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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Could do with some advice about my friend please..............

35 replies

flumpybumpy · 21/08/2007 17:28

Whe I had DD my friend very kindly gave me loads of clothes that her DD had grown out of and she has continued doing so for teh last 4 years. I am very greatful to her and always buy her a nice pressie at Christmas (we don't usually do presents) as a thank you.

She always said anything I didn't want or when i was finished them to give to the charity shop as she didn't want them back, so I have. I gave a few to friend who has had money troubles so was grateful for the clothes and the rest to the charity shoop. I told my friend when i had done this and she was fine about it.

She has now, out of the blue, decided to start trying for another baby and has asked for ALL the clothes back. I sorted out everything I had left including stuff I had bought and gave her three large sacks of clothes. She has now got the hump and said they are the clothes she gave me and wants all of her stuff back. I explained that I gave it wawy like she said and had told her about it. I apologised that I didn't have it all but that I would happlily let her have all I had.

She is now not responding to my emails or texts and won't return my calls.

AIBU???

FB x

OP posts:
TheQueenOfQuotes · 21/08/2007 17:30

YANBU

RubySlippers · 21/08/2007 17:31

no YANBU
she told you to give them away so there is no point her having a hissy fit
is there more to it?

Saturn74 · 21/08/2007 17:38

How can she expect to get the same clothes back when she told you to give them to charity?

3sEnough · 21/08/2007 17:41

Is there a mutual friend who can talk to her about it? She seems to be being totally unreasonable (and everso slightly mad too!)

Original poster
flumpybumpy · 21/08/2007 17:44

I think she thought I only gave what I didn't like away. She has a very selective memory and accused me of giving away a baby bath that I had never even had!

I do have some of her stuff left and have given it back to her. I only gave her all my other stuff as I will not be having more DC's so won't be needing it.

She seems to have convneiently forgotton that I told her I had got rid of loads of stuff and is making me feel bad for something she told me to do.

It is such a stupid thing to fall out over and I can't believe she is being so moody.

OP posts:
LoveAngel · 21/08/2007 17:44

YANBU. Your friend is being highly unreasonable. FGS, why does she want twice used 4 yr old clothes back anyway? And won't she be benefiting from YOUR child's handmedowns this time, anyway?

NAB3 · 21/08/2007 17:46

She is in the wrong but she is pg. DOes things to your brain. Maybe she is skint and needs the clothes back? Either way it is done now.

callmeovercautious · 21/08/2007 17:47

This happenned to a friend of mine too. A mutual friend gave her 2 big bags of stuff then months later asked for it back. When she gave back what she had got the "giver" moaned to everyone that they were worn out/stained etc - what did she expect? They had been worn by 2 babies!

Dior · 21/08/2007 17:51

Message withdrawn

Idreamofdaleks · 21/08/2007 17:52

Yanbu
Maybe she will have a boy, who knows?

Original poster
flumpybumpy · 21/08/2007 17:53

NAB3, she isn't actually PG yet as her DH hasn't agreed to another baby yet. She is hoping it happens 'by accident' so he has to deal with it!

Although I don't agree with her decision I have supported her and kept my opinions to myself. I have offered her loads of other stuff like car seats and cot etc... as she got rid of all her stuff.

I feel that she is being very unfair.

OP posts:
Isababel · 21/08/2007 17:55

I really don't understand this territoriality towards baby items. I really don't. If you are attached to them don't lend them or give them to friends. Just keep them. I would feel a bit ashamed to claim back hand me downs, first because is not nice, second, because considering all what they have to take they will be in a very very used condition when returned.

tissy · 21/08/2007 17:55

you don't say that she is actually pregnant, just trying for a baby, so if she isn't then she's getting her knickers in a twist about nothing. If she is, it's probably the hormones, and she'll settle in due course.

tissy · 21/08/2007 17:57

x-posted, so she isn't pregant, but is hoping to trick he husband in accepting an "accidental" pregnancy?

Oh, Lordy...

boxes of cut snakes come to mind...

LIZS · 21/08/2007 17:58

Agree with Isababel, she should n't have todl you to let them go afetr you'd used them ro lent them inthe first palce if she felt that way. Just leave it and stop passing anythign more on. She sounds a bit deranged to consider entrapping her dh into another child.

NAB3 · 21/08/2007 18:47

Fantastic way to bring a baby into the world. By tricking its father.

ellabell · 21/08/2007 19:25

I am the said friend in question here, the only reason i asked for the clothes back is because I found out that you were selling them on here. I am not hoping to get pg by accident, because as you well know I have been waiting for a hopsital appointment to come through, as I have had to have clomid for my last 2 pg. And you have not sent me any emails, texts or phonecalls. I am sorry that this has come to this but if had been honest in the first place this would never had happened.

peanutbear · 21/08/2007 19:28

If you did sell it when you int py for it thats wrong I have lent lots of things to people nd would be really cross if they sold them

KaySamuels · 21/08/2007 19:33

Were the clothes given or lent??

ellabell · 21/08/2007 19:37

Some were given others lent - I really dont want this to become a slanging match between us, but I am really cross that you were not honest about it when you gave me back clothes that were not even mine

DontlookatmeIamborrrring · 21/08/2007 19:37

Woah - I would sort this out off the board now as there is obviously some confusion, maybe you could get the thread deleted.
Hope you get it sorted as it would be a shame to fall out over something as small as baby clothes [no pun intended]

tissy · 21/08/2007 19:48

fb
hang, on, if you are seriously selling on clothes that you were given/ lent then you are profiting from someone else's generosity. When my SIL gave me some old stuff for my dd, and I had finished with them, and wanted to clear the house out. i thought some of them were good enough for Ebay, so I asked SIL if she minded, and offered her the money for the stuff of hers that sold.

eb, I'm sorry to have offended you, if I did. I hope you are successful in your planned pregnancy.

Not sure an internet forum is the right place for this disagreement.

ellabell · 21/08/2007 19:51

Thank you tissy

LIZS · 21/08/2007 20:13

Agree imho it is wrong to profit from it, that isn't what op claimed though. No different from those on MN who buy and sell goods for personal gain , especially when acquired for ffp, but opinion was similarly divided when that came up previously on the basis that once given, it was up to the new possessor what to do. fb you must have known that your "friend" would see this and the thread become contraversial.

Doodledootoo · 21/08/2007 20:21

Message withdrawn