To think no man will be happy in a sex free relationship?

[compulsiveliar2019]

Just that really. Is there anyone out there who has entered into a relationship from the start knowing that sex or at least penetrative sex will never be on the table?

For context I'm 29 and have never had a relationship. I have severe gynaecological issues - extreme heavy bleeding, severe cramping ect. Sorry to be graphic but I can not tolerate anything inside me, tampons, fingers ect. I went for a smear test last week and the doctor was completely unable to do it or examine me due to pain. She said that things are not at a normal angle which is why I'm in so much pain.
I've been struggling with my issues for 10 years. There doesn't seem to be a solution. I used to dream of being a mum and being pregnant but there's no way it can happen.

I want to be in a relationship but feel like I would be trapping someone into it. I don't even know how I'd bring it up or when. I've been through a lot in the past few years and really don't want to enter into a relationship for it to fall apart because of my issues.

Has anyone been in the same situation or have any advice?

Aw, OP. Does your GP know all of the above? You should not be worrying about this without support.

This sounds awful for you. Do you know what's causing the pain? Is it a condition like vaginismus? Can doctors do something to treat it?

Sorry you are suffering. FWIW some men aren't bothered about my sex. My oh for one. Low libido he reckons. So it is possible to find someone who would be totally fine with this but surely there must be a better solution for you medically?

Yes Gp knows everything - it was my lovely Gp who tried to help me through the smear test last week. She doesn't think there is much that can be done

Oh OP. Sounds awful for you.

I think your gp should be able to offer more mental and psychological support. Even if she doesn't think there's much medically that can be done.

Sending you lots of love!

I have kids near your age.
Do not worry. Get yourself the best possible treatment and do not believe that all men are sex maniacs .
My dh went on beta blockers , we still survive .

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

I’d say the right person would be happy with whatever you are happy with, wether that be sex or not. I don’t think it’s a massive deal and you can be intimate in other ways and also physically can do other things.

Don’t give up, you’ll find your Prince Charming 😊

My sister in law had a dreadful birth and will not be able to have penetrative sex again. I know quite a lot about it because I had to help a lot after the birth and attended medical appointments with her. She and my brother are very happily married! I don't talk to him about it properly but they are honestly the most loved up couple I know and this all happened almost a decade ago!

I have no medical background but speak to a DR about having a baby - you could be impregnated without sex and then have a c section?

Good luck

I’m so sorry you’re going through this but I wouldn’t test until I had a solution or at least an answer.

What is your actual diagnosis? How many specialists have you seen?

Just to say that a friend of mine has vaginismus and has been offered physiotherapy for it.

Some men/people are asexual so lack of penetrative sex wouldn't be an issue. Good luck OP, plenty of sexy stuff that can be done without insertion.

I was diagnosed with PCOS. At the moment things are particularly bad. I have bled heavily for 3 months solid with no respite.

I’m sure there are quite a few blokes for whom penetrative sex isn’t a must. I hope you manage to find the right one!

Your GP doesn't think anything can be done? Has she actually referred you to a gynaecologist? Please tell me you have seen at least once gynaecologist before resigning yourself to this?! (And I don't just mean lack of sex, I mean all the other symptoms too.)

You should be pushing for referrals and getting second, third opinions.

Yes I've seen quite a few different people over the years. Things are particularly bad just now and almost got me to the point of asking for a hysterectomy just to stop the pain and bleeding.

My vagina is not at a 'normal' angle either - smear tests were unbearable until a kind female doctor worked out why. She has told me to tell future smear test nurses to head for my bum!
My best friend in Uni discovered at 19 when she had her first boyfriend she did not have a vagina. When she told her mum her mum explained it was a genetic issue in her family. Yes really. Her boyfriend at the time proposed to her. There are billions of people out there - most people value relationships emotional value as their highest priority.

You cannot bleed constantly for months with no reason - PCOS does not cause periods like that.

What treatment are you receiving?

I reckon my DH would be fine with it. He doesn’t have high libido and we rarely have sex and we could do other things.
As long as you are open and upfront and nobody is compromising then you can find someone.
But I think you need to keep on working with the doctors to get to the bottom of this.

I'm on provera and transexamic acid both 3 x daily. Then naproxen, codeine, paracetamol and morphine for pain relief

My best friend in Uni discovered at 19 when she had her first boyfriend she did not have a vagina. When she told her mum her mum explained it was a genetic issue in her family.

How was she conceived?

I don’t think hoping for a sexless relationship is the way to go. If it comes to that, so be it but please ask to be referred to a gynaecologist. Not just because you feel unable to have sex but because you are in so much pain. You are 29! Please don’t resign yourself to a life of pain and celibacy. Your GP needs to refer you now. Good luck.

I've been referred and seen by several gynaecologists over the years and am waiting to go and see them again after Xmas.

Wait, someone got to nineteen without even realising she had no vagina? How is that possible?

And her mum must have known, surely? Did she just not think to mention it? Wtaf

Sorry to take your thread down a side path, OP. What you’re going through sounds hugely difficult. I’m just really confused by that pp’s story.

Please stop telling the OP to seek medical guidance to sort it out when it's blatantly obvious that she's had acres of medical input. Some things just can't be fixed.

I can't have penetrative sex. Due to gynae cancer with a lot of surgery and radiotherapy - I'm completely ruined. But alive. Dh and I were together for a long time before it happened and we just got over it. It's really not the end of the world. It's love that matters, not sex.

I’ve PMd you OP x