AIBU to feel manipulated?

[thatdamnwoman]

Minor thing really but it's left me feeling ridiculously annoyed. A friend of mine (she's 10 years younger than me) persuaded me to buy a £30 ticket for a charity event in which several people I vaguely know are performing. They are my friend's mates, not mine. I've met some of them but don't really know them. The performance is being held in a city 60 miles away so I said I'd drive us there and back.

When the tickets came through it was a surprise to see that the whole event would be over by 8.30pm. We'd both assumed it would be a full evening of entertainment. She has arranged to go for drinks and food afterwards with the friends who are performing and will get a lift home with someone else. I was slightly stung by the fact that I hadn't been asked to go for a drink afterwards but they are mates and they don't know me and I'm quite a lot older than some of them so why would they invite me?

Now I've been contacted by one of those who'll be performing, a woman I've only met in passing, who has asked me to run her grandmother back home after the event. The grandmother lives halfway between the city where the event is being held and my home town. Gran clearly hasn't been invited for drinks either. It'll involve a detour of maybe 15 miles. Five minutes after that first message my friend, the one who got me into this, called to say she was sure I wouldn't mind taking Gran home.

I often give people lifts so I'm not sure why I mind so much on this occasion – but I do. Perhaps it's the hint of ageism: I'm too old to be welcome to the celebratory drinks but I can chauffeur Gran around. I'm sure, by the way, that Gran and I will get on fine – but AIBU to feel that I'm really not being given a chance to say no?

[BeUpStanding]

Cancel and consider it a donation to charity. Not inviting you to drinks afterwards is downright rude. Not your problem how your 'friend' gets there and random person's granny get home.

[LMG101]

Wow. If someone did that to me I would be really hurt - exclude you from the drinks and then get you to run someone home? I agree with whoever said just let them have the £30 and don't go - you will spend even more money if you do go anyway and you probably won't have a good time knowing what has gone on. One thing I would say - in an ideal world it would be good to speak to this person and explain that you would have liked to have been invited to the drinks afterwards and find out what their thoughts are. At least then you have been the grown up and communicated. Otherwise they will never know what you are really thinking.

[thatdamnwoman]

I might have gone for drinks with them, but as I was driving I couldn't drink – and actually, some of the younger ones in the group are a bit loud and lairy for my taste. But it would have been better to be invited so that I could decline rather than being set up as Gran's taxi without consultation.

I think the big thing is the fact that no one, not even those performing, seems to have been aware that this music-and-dance-extravaganza would have us out on the street at 8.30pm on a Saturday night. That threw a grenade into everyone's plans.

[LMG101]

@thatdamnwoman exactly, it's nice to be asked, even if you weren't intending to go - I would try to speak to them in a calm and friendly way - ultimately if you are friends it should be fine to say you would have liked to have been asked, not to score points but just so that they understand it has upset you - you can make a joke about it and say 8.30pm on a Saturday night is a suitable bed time for a 7 year old! And even they would probably kick off at going home that early!

[Ponoka7]

I agree that you've been somewhat set up.

"some of the younger ones in the group are a bit loud and lairy for my taste."
However, I think you and Gran might change the dynamics of the night and that, rather than ageism is what's behind the non invite.

There might be a bit of behaviour that your friend doesn't want you to see.

[thatdamnwoman]

Yeah, fair dos. I do like a good night out with interesting conversation and laughter and I like to go dancing (I was an eighties clubber) but I've never been one for hours of pissed cliquey banter. So they made an accurate call, really. It's just that I wasn't given a choice.

[AllYouGoodGoodPeople]

Can you take Gran out on the piss?

[Subzerohero]

They are taking the piss, don’t allow yourself to be a doormat. You deserve so much more

[dontalltalkatonce]

Well done bowing out! I'd be fucked off being used like that and not go. Lesson learned.

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

It was sold to you as a big night out in the city with your friend. That's a whole night, not just two hours and off you trot whilst she continues with her fun evening.
Its not that it might have been an accurate call or that no one knew it would end early ( they are only in the production - surely they must have guessed it wouldn't go on for longer than two hours).
It boils down to when they discovered that it ended at 8.30 they made plans and left you out. And then your friend volunteered you to drive someone else they'd left out. CFery whatever the excuses

[Countryescape]

Why shouldn’t you take Gran? Because you are being treated like a doormat. Ditch them. So sad something has come up!!