Am I a horrible wife?

[Anon234]

DH has to go away a lot with work. I'm only talking 2-3 days at a time, about a 3 hour train journey from home but its every other week. We have 3 DC who are 5, 3 and 6 months.
He had to leave at 5.30 this morning for a 2 day conference, staying overnight and coming back late tomorrow night, and typically, all 3 kids were really sick last night. I got up with all 3 of them multiple times so that he could get a night's sleep before having to get up early this morning. Today has been pretty tough with all of them still poorly and the older 2 constantly fighting, we're all exhausted and I think I'm coming down with what they have 😩
Anyway, spoke to DH on the phone at lunch time and he basically said that this 2 day conference hasn't gone ahead but that a few people were going for dinner tonight on some networking thing. It's not compulsory, it's just for the departments to "mingle". Anyway, I asked if he was going to come home this afternoon, since the conference isn't going ahead and he said he'd planned on staying overnight as the hotel was booked and paid for (by work). I think I sounded a bit crestfallen at this and said the kids were poorly and I could do with a bit of back up. I didn't tell him that i thought he should home or ask him to come home in so many words but that was the general gist. Initially he seemed to make a few excuses about why he needed to stay and ended it by saying he would "see how it goes".
So apparently, he's on his way back now and I've started to feel a bit guilty for making him come back; I would give anything for a paid-for night in a hotel/drinks and dinner. He's really shattered from travelling early this morning and now he's having to travel back tonight. I feel like I've been really selfish!

Don't feel guilty! When it was necessary for him to be away you supported him. Now its no longer necessary your family needs come above the temptation to doss around and drink with work colleagues

My dh wouldn't dream of going out and staying overnight if we were ill at home. Don't feel guilty at all. You need to rest. in your DH'sposition I might not have mentioned that the conference didn't go ahead

Christ on a bike, the negatively just because it's a man giving a opinion. It's nice to get a different perspective, don't see the problem. FGS

Thanks for your replies, all. DH was actually a bit confused when he got home and I told him I had felt bad for depriving him of a night in a hotel; his response was "I'm stuck in hotel rooms on my own all the time, I'd much rather be sitting on my own sofa with my wife watching TV". I'm actually so glad he did come home, we had another night of changing sheets and cleaning up sick between us 🤢

That’s good @Anon234. Hope everyone’s on the mend today.

Think of it this way: compare your opportunities for rest.

You: got up multiple times in the night, then up for the day early. Its very unlikely that you'd be able to get all 3 children napping at the same time (assuming that oldest might nap if feeling poorly), so the likelihood is that you'd have zero opportunities for nap in the day. Followed by in all likelihood another unbroken night, and early start. All whilst ill

Him: Had a unbroken (or relatively unbroken) night sleep, which ended a bit early. If it had gone to plan, there would have been 3 hours to sleep on the train, and the oppertunity for an unbroken night sleep. He'd probably have got up later than you the next day, and then that evening had another 3 hours where he could rest a little on the train. As it was, instead, he had 6 hours sat on his butt on a train (3 there, 3 back). I'm not someone who thinks communing time is good quality rest, but its still a lot better than no rest.

You are the one who needs more rest. Not him.