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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's been so long since Ive seen my smile

34 replies

WhatAMum01 · 27/11/2019 08:52

Caught a sight of my face in the mirror as I was hurrying my kids out of the door this morning and was saddened to see how sad my face looked.i genuinely dont remember the last time I was truly happy and smiling.thats really sad I know.ive got a really difficult family life due to a severely disabled DC and the daily toil has taken a strain on me mentally,but this morning I see its physical too.i miss being happy.i cant change my situation and find it so hard today accepting that this is how my life is to be.not looking for anything really just had to get my feelings out there.

OP posts:
RosemarysBroomstick · 27/11/2019 08:55

Just sending you a hug. Do you have anyone that you can talk to at all?

Ponoka7 · 27/11/2019 08:56

Would you access counselling?

It's important to still grasp small pockets of happiness. So work out how you could do that do. I found meditation helped and it does improve you, physically.

Original poster
WhatAMum01 · 27/11/2019 08:57

@rosemary thank you for the hug,its appreciated. Yes my husband but hes under the same stress too so I try not talk to him about my feelings too much as I dont want to further burden him.

OP posts:
RosemarysBroomstick · 27/11/2019 09:00

I think it helps when your life is so busy like this if you can (somehow!!?) plan a couple of hours away from it all, just you, doing something you enjoy.
It will remind you that YOU are still in there- not just this work/ mummy machine.

RosemarysBroomstick · 27/11/2019 09:02

When my life was incredibly busy and everything felt like a slog, I know how much it helped when a friend or two came round when the children were in bed, for a cup of tea and a little laugh. Made me feel human again.

Emeraldshamrock · 27/11/2019 09:03

You have my sympathy OP. I hope things get easier, it is hard to see the wood from the tree at times.
Is there any respite you can access. Flowers

Original poster
WhatAMum01 · 27/11/2019 21:24

@RosemarysBroomstick its impossible just now for any me time,any time I have alone I just want to sleep to forget my worries
I'm on sertraline to help, dont know if it is.i am a coper normally!

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAMum01 · 27/11/2019 21:26

@Emeraldshamrock thank you,I've made the calls but on waiting lists for free respite which may take months.its ok,I am normally a coper but today was just one of those days I was feeling really sad for myself.

OP posts:
HappyHedgehog247 · 27/11/2019 21:27

Sending another hug. Could you get some counselling via the GP? Just for a bit of support. It’s a lot to deal with.

Original poster
WhatAMum01 · 27/11/2019 21:29

@Ponoka7 you are right,I just cant seem to find anything or seem to be able to catch a break just now
I'm generally quite positive and keep waiting for my luck to change.waiting so anxiously to arrive at a desperate for destination.
On a waiting list for counselling too.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAMum01 · 27/11/2019 21:33

@HappyHedgehog247 thank you for being kind.on a waiting list for counselling, was so sad this afternoon I phoned the samaritans, person was very sympathetic, but I ended up feeling stupid at the end of this call as it was going through my head that this person didn't know me or actually care.too much overthinking doesn't help me obviously.

OP posts:
Flyingfish2019 · 27/11/2019 21:36
Flowers
HappyHedgehog247 · 27/11/2019 21:38

I’m sorry you felt stupid at the end of the call. I think people can care about others even when they don’t know them in detail. Don’t let it put you off calling again.

cakeandchampagne · 27/11/2019 21:38

I think the people on the crisis lines really do care- like the people here.
Flowers
Sorry things are so rough for you.

salsmum · 27/11/2019 21:38

What area are you in op? If you are on a low income you may be eligible for a respite holiday via the family fund. I too have a 30 year old DD whose is severely physically disabled. There may be some folks in the 'carers' forum who can help too. I find happiness in the simplest of things like music that I remember from happier times and very occasional drinks with friends, ask your local authority for a carers assessment too. ThanksThanks

Original poster
WhatAMum01 · 27/11/2019 21:45

@cakeandchampagne you are a lovely lovely person,I dont know you but you've been so kind to me on this thread and I remember from another thread about my life with my son.sending you all the best wishes.

OP posts:
MrsMozartMkII · 27/11/2019 21:46

We care lass.

You're not stupid or silly. You're knackered.

Other people have wiser words than me, I can send you a hug and a handhold.

Emeraldshamrock · 27/11/2019 21:47

@WhatAMum01 You're bound to feel sad at times OP.
Life is hard enough you have it harder with a severely disabled DC. Flowers
You are clearly a strong person, allow yourself be sad and acknowledge your pain give yourself an eternal hug. I wish I could help you more and I'm a stranger. ♥️
There isn't enough support for families.
Listen to some music from your youth I love a good 90's music day. I hope you feel better soon. Smile

Original poster
WhatAMum01 · 27/11/2019 21:48

@salsmum I've got an application for family fund to complete, will definitely get round to it.i take my hat off to you,i know it wont have been easy for you either.wish I was a stronger woman.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAMum01 · 27/11/2019 21:52

@Emeraldshamrock thank you so much,such lovely words from you and the other posters,having a silent sob here while sitting watching my sleeping son.an eternal hug sounds just what I need.

OP posts:
FamilyOhNo · 27/11/2019 22:20

You sound mentally exhausted and you’re probably physically exhausted too. I’m here for you too .... you have a virtual support team here just for you.

Hopefully knowing we are sending you strength and love, will give you some umphhhh to keep you going.

Think of when you were happy and try to recreate the memories with music / food / maybe watch a film from that time, and allow yourself a break.

CakeWineFlowers you deserve them all ...

2018SoFarSoGreat · 27/11/2019 22:39

That sounds really hard; no wonder you are not smiling. I'd be hard pushed to find one in me with what you have on your plate.

Do continue to reach out for help - most people do care. We care. That person you talked to at the Samaritans cares.

Sending you a strong hug, and a strong back for you to lean on if the going gets tougher. And Flowers

salsmum · 27/11/2019 23:07

Whatamumo1 please do get that family fund application form sent ASAP they are amazing and can give grant help towards holidays, laundry equipment etc.. to make life a little more bearable they can even help towards driving lessons too and have thrown me a lifeline when I've needed it, whizzkidz can help towards electric wheelchairs too( if needed). The local authority should be offering you respite breaks so you can recharge your batteries, you can ask for a care manager ( social worker) via your councils SN team. You ARE a strong lady and you're also very brave recognising that you need a little break to recharge your batteries please don't think you are selfish, weak or bad ( we all do) as a good respite break will be beneficial to you all.

Bluewavescrashing · 27/11/2019 23:12

A stranger stopped me in the street recently. I was just walking along and she said, are you OK, you look so sad I'm worried about you. I smiled and said I was fine but I'm not.

Hugs for you OP.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 27/11/2019 23:20

a big hug for you too, Bluewavescrashing!

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