It's been so long since Ive seen my smile

[WhatAMum01]

Caught a sight of my face in the mirror as I was hurrying my kids out of the door this morning and was saddened to see how sad my face looked.i genuinely dont remember the last time I was truly happy and smiling.thats really sad I know.ive got a really difficult family life due to a severely disabled DC and the daily toil has taken a strain on me mentally,but this morning I see its physical too.i miss being happy.i cant change my situation and find it so hard today accepting that this is how my life is to be.not looking for anything really just had to get my feelings out there.

[newdeer]

OP, my son was pretty much fully recovered by age eight (still has a very mild physical disability and SEN). I feel so much for you. It's impossible to do big things to raise your happiness when every minute of your time is taken up with caring, but that's why the tiny things matter so much.

Wearing outfits you feel good in. Bathing in smells you love. Listening to great music, comedy shows on radio, TV comedies. A few healthy food and drink treats every day - good coffee, nice fruit etc, a bunch of flowers for yourself after a tough day. Reward yourself for your hard work with these small things. You are doing an amazing job with no thanks, so you have to learn to thank yourself.

[WhatAMum01]

@lotus90, what a lovely thing to sayxx

[WhatAMum01]

@newdeer I'm sorry that you had it hard too, is your dc better now?unfortunately my poor son wont improve much as hes severely disabled and dependent on me entirely. I like your suggestions, I'm certainly going to try .I'm desperate to be happy once again. Thank you

[Lotus90]

Reading this thread you actually sound amazing OP

[newdeer]

OP you have my sympathy too. DS2 was very ill for years and it was so time consuming and emotionally draining. I decided to try and get tiny moments of happiness into each day - start by putitng favourite uplifting music on first thing - playing throughout the house as you get breakfast ready.

End the day watching a comedy for half an hour - any box set or reruns that make you laugh out loud. And I used to set myself a goal of having three giggles a day with DC - about anything at all - just mucking about pulling silly faces or putting on silly voices, or playing a game or singing songs. Didn't matter if it was short and sweet but it really kept me going. On bad days it would get to evening time and I'd have a mission to get those three giggles in. It probably sounds forced and insane to anyone who hasn't cared for a sick child but I had to make it happen or it never would naturally, because we were so caught up in coping. to you.

[WhatAMum01]

@cakeandchampagne well that made me smile,I love the silliest of jokes which require not much thinking,I'm awful at telling them though as i cant without laughing midway through!thank you xx

[WhatAMum01]

@Emeraldshamrock thank you,I'm ok hoping that tomorrow I wake up and it's going to be the start of wonderful times ahead. i live with this optimism.hope you too are wellx

[cakeandchampagne]

A penguin walked into a bar and asked the bartender, “Have you seen my brother?”
The bartender replied, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”


Thinking of you.

[Emeraldshamrock]

@WhatAMum01 How are you today.
I hope thing's are a little brighter.

[2018SoFarSoGreat]

a big hug for you too, Bluewavescrashing!

[Bluewavescrashing]

A stranger stopped me in the street recently. I was just walking along and she said, are you OK, you look so sad I'm worried about you. I smiled and said I was fine but I'm not.

Hugs for you OP.

[salsmum]

Whatamumo1 please do get that family fund application form sent ASAP they are amazing and can give grant help towards holidays, laundry equipment etc.. to make life a little more bearable they can even help towards driving lessons too and have thrown me a lifeline when I've needed it, whizzkidz can help towards electric wheelchairs too( if needed). The local authority should be offering you respite breaks so you can recharge your batteries, you can ask for a care manager ( social worker) via your councils SN team. You ARE a strong lady and you're also very brave recognising that you need a little break to recharge your batteries please don't think you are selfish, weak or bad ( we all do) as a good respite break will be beneficial to you all.

[2018SoFarSoGreat]

That sounds really hard; no wonder you are not smiling. I'd be hard pushed to find one in me with what you have on your plate.

Do continue to reach out for help - most people do care. We care. That person you talked to at the Samaritans cares.

Sending you a strong hug, and a strong back for you to lean on if the going gets tougher. And

[FamilyOhNo]

You sound mentally exhausted and you’re probably physically exhausted too. I’m here for you too .... you have a virtual support team here just for you.

Hopefully knowing we are sending you strength and love, will give you some umphhhh to keep you going.

Think of when you were happy and try to recreate the memories with music / food / maybe watch a film from that time, and allow yourself a break.

you deserve them all ...

[WhatAMum01]

@Emeraldshamrock thank you so much,such lovely words from you and the other posters,having a silent sob here while sitting watching my sleeping son.an eternal hug sounds just what I need.

[WhatAMum01]

@salsmum I've got an application for family fund to complete, will definitely get round to it.i take my hat off to you,i know it wont have been easy for you either.wish I was a stronger woman.

[Emeraldshamrock]

@WhatAMum01 You're bound to feel sad at times OP.
Life is hard enough you have it harder with a severely disabled DC.
You are clearly a strong person, allow yourself be sad and acknowledge your pain give yourself an eternal hug. I wish I could help you more and I'm a stranger. ♥️
There isn't enough support for families.
Listen to some music from your youth I love a good 90's music day. I hope you feel better soon.

[MrsMozartMkII]

We care lass.

You're not stupid or silly. You're knackered.

Other people have wiser words than me, I can send you a hug and a handhold.

[WhatAMum01]

@cakeandchampagne you are a lovely lovely person,I dont know you but you've been so kind to me on this thread and I remember from another thread about my life with my son.sending you all the best wishes.

[salsmum]

What area are you in op? If you are on a low income you may be eligible for a respite holiday via the family fund. I too have a 30 year old DD whose is severely physically disabled. There may be some folks in the 'carers' forum who can help too. I find happiness in the simplest of things like music that I remember from happier times and very occasional drinks with friends, ask your local authority for a carers assessment too.

[cakeandchampagne]

I think the people on the crisis lines really do care- like the people here.

Sorry things are so rough for you.

[HappyHedgehog247]

I’m sorry you felt stupid at the end of the call. I think people can care about others even when they don’t know them in detail. Don’t let it put you off calling again.

[Flyingfish2019]

[WhatAMum01]

@HappyHedgehog247 thank you for being kind.on a waiting list for counselling, was so sad this afternoon I phoned the samaritans, person was very sympathetic, but I ended up feeling stupid at the end of this call as it was going through my head that this person didn't know me or actually care.too much overthinking doesn't help me obviously.

[WhatAMum01]

@Ponoka7 you are right,I just cant seem to find anything or seem to be able to catch a break just now
I'm generally quite positive and keep waiting for my luck to change.waiting so anxiously to arrive at a desperate for destination.
On a waiting list for counselling too.