How are SINGLE mothers supposed to go back to work

[jasmin93]

Another lady just raised a very important question with the title "How are mothers supposed to go back to work".
Many of you suggested that the partner/father should jump in as 50/50 equals. I do agree with that.

Here is my issue: not everyone has a partner or a father who cares about their children. And just imagine you are that single parent with a 1 year old without any family support.

Out of curiosity, what would you do?
Considering your Full time job only brings in 26k gross a year?

Xx

That was me 6 years ago although my salary was only 24k. Went back full time. I had tax credits to help with nursery fees. Lives on a tight budget and managed to pay childcare/ bills / mortgage .... hard but do able

Impossible without a decent salary or tax credits top up. Amazing childminder, astonishingly good organisation in every aspect.... if you can stretch it, a cleaner and an occasional babysitter for sanity

I’m a single mum and work part time because of my parents doing the childcare. Couldn’t do it otherwise so I’m really lucky

Was my situation. I was made redundant and so went self employed and worked my job around the kids until the youngest was 5. As I was the boss I could have the kids with me if ill. Now I am back to working in an employed role, thankfully still with a fair amount of flexibility. Still happily single. I have found it gets much easier as they get older, mostly because their needs are more predictable and they can have play dates and sleepovers when needed for work.

As I said on the other thread I have 4 children one with asd and one awaiting assessment, I don’t see how I could possibly work as I’m a lone parent (ex is absent) and family don’t help. A very helpful family member said I should be working regardless, I honestly don’t know how it is possible as I get calls constantly. I’m always at the school having to do pick ups. And no one else can do it but me! But apparently I’m just making excuses and should be trying to look for work. There are single mothers who work though but it’s usually the ones with lots of help/support

I've been a single parent 15 years and always worked, nursery and childminders. When I was on a low salary retraining having had to change careers, WTC/CTC certainly helped. For the past 10 years I've received no financial help and used after school clubs, teen now so self sufficient.

I'm a single mum and I work PT school hours, topped up by tax credits. Going back full time would be very difficult right now so I'm waiting until DS is old enough to walk home alone and let himself in from school.

DS's father is involved but due to his work he cannot just leave at the drop of a hat, whereas I work near the school.

I am lucky to have very understanding employers who allow me to be flexible.

I muddle through the holidays with help from my ex and other family members when they can.

You can’t without tax credits and/or family help and an understanding boss/ flexible job.

I posted for similar advice yesterday and my dd is 10!!

Early years I worked opposite shifts to dd's dad - him days, me nights.

Then for a couple of years I moved back in with my parents! They worked days, me evenings and weekends, dd went to her dads at weekend, my parents were there in the week.

Then I worked 9.30 - 4pm very close to dd school. My dad picked her up from school.

Now I work 9-5 very close to school, my dad still picks her up. He is a godsend. I could use after school club though if he wanted to stop.

But basically I've survived by working crappy but flexible NMW 0 hour jobs, then by having no commute and being able to do morning drop off.

I've also used every drop of goodwill from my employer to juggle illness and dd's various medical appointments, making up for it by working Saturdays when she's at her dads.

I thought I'd just add I don't known any single parent myself who does not work, various jobs, a carer, nurse, GP, teacher, marketing manager, successful online retailer (company will be familiar but I won't out her) a dog walker and an MD. We can't be that rare.

As a result of using every bit of goodwill from work on dd stuff, I've dragged myself in when ill and never taken a sick day for myself, and I crash when I take annual leave. I just spent an entire weekend in my pjs at home after being in work ill for 2 weeks. Dd went to her dad's Friday and I crashed until Sunday.

It's shite, basically. And I'm lucky to have my dad's support.

26k should entitle you to certain extra benefits. You also need to be practical when it comes to choosing an employer - flexibility (including work from home / staggered hours / being able to leave early to pick up kids then return to work from home etc) is more important than set hours. It can also make sense to jump ship every 2-3 years for higher salaries.

In terms of childcare you need options that work year around (including school holidays). Childminders are often great as they can be flexible but for older kids summer / winter camps or clubs are also a good idea. It’s also worth checking if your local private school would (with burseries / scholarships) be a cheaper alternative to childcare for kids as they get older - many can be especially if you have more than one, as they often hook people in at nursery and guarantee that same fee throughout (adding sibling discounts / scholarships where needed).

Grandma for back up childcare.
Small mortgage that meant nursery bills didn't bankrupt me.
Tax credits help for nursery fees. Nursery cost more than I earnt.
Maxed out unpaid parental leave for school holidays. Less stressful to lose a days pay than spend the same amount on a holiday club my kids hate and one has meltdowns about.
Pray no one gets I'll too often, take vitamins and lower standards 🤷‍♀️.

I work 3 days a week and the last decade has nearly killed me tbh.

I went back full time as a single mother when my first child was 10 months old. I had an hour commute each way and it was bloody hard. I had no support network, so every time the nursery called - sometimes almost as soon as I'd step foot in work - it was me who had to go. But I knew I had the potential of a career, so I worked my ass off. By the time she was 3 I'd moved up an NHS band and was able to go down to 27 hours. Swapping nurseries was a pivotal moment. I went from a nursery who called for anything, to one who would email me and ask what I would like them to do, such as administering calpol and doing a watch and wait. They were brilliant, and understood that as I was an hour away, it would take me time to get back so would only ring if it was really really necessary.

Although it was hard, it was so worthwhile. Im now not a single mum, but my partner works away so still all the childcare falls to me (I've now another daughter). But it does get easier as they're older. Schools don't like to send kids home either, so it's very rare now i have to drop and run. I'm now at assistant director level at 35 and I'm proud of how all the hard work and being apart from my daughter paid off.

Honestly without my parents, I haven’t a clue how I would’ve managed when I was on my own.

As a HCP I’m on a reasonable wage, but not incredible, working 32hrs a week, bills are paid, as is the mortgage, but what’s left over wouldn’t even remotely cover childcare for those 32hrs.
His dad is not on a scene, at all, and pays not a penny in maintenance.

Thankfully my parents are wonderful, and I do now have a partner so the situation is no longer remotely a concern, but how others manage us beyond me

Work part time, use tax free childcare and any other childcare available and make regular offerings to the health Gods in the hope that nobody gets sick

Fantastic childminder who was sympathetic to my situation. She would judge each situation, rather than follow a set of rules, like nursery, so if she only had Dd that day and Dd was a bit poorly she'd be happy to see how it went rather than just call me to collect.

No family nearby, all my annual leave is taken up with appointments. I can wfh if the situation is desperate. Dd goes to holiday club a lot so I can keep the annual leave for the aforementioned appointments (have an older child with mental health issues.)

Dad is not on the scene, really, so it's all down to me. That said, I have a lovely boyfriend now, who helps out if needed, but I try to keep it to a minimum.

No access to benefits at all, but job is reasonably well paid so can just about cover it all.

I think 26k is the average wage, it's not low to manage some childcare costs, is it? Plus, would you get tax credits?

I think sp should be given the option whether to work or not, depending on support system and subsidised childcare. It should be illegal for men not to support their children.
It should be criminalised and them named and shamed. Fewer women would make the mistake of getting involved with complete losers if forewarned before.

@PumpkinP
Not wanting to minimise your situation but my friend at college is in a very similar boat but she's studying full time with the intention of heading to uni next September and she has dyslexia. You can do anything you want to, but you can't do it all so if you want to work, find something flexible or maybe you could study to get where you want to be? Single parents are heroes, you all just need to believe it a bit more 💐

I was a single parent for 13yrs. When dd was 3 I got my first job I was 18. In a factory doing shift work. I would either get her up early and take her to my parents or collect her late and walk home at 10pm. Looking back it was actually a nightmare and I couldn't have done it without my parents. It was 24yrs ago.

I managed it when dd was younger by working in jobs with “office hours” (which limits which jobs you can apply for) and by luckily having access to good reasonably priced childcare, understanding bosses and a child who at that time didn’t need much time off sick, and thanks to things like tax credits, some help towards rent, and some associated benefits like free eye tests.

But that was over 10 years ago when I got those jobs and a LOT has changed since in terms of jobs available, childcare and dd was dx with a disability at start of high school, it’s a condition she was born with but symptoms got much worse at this time.

Around the same time my own health seriously deteriorated and I had to quit work due to that anyway, but if I hadn’t I’d have really struggled with how much time off dd was having with symptoms plus numerous hospital appointments and appointments for associated issues.

It’s really tough and I always get pissed off at the posters on here (certain of whom can be characterised as ‘the usual suspects’) who without any experience or knowledge of the issues involved slate single mums for not working or working part time.

I had no support network, ex was useless and at times even went out of his way to make things harder, parents weren’t in a position to help and there wasn’t anyone else apart from a few other single mum friends we’d help each other out by eg taking turns hosting sleepovers so we could get out sometimes and covering minor sickness issues eg I worked mon-fri 9-5 but others worked weekends/eves but had days off in week so if dd was off with like a sore throat a day one of them it was their day off anyway they’d watch her for me and I’d do same for them if they had issues on eve/weekends. None of us were cf and it all evened out.

Good childcare, tax credits, using unpaid leave, after school clubs, holidays clubs, buying additional leave - going off sick with stress when my youngest was in hospital - you just get one with it!

When I knew I was going to become a single parent I set up my own business.

It was the only way I could 100% guarantee the hours/flexibility and income I needed.

OnlyFoolsAndMothers

"You can’t without tax credits and/or family help and an understanding boss/ flexible job."

You can: I have worked in the City as a single mother for the past four and a half years. I have no family help at all and have to pay for everything, no maintenance from father. Can't go out without paying babysitters. I do have a degree of flexibility, in that they understand that I can't do 7am starts etc, but still expected to do 8.30 until about 6 in the office, can rarely wfh.

It's bloody expensive, is how you manage it. I'm on a pretty decent salary but after my mortgage and childcare have very little left. And I have very little spare time and I'm knackered all the time. It's not for everyone.

I'm still glad I've done it though. I've managed to hold onto a decent career and not had to scale back massively.

Looking at the entitled to website a single parent on that wage can get help with childcare costs etc.

I’m a lone Dad with a four year old, there isn’t another parent and there never has been. I work three full days (spread over four short days) and I WFH two evenings a week when my son is in bed.

I don’t have family as such, I rarely have anyone available who would be able to collect him from nursery/school when he’s ill so I do it 95% of the time. I do have a cousin, but she’s a nurse so can’t do emergency pick ups, my best friend sometimes can, but he is regularly out of the country or more than an hour away.

His school have before/after school club that I use four days a week, I am going to purchase some additional holiday, use a small amount of unpaid leave and take advantage of WFH to cover the school holidays.