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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When do children ‘stop believing’?

73 replies

Bee1511 · 29/11/2019 07:08

In Father Christmas?

DS is 8 has autism and isn’t as mature as his peers so I can still see him believing for a few more years at least..

Also, if he found out he would probably blab to DD who is only just 4..

Some of his peers seemed to have stopped believing already!

What’s the typical age?

I was discussing this with OH. He said he ‘guessed’ at a young age as he had sneaked at all his presents. My mum was quite good at keeping going. I think I was about 10/11!

Also, how much does Santa bring in your house? Generally here the vast majority is from us. Santa brings a stocking and maybe one other gift. I don’t want Santa getting all the credit 🤣

OP posts:

Backstabbath · 29/11/2019 08:32

You never have to tell a child there is no Santa.
They will figure it out themselves eventually when they are ready.
It's just a slow process of believing and even when they stop believing the magic of Christmas and putting carrots and milk out can continue.

WaterSheep · 29/11/2019 08:32

My dd is in year 6 and believes so do the rest of her year

They may say that, but at that age I guarantee the majority of them know the truth.

ShowOfHands · 29/11/2019 08:34

There is a real belief on MN that children believing post 6 or 7 hints at some sort of laughable naivete.

If you are reading this and your y7 child believes, PLEASE don't accept the official MN party line that they will be bullied. Some 11yos believe and if they are bullied, it's the fault of the bully alone. I know a few who believe in secondary school, including my autistic niece. She is NOT bullied by her friends and peers, none of them are.

Honeybee85 · 29/11/2019 08:35

I think I stopped believing at the age of 7 or 8 years old.

Elodie2019 · 29/11/2019 08:44

DC are teens and we still go through the rigmarole of putting out mince pies/stockings. It's fun!

JaceLancs · 29/11/2019 08:48

My DC were 7 or 8 when they stopped believing but even before then they knew some presents came from me n other family members
I found out aged 4 when the man playing Father Christmas at my infant school Xmas party was my Dad! It didn’t spoil the magic - I adored him he died recently aged 93 and the red velvet robe hood and fur trimmed cape were in his attic
It’s currently part of the window display in my local charity shop 😊

LolaSmiles · 29/11/2019 08:48

I’ve had a text from dd at university to remind me that she still believes
That's brilliant.
Our upper school students love santa and will put anyone who says he isn't real in their place.

That's why I don't understand the thing on MN where people act like the magic of Christmas is ruined for their child if they realise that a santa isn't real, or are convinced their child fully believes until 11 and then worry about how they're going to break the news to them before secondary etc. Most children don't believe until that age and if they do and the big reveal is going to be upsetting for a NT child then I have to wonder why the parents put over a decade into one big lie to that level

doritosdip · 29/11/2019 08:52

It's socially acceptable to believe until y6 but based on my kids (who knew at 6/7) I'd say that the average is 8ish

BillieEilish · 29/11/2019 08:54

WaterSheep

Grottos, father Christmas visiting schools, nobody believes in that past around 4/5, obviously, you see it's your teacher, a fake beard etc

But many, many DC's in years 6 and 7 still do believe in Father Christmas himself coming on Christmas Eve and I don't see why you don't believe that!

All DD's stocking presents are of a totally different type, wrapped in different hidden paper. She swears she heard him walk down the corridor last year. She totally believes, if someone else doesn't, that's up to them. People believe in God, people believe in all sorts of religions/ideals that seem unlikely.

We are celebrating the immaculate conception in Spain next week... a VERY serious business.

I'm a teacher and those that don't believe don't and say so, those that do, say so too. It isn't malicious, they all get on fine.

WaterSheep · 29/11/2019 08:58

I don't see why you don't believe that!

Of course older children still believe. I just don't believe the previous poster who said that her daughter's entire year 6 cohort believe.

My dd is in year 6 and believes so do the rest of her year

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 29/11/2019 09:00

I'd say about 8?

doritosdip · 29/11/2019 09:01

I doubt that a whole y6 class would believe unless we are talking about a SN school. I'd be very surprised if it was 30% of the class.

Original poster

Bee1511 · 29/11/2019 09:03

Thanks all. DS is a little immature for his age too so I’m hoping he’ll believe for another year or two yet. He had little to no understanding of Christmas until he was 5 or 6 due to having autism so hoping to keep the magic alive for a year or two yet. He does still truly believe too. I don’t think he doubts it at all.

My mum had to tell me 🤨 to be fair my mum was a bit keen on the whole Father Christmas. All the presents were hidden at my grans in a locked away room (she had 4 spare bedrooms so plenty of space). She made sure she used different wrapping papers, different writing style 🤣 I feel silly for still believing until I was in year 6 though! Mum told before I went to secondary schools so I wasn’t bullied for believing 😭

OP posts:

IdblowJonSnow · 29/11/2019 09:03

My older dd was about 7 and very cross that we had 'tried to trick her'!!!
Younger dd almost 6, I hope she'll believe for another 2 xmases at least but definitely feel on borrowed time.

ReallyLoveChickens · 29/11/2019 09:04

My children are 6 and 9 and still believe. The 9 year old is starting to question things though.

SeaBear11 · 29/11/2019 09:06

I find these responses really surprising. I have no memory of ever actually believing in Santa, I definitely wouldn’t have truly believed beyond 5. It’s normal to play along though, it’s in a child’s best interests and it’s a lovely thing. Slowly the imagination and reality unwind, that’s normal but it doesn’t have to be declared as some big revelation.

reluctantbrit · 29/11/2019 09:07

DD was 8 when there was a huge wobble in believing as some classmates with older siblings talked about it. We managed one more year and as she was then in so much doubt we came clean.

In Y6 I would say no one is really believing and just goes along for the sake of the younger children in school or at home.

Saying that, DD still writes her letter (she is 12 now) and puts food/drink out and will happily tell everyone that she gets presents from Santa. This is how I grew up and my mum and I will play along like that each year.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 29/11/2019 09:09

DD (9) has never believed.

BillieEilish · 29/11/2019 09:09

Fair enough WaterSheep

I love the emphasis given to 'critical thinking' and they must be a bit thick to believe past 8/9 and that the clever ones have all worked it out at 5.

We ram all sorts of ridiculous concepts down them, as I said here we are all having the day off on Friday to celebrate Mary getting pregnant miraculously a couple of weeks before giving birth.

If they are all taught to celebrate this and parade about it and worship it in church, why is it such a stretch to believe in FC?

Life after death seems unlikely to me too but I accept that others believe in that, it could also be true.

MaybeTomorrowMaybeNot · 29/11/2019 09:23

There's no right or wrong answer, OP. I was five (can't remember why). My DD is nearly four and rejects the idea of Father Christmas. She's scared of men with beards and finds it far more comforting to believe that he's a made-up character, so I haven't pushed the whole "no, he's definitely real and coming in your house at night" thing because I'm worried she'd never sleep again!

Honestly, Mumsnet is weird on this one. There's a camp that says that your DC is only allowed to believe to an arbitrary cut-off set by Mumsnet and, after that, they're Thicky McThicky and you're a child abuser who wants to see them bullied. That's shitty. Then there's another camp that gets nasty if there's any suggestion of a child stopping believing before age 11. Because if your child stops believing early - or worse, you only ever introduce Father Christmas as a lovely story that many people believe in and your child can make up their own mind about - then you're obviously an evil joy-sucking witch and your poor precious babies have never known the magic and innocence of childhood. And they must also have been exposed to all kinds of horrors of modern living, like living in a crack-den.

I mean, seriously, a lot of people spend too much time judging. Everyone should do what works best for their own family.

TM1979 · 29/11/2019 09:44

My 6 year old is very skeptical, he’s the youngest of 4 here and I don’t think he ever really fell for any of it. Think it’s because the others are so much older. I don’t try and make him believe, Santa will come and he can make whatever he wants out of it himself. My other 3 weren’t believers past the age of 10. I think with the internet now it’s no wonder kids are finding out as young as 5 or 6. A quick google or a YouTube video would soon see to that.

Bluerussian · 29/11/2019 09:48

Seabear, I can't remember believing either but I do know my parents tried to make me. It just seemed too fake to be real. However I still found Christmas magical.

Boobiloobiloob, mine didn't believe either except for a very short while after starting school - came home and told us about Santa! On Christmas eve he tried to stay awake to see Santa come through the cat flap.

I think that Santa has become more popular in recent years for some reason. Twenty years ago you'd never have found a child over six believing. Now they seem to believe all sorts.

IVEgotthetinselBITCHES · 29/11/2019 09:55

Dc1 age 11 has doubts atleast
Dc2 age 10 doesnt believe at all
Dc3 age 6 has doubts
Dc4 age 3 is only just getting to know what santa is all about
Dc5 aged 11 weeks is oblivious

AdoptedBumpkin · 29/11/2019 10:12

My very intelligent cousin believed until he was at least 9. Ironically he's now very sceptical about everything.

Whattodoabout · 29/11/2019 10:15

My DS is almost ten and he still believes. I think this may be the final year which is sad. DDs are 7 and 8 and they haven’t even questioned it.

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