to feel that I have completely lost it....I just cant stop

[inspiration101]

becoming irrationally angry, I recognise that I do this every few months and want to stop, but I seem to have no control when the red mist appears and although I know im wrong I can be vile in arguing with people. I feel so bad and ashamed afterwards and the knowledge that I have done it again makes me feel physically ill.

How can I stop doing this? My parents both had short tempers and I hate that I have this trait too. Is there a treatment that I can access to stop this horrible behaviour?

Anger usually occurs when reality doesn't meet expectation and a person feels an inability to change that situation.
Maybe you feel unheard or not listened to and your expectation of life is not meeting the reality.

How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?

I always thought that anger stems from either feeling hurt or upset? Maybe you need to dig deep to see where it stems from? Have you tried reading any anger management books?

CBT.

I suffer from this. Mine was cyclical and linked to my hormones, also causing anxiety and stress. Is this the same for you? I take anti depressants now to help me regulate

My mum and dad were short tempered too. I've found counselling and yoga has helped loads. If I feel the anger I use the techniques to help me simmer down. I feel for you, Its so isolating and you just feel in a circle of despair!

If you’re able to it might be working seeking some sort of therapy to see if that might help.
In the short term, I know it’s easier said than done but try and remove yourself from the situation - walk away before you say something you regret. And counting to 10/20/30 can be helpful in catching your breath and regaining control

Worth taking a look in case this fits with you, it often goes undiagnosed.

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd/

Yes, I have PMDD and it sounds like this. I take antidepressants for a week per month and it’s transformed my life.

I was gonna say PMDD too. I take mike antidepressants and recently started a recommended pill for PMDD (I take eloine) which has been amazing!

anger can also be a fearful response. The person who you are attacking or putting down won't be aware you are coming from a fearful position, but it is kind of the worst way to be self-protective. But it is completely understandable. Or else it could be a misdirected anger at everyone and everything for feeling shortchanged in the world, but you have insight here.

Otherwise, it could be a physical cause, if this is new behaviour for you (though I am not sure, as you suggest your parents behaviours are now yours). Get yourself checked out. Low iron can cause extreme irritability and frustration as can a multitude of other testable causes.

Have you thought about EMDR?

Oh OP, I feel for you. Seek help from your GP and take advice on here. Life's too short for you to feel like this.

PMDD

I was a bit like this and now in retrospect I think it was multi factorial including some learned behaviour from my father! Now my life generally is less stressful and I feel i have more control over it I get a LOT less angry. Meditation did actually help short term though- I got in the habit and then I was much better at taking some deep breaths and slowing down the rage build up!

Some food sensitivities are hyperactivity and aggression which can manifest as anger. Try a food diary.

I would note that your reaction may be delayed by some days after intake rather than being fairly immediate and thus obvious. A diary will assist in pinpointing patterns.

Include your menstrual cycle, weather, locations you have visited (air fresheners and detergents etc). As you have already identified a pattern, it’s now a matter of time to identify your triggers. An allergy clinic or a dietitian may have a template or provide guidance. www.fedup.com.au/factsheets/blog

I’m very angry at the moment. I’ve been let down by a lot of people during a period of crisis. Anger is a normal response to certain situations , often when feeling a situation is out of your control. it’s how you deal with the anger and how you express it that counts. If you feel it’s out of control then consider getting support.

Anger is usually an emotional response to something else like sadness, pain and unfairness. If you can get to the root of it and deal with the primary emotion that should help OP.

if you have grown up with your parents doing this in reaction to everything could it be a learnt response to things that trigger you.

Is there one specific trigger you've been able to identify?

In the past I have been irrationally angry when I feel that some failing of mine, which doesn't suit the good image I have of myself, is about to be shown up by something in front of others.
Rather than admit to myself/them that I am a loser I get angry with something or someone.

Thank you for all your helpful replies. In in my forties and I had got better at controlling my temper over the years. However, this year I have been really unkind / verbally aggressive to people who I feel at the time are deserving of this treatment. However, a day later Im consumed with guilt as I know I behaved irrationally and in proportionately to the issue.

Onemorecupofcoffee.... I particularly resonate with your theory 'Anger usually occurs when reality doesn't meet expectation and a person feels an inability to change that situation'.

One thing for sure Im going to seek help this time. I cant continue to upset people and then go through weeks feeling shame and disgust at myself. I was feeling to embarrassed to discuss this with my GP but I will have to bite the bullet.....

I could have written this. My parents had tempers and I hate that I have one. I think a large part of it is working nights but I don’t have another option

I would bet peri-menopause is exacerbating your struggles.

RhinoskinhaveI I had not heard of EMDR but having just looked it up I think I may try this. I called the GP this morning to be told call back Monday as there are no appointments.

Sorry to hear others are affected by this awful affliction.