To think David Pemsel's accuser was leading him on?

[caperberries]

Not sure if there's a thread about this already, but the Premier League boss David Pemsel (in his fifties) has been harassing a former colleague in her twenties with flirtatious texts. My first reaction was ew, but looking at the texts, I really think she was encouraging him.

www.thesun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/CM-COMPOSITE-PHONE-P5.jpg

www.thesun.co.uk/news/10438420/premier-league-david-pemsel-texts/

Nope you are reading it wrong ...why do you think that could be. Why start a thread an attempt to victim blame and flame ?

On the basis of the information available, no I don't think she was leading him on.

I think she was scared what might happen because he was a very senior person in her industry. So she is trying to put him off as politely as she can without making him angry.

It's easy to say 'Oh she should just have told him to get lost' but what might have happened if she had? He might have got her sacked, or made her life difficult in low level ways. That sort of thing can be very difficult to prove, so it's not like she could be sure that she could just run to HR and complain if that was the outcome. Even if HR are supportive, who wants the hassle and stress of that?

It was a very difficult situation for her to be in and I feel sorry for her that she had to go through it.

Fair enough, seems a pretty unanimous response. Now feeling rather guilty about my interpretation of her texts. Thanks all

What? Of course she wasn't she was very clearly telling him no. There's a clear power differential there so he shouldn't have been even broaching it.

Ahh X post sorry OP. Much respect for changing your mind!

She was doing her best to shut him down without jeopardising her career.

Victim blaming because she used xx as punctuation??? FFS.

Doesn’t it make you stop and think, the fact that he kept sending such messages, knowing he was creating documentary evidence of what he was doing... but he was so sure of himself that he did not care. Because he knew he would almost certainly face no consequences.

That’s what I take from this story. So arrogant, so entitled, these men.

Males you wonder if it’s a good idea to use x as punctuation. I don’t see why anyone does this. Do men use x in their texts to bosses? If so, why? Ask yourselves why we as women so often feel the need to write in a „cutesy“/ „nice“ way?

Sorry, „makes you wonder“— typo.

She was doing her best to shut him down without jeopardising her career

Absolutely. Yet another thing women have to think about - not only do you deal with being sexually harassed, you have to wonder about the damage to your career by being the victim of harrassment.

Fair play to you OP for taking the comments so gracefully.

@caperberries

Is that you, David?

Eww I hadn't heard about this. Hope his wife takes him to the cleaners. I assume you've never had your reputation/career/life threatened when you reject a nan, OP? lucky you. The kisses were self preservation. Fucm off with your victim blaming

@caperberries I was so angered by the thread I didn't read your response....I hope you've learned something.

I’m glad you have changed your mind OP.

We are so strongly socialised to view women as “asking for it”

Work v Real Life. Don't confuse the two.

fucking link to The Sun - now I need a bath

anyway YABU - glad you realised - now stop reading shitty papers

🤷‍♀️ Ain’t that the way of the world. It’s men and women.

What? That is such a strange and sad attitude. First of all, most men aren't like that and secondly if something is wrong you can say it's wrong and demand change. How did women get the right to vote and any number of other positive changes? It certainly wasn't achieved through shrugging shoulders. Men should behave decently. They can behave decently and it's a perfectly normal expectation to have of men.

What grown woman still puts xxx after their messages. To their married boss?

Misspiggy what do you actually mean when you question why she puts two kisses there though? I never put kisses on messages to colleagues but I know that other people do. Are you saying that she asked for it? Look at her actual words. She is saying no. Also, he's married. Focus on him. He is doing something WRONG. Why make her responsible for his bad behaviour?

I wouldn't want to victim blame in anyway - I don't think she led him on - but she could have handled it differently.

She responded to most of his texts within 2 minutes (of the samples shown here) including those that were out of hours in the evenings. And she sounds like she was agreeing to meet him (dressed up for a dinner ?!?) and to have a discussion about their relationship even though she says she wont be changing her mind. She is presumably quite young and there is a power imbalance but most young women would know how to ignore texts and wouldn't agree to go out for dinner with someone they knew was going to be pressuring them to sleep with them if thats what she appeared to be doing. This man clearly wasn't going to want anything other than sex - he wasn't interested in helping her career.

That doesn't detract from the fact that no woman should have to face such harrassment.

What grown woman still puts xxx after their messages. To their married boss?

It seems to simply be a way of signing of with young people in particular. Their version of a ‘yours faithfully’ and usually indicates that they want to end the conversation. I’ve noticed it an awful lot in recent years and was initially surprised when my clients would do it. It really is considered normal amongst younger people and in no way flirty.

*off

I’ve just started a thread about Mumsnet becoming less feminist, if anyone’s interested. In AIBU.

And isn’t is funny that all the stories about this have been taken down online?!

She couldn’t have been more clear in your view. She was between a rock and a hard place, or a job and a lechy old manager. What could she do but try to fend off advances without ruining her career? The arrogance of some men In thinking they are irresistible is quite astounding.