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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When do children ‘stop believing’?

73 replies

Bee1511 · 29/11/2019 07:08

In Father Christmas?

DS is 8 has autism and isn’t as mature as his peers so I can still see him believing for a few more years at least..

Also, if he found out he would probably blab to DD who is only just 4..

Some of his peers seemed to have stopped believing already!

What’s the typical age?

I was discussing this with OH. He said he ‘guessed’ at a young age as he had sneaked at all his presents. My mum was quite good at keeping going. I think I was about 10/11!

Also, how much does Santa bring in your house? Generally here the vast majority is from us. Santa brings a stocking and maybe one other gift. I don’t want Santa getting all the credit 🤣

OP posts:

Nquartz · 29/11/2019 10:25

DD asked if Santa was real aged 7, she said she thought it was the parents so we told her she was right.

She's still just as excited about Christmas but it's just different excited.

We're going to see Santa with our nephew who's only 3 so she's keeping the pretence up for him (and she wants the present!)

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 29/11/2019 10:29

5 or 6 in my experience. My own, their friends, nieces and nephews all stopped around that age. My just turned 6 nephew asked recently. My daughter asked at 5. Basically once they're at school they inevitably over hear older children's discussions so at best you get maybe one or two Christmases before they figure it out.

Wixi · 29/11/2019 12:21

My DD10 still believes, although now and again has doubts. I suspect this is our last year though.

danni0509 · 29/11/2019 12:29

Ds is 6, he has autism and LD he's only just 'getting' the Santa thing this year. (He's developmentally about 3 or 4)

We've got his Xmas fair after school today and he's asked if the sleigh will be on the school roof, he's fully expecting to see this at pick up time.

I just keep thinking about it and laughing to myself

I'm going to be in shit come 3pm and he looks and sees he's not actually parked up (!)

DilysMoon · 29/11/2019 12:32

Until Y6 here for Dc's1&2, Y6 still wanting to believe but questioning a lot. Dc3 is currently in Reception and so inquisitive that we'll be lucky to get through this year believing, I just don't think it'll wash with her

MutedUser · 29/11/2019 12:35

Age 7 or 8 I think older kids just go along with it for the parents and they don’t really believe

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 29/11/2019 12:47

DS questioned a little at 7 but def figured it out before his next Xmas aged 8.

merryhouse · 29/11/2019 13:53

@BillieEilish, the immaculate conception isn't when the angel came to Mary: that's the Annunciation which takes place on 25 March (they weren't daft, these early mediaeval types).

The immaculate conception is a fudge to explain why Mary is so brilliant: she herself was conceived without sin (specifically, without taint of Original Sin). It was first explicitly noted in the 12th century though the concept was around from about the fourth; Pius IX made it official RC doctrine in 1854.

Twooter · 29/11/2019 13:56

Last night’s I’m a celebrity was a good one to watch if you didn’t want to have the Santa conversation. My youngest went very quiet during the Santa discussion😟

merryhouse · 29/11/2019 14:00

I don't think I ever actually believed in Father Christmas. Certainly I knew he's a story by the time I went to school.

Not absolutely certain about my sons. Older one was in the middle of the Tooth Fairy stage when he said "I don't think the tooth fairy's real.... I think it's you" and at some point during KS2 he and a similarly-mathematically-minded friend worked out that the concept is unworkable, though I suspect they were pretty certain by then anyway.

Father Christmas was strictly stocking-presents only in our family... which led to me, several years on the trot, responding to the question "what did Father Christmas bring you?" with things like an orange, a toothbrush, a mars bar, some spangles and a weezy thing when what the questioner really needed to hear was a teaset, a box of fancy lego or a dolls' house

Runnerduck34 · 29/11/2019 14:04

I think most DC start to suspect from 7-8 , but aren't really ready to stop believing until around 10. If he doesn't know when he starts secondary school you need to have a chat, wouldn't worry before then. It is hard on younger siblings when the older DC don't believe and won't play along, keep the magic as long as possible

BooseysMom · 29/11/2019 14:09

Anyone can be Santa because it's in the kindness of giving. Knowing a random man doesn't come into your house/down the chimney doesn't ruin Christmas.

That really tickled me!! It's how you say it.

zukiecat · 29/11/2019 14:09

I believed up until age 10/11.

My children were around 11/12,

All presents came from Santa apart from obvious ones like grandparents, and friends.

I don't understand people who say Santa doesn't deserve all the credit, I've never felt the need for any credit for Christmas presents.

BillieEilish · 29/11/2019 14:15

merryhouse my point is there is something equally as unbelievable as FC going on here, on Friday and in the world, most of the time. But I know you get that.

Can you tell I'm not religious?

DD knows I will take over stocking when she stops believing, FC simply doesn't come to non believers and it happens to everyone, but I will buy her things she WANTS rather than 'toys/jokey things/sweets/FC things.' FC doesn't come to children over 12, so this is really her last year.

Ponoka7 · 29/11/2019 14:27

My Autistic DD was around 5, because she asked a lot of questions about everything and Santa didn't fit in anywhere. Lying to her would start a lack of trust. Her six year old Sister had already stopped believing.

Usually it's around 5-7, wherever I've lived.

I do think it's down to the thinking of the individual child. This isn't linked to intelligence, just how much they think things out and if they're exposed to current affairs etc.

My nearly five year old GD has got the concept of monsters, being for fun and not real. So we are going with the concept idea, when she starts to question it. I wasn't from a UK background and it wasn't traditional to do FC. So didn't big up Father Christmas to my children. We don't do stockings either, as it wasn't traditional to my heritage.

Ponoka7 · 29/11/2019 14:30

@zukiecat, it isn't just the credit. How do you explain to your children why they got so little and their friends more? Or when Dad/GPs, rock up with presents and all yours are from FC?

littlepeas · 29/11/2019 14:32

So far two of mine were 10 (there is only a year between them - had pretty much the same conversation with each of them a year apart) - littlest one, who is 8, still believes.

When asked if FC is real, I asked them what they thought and responded accordingly (both said no, so I confessed - if they'd said yes, I would have dragged it out for a bit longer). They are under strict instructions not to spoil for their little brother, or anyone else - I told them that once you know they secret it becomes your job to make it magical for others.

BarbedBloom · 29/11/2019 14:43

I was 7 and set a trap for my mum. My nephew is 9 and I suspect he has guessed as he keeps asking me and i tell him to ask his parents. I think if I had a child then I wouldn't lie once they started asking seriously. One kid at school still believed when he started secondary and they teased him about that till sixth form.

BarbedBloom · 29/11/2019 14:44

Oh and only stockings from Santa

BlastEndedSkrewt · 29/11/2019 14:47

DSS is 13 & tries to convince us he still believes as he thinks it'll be extra presents

Tminus3days · 29/11/2019 15:17

Is it bad to say I really hope DD stops believing next year? We think she still believes this year, well she's writing a letter to FC anyway. I'm just grouchy mcgrouch face this year when it comes to christmas and really can't be bothered. Bah humbug!

zukiecat · 29/11/2019 15:26

Ponoka

I always said that Santa only had room on his sleigh for some things.

My girls never asked for anything huge anyway or anything that was out of my budget, it was always dolls, cuddly toys and books.

Never had any issues, even as teenagers they never asked for anything much.

I'm Pagan so Yule is important and not Christmas, but when the girls were little I always made an effort. Only one adult DD lives with me now and we just buy each other small things, for us Yule and Christmas is just about enjoying the season, attending a ritual for me and the 25th for DD. Just enjoying being together and eating the food that we like

Tminus3days · 29/11/2019 15:28

Oops I forgot to say she's currently 8

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