AIBU to feel manipulated?

[thatdamnwoman]

Minor thing really but it's left me feeling ridiculously annoyed. A friend of mine (she's 10 years younger than me) persuaded me to buy a £30 ticket for a charity event in which several people I vaguely know are performing. They are my friend's mates, not mine. I've met some of them but don't really know them. The performance is being held in a city 60 miles away so I said I'd drive us there and back.

When the tickets came through it was a surprise to see that the whole event would be over by 8.30pm. We'd both assumed it would be a full evening of entertainment. She has arranged to go for drinks and food afterwards with the friends who are performing and will get a lift home with someone else. I was slightly stung by the fact that I hadn't been asked to go for a drink afterwards but they are mates and they don't know me and I'm quite a lot older than some of them so why would they invite me?

Now I've been contacted by one of those who'll be performing, a woman I've only met in passing, who has asked me to run her grandmother back home after the event. The grandmother lives halfway between the city where the event is being held and my home town. Gran clearly hasn't been invited for drinks either. It'll involve a detour of maybe 15 miles. Five minutes after that first message my friend, the one who got me into this, called to say she was sure I wouldn't mind taking Gran home.

I often give people lifts so I'm not sure why I mind so much on this occasion – but I do. Perhaps it's the hint of ageism: I'm too old to be welcome to the celebratory drinks but I can chauffeur Gran around. I'm sure, by the way, that Gran and I will get on fine – but AIBU to feel that I'm really not being given a chance to say no?

You're all right, I need to cut my losses and annoyance and announce that unfortunately, something's come up and i can't make it. Sorry, Gran.

Don't make an excuse. Say you're happy to make the donation for the ticket, but being left out afterwards and being treated like the chauffeur rankles. Let your friend know you'll be nobody's mug any more. Imagine all of us mumsnetters standing behind you, backing you up.

Well done. They made you pay £30 for the privilege of being left out and giving a stranger a lift home. They're despicable.

You have been well and truly stitched up. Some so called friend this is.

I have friends who are 30 years older than me and wouldn't dream of doing that!

Screw that.
Honestly I would lie and say you’ve been invited out for dinner/drinks/party/bowling etc and it will be ‘more fun’ than going to this rubbish.
I think sitting at home would be more fun than acting as a chauffeur.
You’re driving Gran home to facilitate someone else going to the fun bit you’ve been excluded from - do not do this!!

Don’t bother going, you did your charitable gesture already by buying a ticket to an event you are not particularly interested in so you’ve supported the artists. Grandma can get an Uber. Your £30 can go towards that!

Fuck that shit. I would bail. It’s not your concern how the gran of someone you don’t know gets home from their reply’s am dram performance. Enjoy spending your evening doing something more fun!

Wow, this was their plan all along! Outrageous

Can you ask your friend why you haven’t been invited out afterwards?

I think Towel has it right, also if you don't take Gran home maybe she'll be allowed to go for drinks instead of being shepparded off to a stranger. Don't go. Win win

I definitely tell the friend that whilst you were happy to spend £30 and drive 60miles for a night our with a friend you aren’t happy to Sri e all that way for a couple of hours and then go home whilst your friend goes out socialising. Now the plan has changed it no longer appeals to you and so you’ve decided to stay home. If you don’t tell her the truth she won’t know how you are feeling and may do this again.

I'm with Justmuddlingalong

Tell the truth! let your friend feel ashamed of her behaviour towards you.

‘Sorry, can’t make it after all but, of course, since it is for charity, keep the 30 quid’.

Other people’s transport becomes other people’s problems.

They're taking liberties. It is rude not to invite you to join them afterwards.

I suggest the grand daughter gets her grand mother home safely and you go and do something more enjoyable.

Can you sell on your ticket? That way the charity still gets their money, you get at least some of your £30 back and someone else sees the show rather than leaving an empty seat.

This is piss poor behaviour. How horrible to invite you for only a portion of the night Do not dream of going. Your so-called friend can get herself there with her performing friends. She should not be offering up your taxi services. A fifteen mile detour is not insignificant either.

It's a shame about the thirty quid but at least it's for charity. I would really cool that friendship off.

Your friend probably only asked you in the first place so that you can drive her to the event.
She's a CF!
As a pp has already said, a ten year age gap is irrelevant when you're all adult.
In your shoes, I'd totally drop your 'friend'.

This is sooo rude. I agree you should drop out and tell your non-friend why.

You’re being used.
Given that the event is so far away and only for a few minutes , you’d be better off not going .
As to this Gran... well, her grandchild can sort it out. Absolutely not your problem.
I feel sorry that youve felt used .

Be honest and tell her exactly why you arent coming anymore, your friend needs to know how hurtful using you for nothing more than a taxi service is! Whatever you do dont lie about it.

Just wanted to say that while it may seem that way I don't think I've been deliberately stitched up and I've just had a couple of guilty texts from my friend who I think is acutely aware of how it looks. She's said that she'll drive us up there and bring Gran back, which will make it much easier for me to cry off.

...or she’s on Mumsnet...

Bloody hell stay in with Netflix and a bottle of wine. Tell her she won't need to drive you as you've changed your mind. That's allowed. Toast yourself at 8pm as you are cosy and happy relaxing at home and they, are not.

The gran is not the issue imo! It's the cf friend who only invited you because she wants a lift there, she probably already knew she'd be out afterward and you wouldn't be invited but needed a way to get there in a warm car so she could enjoy drinks afterward! Deffo don't go. And don't feel bad about gran! Absolute cheeky buggers.

No, she was genuinely as pissed off as I was to find that our big Saturday night out in the city started at 6pm and finished at 8.30pm! I volunteered to drive because she'd driven us the last time we went out on a Saturday night and it was her turn to have a drink.

There's an element of CFery in here somewhere, but I don't think I've been deliberately set up. I do, though, think there's ageism involved. Gran and I are the oldest two involved and I think it was just assumed that I'd be happy to take on the role of carer. My friend has spotted this and is trying to correct it.