Not telling friend about their dream job advert?

[tequilasunrises]

OK so not me but a friend of mine (A) is really cross. A mutual friend (B) applied for a job within our (really really massive organisation) and got it. A is angry because it’s her dream location and job, but she didn’t see the advert or know that B was applying for anything.

She thinks that B should have told her about the job because they are close friends and B knows it’s her dream and she could have applied too. A thinks B has been snakey.

I said that if I was B I probably wouldn’t have told her either because it would increase the competition. A now thinks I’m a bit of a cow too.

So was B unreasonable?

@Oblomov19 you can, but most are advertised for at least 2 weeks. She basically couldn't be bothered to keep an eye out, and is now upset that it wasn't handed to her on a plate. There's no guarantee she would have got it anyway, so not sure why she is getting so annoyed about it.

Depends. If they are both in the same field ie it was a dream job for both of them, then tough shit, A. B doesn't owe her advancement at B's own expense. B would only have been being a bit sneaky if she knew A was better qualified for the job and that was why she didn't share the news. Even then, TBH, there are limits on how much anyone should be expected to sacrifice for 'friendship.'

In general, though, if you work in a very competitive industry with few opportunities, it's not really sustainable to be friends with people doing the same thing, at the same level. Because there's always going to be the opportunity for jealousy/missed opportunities/resentment.

Fine to tell friend if you’re not going for it, but it must be what B wants otherwise she wouldn’t be applying

What if you met a bloke you fancied, but knew he was also exactly the kind of man your friend was looking for? Would you be obliged to introduce them?

If it was the other way around, would A have told B?

@CountFosco

How did she not see it? Our HR dept sends out weekly emails listing the jobs on our site and the jobs across the globe are easily found on the website. If A and B work for the same company in similar enough jobs that B can be given A's ' dream job' then A is just being silly. What would she have done if she'd seen the advert and applied and B had still got the job? I dread to think of the tantrum then. Or would she expect B to flunk the interview so A could get the job?

Yep this. ^

'A' sounds rather bratty and entitled. I can imagine her stamping her feet with rage at 'B' not telling her about the job. (Even though 'A' had the same opportunity to see, and apply for the job.)

'A' sounds like a 'friend' that 'B' could well do without in her life.

As a number of posters have said, it's not 'B's place to tell 'A' about the job, especially if she (B) wanted it too!

As a pp said, 'you snooze, you lose.' Some people just want everything handing to them on a plate, and sulk and throw their toys out of the pram if people don't kiss their butt and make their wants and needs top priority.

B is a bit of a dick if she knew A really wanted it and didn't tell her on purpose so that she had a better shot.
However it is not B's responsibility to job hunt for A.

And by "a bit of a dick" I mean in terms of them being friends. She was a dick to a friend, but not a dick to her colleague, if that makes sense!

B is under no obligation to provide job searches to A.

A is BU I suspect A wouldn't have told B if their positions had been reversed.

Unless B went so far as to hide the job advert from A then B is not being unreasonable. A needs to look out for job opportunities for themself.

B is NBU. I learned this from experience. At the end of a course we were all looking for similar jobs. I had applied for a couple of jobs including one I thought might be particularly nice (don't like to give details although it was literally decades ago). A "friend" from the course phoned me ostensibly for a catch up and asked how my job search was going, so stupidly I told her. She said "Oh lovely, I'll apply too". Certainly learned my lesson there!

A should be mad at themselves for not keeping an eye out for their dream job! B was smart!

If my dream job came up and I knew it was also the dream job of someone I counted as a close friend (godmother to my kids, Christmas dinner invite, held each other’s hair back in toilets in dubiously names bars back in the day) I would tell her. If I wasn’t prepared to tell her, it would be because I was prepared to lose the friend.

how close is close? irrespective of the different viewpoints I think it is clear they won't be friends ever again unless the friendship was very casual so don't think it really matters.

Absolutely agree!!! Maybe B thinks A should have got off her bum and done a proper job search.... 👍🏻