To hate Christmas present wish lists

[AquaFaba]

Yes; they are helpful when buying gifts for children.
But I really resent adult members of the family sending over wish lists of gifts. It just feels so ....grabby.
I can’t help but feel it just reduces Christmas down to one long shopping fest; totally strips out the element of festive bonhomie.

I wasn’t brought up this way; perhaps I’m in the minority.
Do other families send out wish lists for gifts? Not just for children, but adults too.

[bookmum08]

"what would you like for Christmas" is a perfectly normal question in my family. A few suggestions are given, not all suggestions are bought. A few surprises are bought as well. Twice a year (Christmas and birthday) gifts are given so why shouldn't it be something specific that the person wants? I wouldn't get some of the items I love in my life otherwise.

[AquaFaba]

I agree...suggestions are really helpful, but a list feels more definite

[FelixFelicis6]

Yes it’s normal, often requested by present giver so you buy a present someone actually wants rather than unwanted tat. It’s not grabby done for those reasons. I often end up throwing away presents I won’t use other wise, same for everyone else.

[5foot5]

I think that it is normal to ask what someone would like. I think it is daft to then give the whole list to each person who asks as you might get duplications.

Each year I ask (adult) DD for a list and then when other family ask me what they can get her I suggest one of the items off this list (suitably chosen so as not to sound too grabby) Then we usually get her the bigger items or anything that's left

[meredithgrey1]

I sort of agree. FIL and BIL both do a list, which is given to MIL, who then gives each family member an item off the list to buy. All it does is mean that family members ask MIL "what would x like for Christmas" rather than just asking the person directly, I don't know why FIL/BIL can't just tell people themselves.

(MIL does not have a list that she gives FIL to sort, she just answers when you ask her what she wants.)

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

I know what you mean OP. Ive got relatives who send over an unsolicited amazon wish list or similar. Its too definitive, and very different from a giver casually asking if there's anything someone particularly wants or needs

[AquaFaba]

Yes, this was an unsolicited gift list from BIL consisting of 17 items. It has now prompted SIL to send over her list too.

[Redglitter]

God I'd love if my brother & sil sent a gift list. I'm always stuck for what to buy them.

[Gabrielknight]

All our family have amazon wish lists. With ideas on not just actual items. We keep them up to date with things we like. Saves on receiving things I don't want!

[Onthetrain75]

We gave up on lists after my sister and I decided it was more like being sent an order form, especially from various the nieces and nephews (brother’s kids). Now we all ask for more general things e.g anything at all from White Company/Montezuma etc. or a complete surprise. I think it gives the giver more scope but we know they’ll be on the right track. And no novelty gifts!

[wendz86]

I much prefer it. We all do it in my family. Much prefer buying something someone wants than guessing.

[biscuitbadger]

We all do Amazon lists. And I'm torn - my family aren't great at choosing me things I like, and I love receiving things I actually want. It makes Christmas shopping really easy, especially for in laws we don't know well. But... I feel like it takes the joy out of the whole thing somehow.

One of my relatives sends a list every year, unsolicited, with a message saying it is ordered by how much they want each item, which I find a bit off.

[DappledThings]

I never have any good ideas about what to get people and even if I do think of something never have any confidence in it.

Lists are a godsend.

[StarlingsInSummer]

I get what you’re saying, but I quite like it. If I genuinely have no idea what to get say my sister in law, I’d rather she said what she wanted, than I bought her something she hated. Present giving is all about the recipient, for me. I want to give something they want.

[LadyMonicaBaddingham]

My SIL sends round a birthday and Christmas list. One of the reasons DH and I now buy for children only...

[Leighhalfpennysthigh]

Yep. My family and I all don this. We have a secret Santa thing and so only buy each other one good present from a list full r my siblings, dad and I. Within our house we do something similar so that's dad, my mother in law, nephew and me. We all buy the dogs presents. Wish lists are essential because we are all difficult to buy for and we love each other enough to make an effort.

Christmas isn't just for children. It is a time of year for everyone. It's actually really miserable to consider it just for children.

[Beautiful3]

I much more prefer to know what the children like. Otherwise they end up with plastic crap that gets opened then charity shopped.

[Fatted]

I like them.

I'd sooner know that my money went on something that was actually wanted rather than foisting my unwanted tat on people.

[Tobebythesea]

I get what you are saying but they do save stress, time, energy and waste. I have refused to get my DH gifts this year until he gives he a list of some ideas. I don’t want to waste money and effort on things he’s not going to use. He’s difficult to buy for.

[ShinyRuby]

I can see both sides. I think it all depends what's on the list. Expensive requests do seem grabby & the spirit of Christmas gets well & truly lost.
However, a short list of affordable small items can be really useful & it is always preferable to get someone a gift they actually like & want to use.

[Tobebythesea]

I wish my MIL would do the same. It’s such a hassle.

[dontalltalkatonce]

YANBU

[Inertia]

Much prefer a wish list system, as long as everyone involved is in agreement with it (rather than sending out unsolicited requests).

We have multiple children to buy for in our family, and we have a secret santa for the adults. I'd much rather buy something that's genuinely wanted or needed than something generic, or something that I've guessed they might like, or random plastic tat.

[MandeLular]

We use wishlistr (kids & adults) and people put on a mixture of specific items and general ideas. No-one expects to get everything, and it's ok to buy other things too.

Suits me. Shopping is quicker and I know people are getting things they actually want so I'm not wasting my time or money.

[Whoops75]

YABU

I like lots of typical gift items but I’m particular about brands etc
I would definitely rather something I would use.