If you work in an industry where a word from someone like Pemsel can have you professionally stunted - all the more reason to walk away from the get go. The guy is telling you, in writing, that he is not honourable or decent. If a bad word from him can do you harm, why play with fire? I’d say the same of a woman at the top of her industry. I’ve known one such woman who was excellent at her job: respected internationally, absolute leader in her field, fiercely intelligent. But also fickle, sour, unreliable. You played with fire if you wanted to use her to get ahead. If she happened to be in a bad mood when your work happened to be less than stellar one day, that was it. No second chances, and you’d be done for. It’s a high stakes game with people like this, is my point. 99% of people know this when they go into it. Very few of those 99% come out winners.
I absolutely agree with you on not knowing how to say no. Too many women feel the need to please, don’t want to upset anyone, run faster than their male counterparts, invest emotionally. It’s so very wrong, but so difficult to undo. My daughter is being taught at home and at school to be firm, assertive, stand up for herself. When things get really bad, she does say no. But it kills me how many times in any given day she just gives in (to her sibling, to a friend, whoever) for an easy life. I point it out to her, but she just says “it’s not worth it”. She doesn’t realize that a lifetime of this just wears you down. My DH says a lifetime of fighting each instance and conflict would also wear her down, given her innate propensity for calm and peaceful living. Neither of us are wrong.