'what a waste' is offensive?

[TellMeEveryrhing]

NC as could be outing as friends on here

I am not a lesbian, but I scream inside when I hear a man say 'what a waste' about an attractive woman who is homosexual. Maybe they think it's a compliment in their little world, but I view it as misogynistic, viewing women as possessions or sexual objects just for the gratification of men. A man I know said this today, and when I asked him what he meant by that he said 'just a waste when i think how much a man could enjoy being with her'

AIBU or extreme to think this, is it just a harmless comment?

YANBU, at all.

It is sexist. It implies that a lesbian relationship isn't a proper relationship.

I always just think 'yeah, like she'd shag you anyway"

Yes, offensive

YANBU but I confess to jokingly saying it about a male celebrity the other day You're right, it's offensive slaps self on wrist

YABU

I do think I've heard it said just as much by women though, when talking about gay men.

Either way it's pretty objectifying.

I agree although I have used it about gay men. ‘What a shame there’s no hope for me’ in retrospect would be more appropriate! Again another wrist slapped!

**YABU

I do think I've heard it said just as much by women though, when talking about gay men.**

^This

Offensive? It's nauseating. I'd really have ripped him a new one and I don't say that lightly. Absolutely nauseating.

YANBU I hate hearing men saying this - it’s as infuriating as “she just hasn’t met the right man yet”

Or "I'd turn him/her straight"

That's another little gem

I've only ever heard it said about gay men. It's a wistful statement rather than an aggressive one.

Our friends recently got married (two men) and upon showing neighbour the pictures she said "they are so handsome, what a waste" Like it's a waste they are both gay and ended together and not with women?

I have a gay friend who says the same about my husband.

I have heard female friends say this about gay men. I usually reply with something like " Not really a waste, as why shouldn't another bloke get a hot guy too?" Are people really thinking that gays and lesbians should only get second best? So I would find it a little narrow minded rather than offensive.

YANBU but I confess to jokingly saying it about a male celebrity the other day blush You're right, it's offensive slaps self on wrist

^^
Oh God me too. Possibly in front of gay men! (Only people I know well obviously!) Meant “ironically” but I know that’s no excuse!

I've only herd it being said by women about gay men. But yes, sexist and makes no sense.

I remember years back - it must be 20 years ago - seeing Mr Gay UK on the front of my mum’s Woman’s Own. That in itself was quite brave, but even back then I found it massively cringeworthy that they used ‘What a Waste!’ as the headline. If a teenager could recognise it as embarrassingly dated even back then, someone using it now should be ashamed.

We used to have gay male neighbours. My MIL used to say sorrowfully, "it's such a waste". I don't know if she meant because they were both good looking and gay. I used to ask how it was a waste if they both seem to be happy together. My point it that it is pretty offensive, but I've heard it said about men. My MIL does come out with some right cliches though.

It's a pathetic comment so puerile, it's not worth wasting any of your thought processes on.

YANBU. You would have to be very entitled and misogynistic tbh to say that.

I get this sometimes (people literally saying it to my face!), I really don’t think people consider how hurtful and homophobic it is. But when people stop saying it I’ll know that I’m past it!

Or the people who would “turn you straight pretty quickly” I now reply with something along the lines of “what, by sexually assaulting me” that seems to work fairly well.

I've only ever heard this said by women about gay men.

It's a rather silly, totally meaningless, throwaway remark of the sort that people make a hundred times a day about different aspects of life.

I suspect in most instances it's meant as a compliment, albeit a misguided and rather stupid compliment.

When I've heard women say it, it's usually in a way that indicates that the woman fancies the gay man and wishes she could find a good looking man like that for herself.

Is it offensive?

I think that rather depends on how easily offended you are.

I hear it as compliment not an insult.

My first thought was about a female friend who passionate unrequitedly longed for her gay (male) friend. Near miss on being the one who got away.

I've heard it said about gay men more than gay women, and with more of a "what a waste of obviously great dna, what a shame it won't be passed on' type slant, rather than a waste of a parter to the opposite sex.

Tis a bit offensive though.

he said 'just a waste when i think how much a man could enjoy being with her'

Urgh. That makes me feel queasy. Not even attempting to disguise his view of women.