perfectly normal to talk about both openly and honestly.

When my second who is 7 was born I read a lot about "regressions" in babies just before they had a development leap....regression being the word for cranky basically! Well I think the same goes for kids too except they can vocalise their "crankiness".

My eldest seems to have a cycle....happy, angry, emotional and then back to being happy again. He has been on this cycle since about age 3.

Also, my parents had three DC (adopted me when I was 10) and even now my Mum will occasionally shout "I'd have been happy with two, three is too many, one of you will have to go" when we all descend on her house. My siblings are in their late 40's and I'm in my 30's and she still jokes about the chaos we create. It's family life; that combination of chaos, love and ridiculous behaviour is what our family thrived on.

@MmmMalbec I’ve tried to blame my DS’s sudden shift on DC3 being born.....but he was edging into this phase while I was still pregnant so I think it would have happened baby or no baby. But baby has definitely aggravated the situation. He’s learnt that when I’m bf, I’m essentially stuck and can’t stop him when he goes all destructo-boy

For my DD 3 was definitely harder than 2. More tantrums, and more anger/ emotion behind them so she didn't just forget about it when distracted like when she was 2. She was also far more articulate so would actually argue with me which was exhausting.

She turned 4 a couple of months ago and I would say it is getting easier.

I now have a son in the 2s so I am bracing myself for what is to come! 🤣

@thepolishwombat mine was exactly the same. He went through a phase of shoving the hand towel down the loo when I was feeding DS2. He’d take the muslin away and put it out of my reach. He’d push my foot rest out from under my feet etc etc. I think he would have always gone down this route too but it would have been easier to manage and also different targets without DS2! Hard hard work!!!

@MmmMalbec my DS’s favourite thing is to up-end every single toy box in our Kallax unit while I’m feeding, then point blank refuses to pick any of it up.
So I’ve now started getting a bin bag out and tell him he’d better pick them up faster than I can! Anything that’s not picked up after whatever timer I’ve set on my phone goes into toy jail for a while....not that he appears to have a single fuck to give about toys being confiscated

@thePolishWombat oh god that sounds just like what my son would do. I’ve also made the charity shop threat but he doesn’t give many fucks about anything. He’s nearly 5 and we still haven’t worked out a way to get him to do what he’s told 😭😭😭😭

Yep, 2 and 3 both horrendous. Not a nice feeling to not really like your own child but that’s how it was for me. 4 was sooo much better and 5 is lovely so far.

I have 4 children and have always said I never had the terrible 2 just the f'ing awful 3's. Then they got better till 12/13 for about a year. They 16 years old was rough too.
Ebbs and flows. Just keep the mantra 'this stage doesn't last forever!'
Good luck

Ugh OP I hope not, DD was 2 a couple of weeks ago and has been challenging from about 20 months...she is just so strong willed! She goes to liquid when she doesn’t want to go somewhere, like full on laying down in the road...has been known to throw things, is so unbelievably strong when she doesn’t want to be dressed or have her nappy changed and asks me things constantly! She is a delight in many, many ways but is so exhausting. I am 30 weeks pregnant with number 2 and praying it doesn’t get worse when she turns 3! Nevertheless I am loving the toddler years at the same time as she does make me laugh so much and says and does things all the time that surprise me!

Hope it gets easier soon for you x

Loving all these replies, thank you. It's interesting how different they all are!

DS was ~2.5 when DD was born. I do wonder if that has played a part, but be mostly loves his sister to be honest.
As a PP mentioned he is very articulate and likes to argue with me which is incredibly annoying and threats often have zero impact as he'll just say he doesn't care!

I'm interested in seeing how DD turns out as she's got bags of personality already and is already doggedly determined at 10 months old.