Ds having a terrible time at primary school

[PantyGiraffe]

Posting for some perspective and for people to tell me if things should be better than this.

Ds is 9. We have come to the point a few times where we’ve said we need to take decisive action and move him on to a new school, but because he is such an anxious little thing and cries about leaving his friends we don’t know if it’s worse to make him go through that or worse to keep him where he is. At the current school the following has occurred:

• a boy with ADHD joined the class, who is a sweet boy but really out of control. We had a time last year where ds was terrified of going in and really quite traumatised because the boy would push him over, hit him, shout in his face etc. Things calmed down for a time but have got worse again. In the last week ds has been wrestled to the ground by his neck, punched and kicked by this boy. The ‘punishment’ was the boy not being allowed out to play for several days- but they changed their minds and let him straight out to play!! he also went for another boys neck with a pair of scissors. He was expelled from his last school.

• ds has a stammer and a speech therapist came to the school, plans were made for ds to have sessions with the SENCO (?) lady which never materialised.

• his class is known to be the hardest class to teach at the school ever. Very disruptive kids, some kids involved with social services, unkind and rude. Ds unfortunately seems to be bearing a bit of the brunt of the teachers annoyance with the class. Today she shouted at him for giggling and when asked why he giggled he couldn’t reply because of his stammer. She repeatedly kept demanding for him to tell her and when he burst into tears she told him to sort himself out and when he started to feel sick with upset she told the teaching assistants not to help him. This seems extremely harsh to me and he has been in floods of tears.

• lastly, all is not well behind the scenes. I’m aware of a lot of the teachers bullying other teachers and many going off with stress and leaving all the time. This is less of a point than the others but it’s still very off putting.

Would we be overreacting to move ds to another school? He is an anxious boy but this all still seems a bit much.

I'd move him like a shot. The school sounds awful!

I'd move him!! It sounds awful.

Or could he at least move class so he's away from the teacher and the boy who is bullying him?

Move him. Think about where you want him to go to secondary school and make the move with that transition in mind, so to a feeder school for example depending on how allocations are done in your area.

I have just taken ds out of a school similar.

He became so anxious he was phyiscally sick before school. Then he couldnt go in. He didnt want to move either.

I am home schooling until I find a new one. His mental health comes first.

Luckily I can work from home.

Jesus!! This is unbelievable. Get this in writing to the Head, dates and times, witnesses etc. Copies to the governors, LEA, Ofsted and start looking for another school. I would want to lodge an official complaint against the teacher for treating your son this way. A bit much? It's completely unacceptable. Move him and make sure everyone knows why. Are other parents in the same boat as you? Maybe their children are being terrorised by other kids and bullied by the teacher.

I would definitely move for what you have described. Your poor son.

The school sound completely incompetent.

Move him. But don't make it a mystery. Actively involve him in looking at school alternatives. You can put him on another school's waiting list NOW. You can even deregister him and home educate while you are on a different school's waiting list.

I home educated my son for two terms after moving him from a school that sounds similar. Got him on a waiting list for a different school and never looked back. One of the best things I ever did for him.

Unfortunately, school funding (especially SEN funding) has been slashed to the bone underneath the current government, so I'm not surprised by much anymore. And OFSTED isn't much use at all.

I'd move him. My 9 year old started a new school in January this year (new school year in Australia). He hated it. He cried every day going, cried while there. Had no friends and was a shadow of his former self. The teacher was unhelpful and didn't understand what his "issue" was. She claimed the root cause of him being so frightened of school stemmed from something at home he was experiencing.

I pulled him straight out when she was unwilling to just be kinder and stop shouting all the time. He's back in his old school now and is back to the happy, confident little learner he was before. He's like a different child. I'm so sad when I think about how unhappy he was at the beginning of the school year, but so glad it was the school, not him or his home life that he had "issues" with! Mums know best hey!
In his new school he's so popular, happy and even on a day when he had sickness he was actually begging for me to let him go to school! A far cry from before.

So I think you should change schools for your ds of there's an opportunity to do so. I honestly believe the actual school can make or break a child. I hope things improve and huge hug for you as I remember how horrible it is seeing your baby go through that.

Take him away from there, straight away. Bless him.

Get him out.

Get him out of there asap.

Crikey, yes I’d move him without question. Hard for him to leave friends and I do understand that, but it will do real damage leaving him to remain in such a toxic learning environment. I always think it is helpful to imagine how we would cope as adults in a similar scenario - the loveliest friends or colleagues in the world wouldn’t make up for facing similar stresses at work or an adult learning environment. Poor chap - and poor you for having to deal with his distress which I imagine is taking its toll on you too.

Awww poor lad, I wouldn’t make him spend one more day there. I would keep him off from now, it’s bad enough the kids getting at him but inexcusable for the teachers to treat him like that. I would be absolutely livid about the teacher with what they did, that could have lasting damage.
Protect him, school should be a safe and happy place not this.
Definitely put complaints in too.

As a secondary teacher, I say move him!

It sounds like the school has major issues and just isn't functioning properly which isn't helping any of the children.

Thank you for your input. Bizarrely everyone else at the school just kind of mutters about how crap it is but nobody is actually as outraged as I am- maybe because their child hasn’t been so emotionally affected, I dunno. But enough is enough now. I’m going to ring another local school tomorrow and see if they still have a place available as they did a few months ago.

Ds has had stomach aches and been crying all evening. He’s having a mental health day off tomorrow.

Re his teacher- she is known to be one of the bullies among the teachers. They’ve made life hell for some of the others. When I told another mum I was going to have a word with her about the incident re giggling, my friend said just be aware if you say anything she will get narky at you. Great!

Other things that have happened involving the adhd boy include him throwing all of ds’ food on the floor at lunch and also trying to lick ds’ food and smear his own food on it- he thought it’d be funny because ds has allergies!!

I moved my son when he was 9, it was the right decision

You just know when enough is enough

The best way to do it is by not bad mouthing the school at all, just express sadness that it did not work out for your DS. That way you can keep existing friendships going

One of my friends who pulled her daughter out slagged the school off to everyone, which made her very unpopular with all the parents whose kids were still there (unsurprisingly they felt defensive)

Just bear that in mind. If DS can still see his old friends (because bridges have not been burned) it makes the transition easier

Poor wee soul - he’s in the wrong place.

Please try to move him - let him know that you aren’t happy with the ‘fit’ for him and are going to find one you think is better for him (don’t tell him it’s crap). Kids need to know that their parents are in control and have the situation in hand.

And singing is good for stammering. There are also breathing and relaxation exercises he can do - as well as learning that it’s ok - it really - is to have a stammer. Didn’t the queens dad have one?

Please don’t get him a digeridoo. Great for breathing exercises - but not a nice noise when learning!

Sounds like a very difficult place to be in. I'd love him straight away.

I had to move my children schools due to having to move to accommodation suitable for my disabilities and not being able to get them to their old schools one dd has selective mutism and another is autistic I was very anxious about the move (dd and ds1were not being well supported but wasn't sure if a move would make things worse) and how they would cope but all my dc have thrived from the move dd has made friends and joined in after school clubs and I cryed when she had a speaking part in the play she's gone from strength to strength. Ds1 has really come on academically because he has a senco team that work with us. We're nearly a year on and I honestly feel that I have different children they have grown in so many ways. I wouldn't hesitate moving unhappy children in hindsight - life's too short and childhoods even shorter not to be happy.

I moved my son aged 10 due to similar circumstances. Within a week of being at his new school he was a completely different child, happy and now thriving. I think you reach a point where you can continue going into school to get things sorted out but what about when the teachers don’t listen or act on your concerns, I reached a point where I had to take the next step and it was the right decision in the end.

Move him as soon as possible. Kids are at school for too many hours to be unhappy. It sounds like a terrible school.