Ds having a terrible time at primary school

[PantyGiraffe]

Posting for some perspective and for people to tell me if things should be better than this.

Ds is 9. We have come to the point a few times where we’ve said we need to take decisive action and move him on to a new school, but because he is such an anxious little thing and cries about leaving his friends we don’t know if it’s worse to make him go through that or worse to keep him where he is. At the current school the following has occurred:

• a boy with ADHD joined the class, who is a sweet boy but really out of control. We had a time last year where ds was terrified of going in and really quite traumatised because the boy would push him over, hit him, shout in his face etc. Things calmed down for a time but have got worse again. In the last week ds has been wrestled to the ground by his neck, punched and kicked by this boy. The ‘punishment’ was the boy not being allowed out to play for several days- but they changed their minds and let him straight out to play!! he also went for another boys neck with a pair of scissors. He was expelled from his last school.

• ds has a stammer and a speech therapist came to the school, plans were made for ds to have sessions with the SENCO (?) lady which never materialised.

• his class is known to be the hardest class to teach at the school ever. Very disruptive kids, some kids involved with social services, unkind and rude. Ds unfortunately seems to be bearing a bit of the brunt of the teachers annoyance with the class. Today she shouted at him for giggling and when asked why he giggled he couldn’t reply because of his stammer. She repeatedly kept demanding for him to tell her and when he burst into tears she told him to sort himself out and when he started to feel sick with upset she told the teaching assistants not to help him. This seems extremely harsh to me and he has been in floods of tears.

• lastly, all is not well behind the scenes. I’m aware of a lot of the teachers bullying other teachers and many going off with stress and leaving all the time. This is less of a point than the others but it’s still very off putting.

Would we be overreacting to move ds to another school? He is an anxious boy but this all still seems a bit much.

He wouldn't be going in tomorrow if he were mine.... he can see his friends out of school. Home ed as of tomorrow until new school sorted.

Yeah if you're at home I'd home ed immediately although I assume it can't start tomorrow can it? I assume there's paper work and a waiting time? Although I don't know

I don’t know anything about home ed at all. He’s def having tomorrow off though, he needs it. He asked if he can have a lay in too bless him. I’ll ring the school that might have places first thing. My friends boy goes there and he’s v happy.

It's shocking to hear about his treatment at school!

He might be unhappy to begin with but you're doing him a favour by moving him in the long run.

Agree that there needs to be a very serious complaint lodged. Shocking behaviour.

Can you home educate? Schools are prisons anyway. Kids are taught to conform and become boring robots like most of their parents who don’t think for themselves.

Poor little sweetheart. I'd be very unhappy if my child had been treated like that by another child. Far to violent and intimidating. The teacher surely knows he stammers and therefore her lack of control is unkind and unprofessional. If she is teaching him she should be respectful and kind to him. Bless him it must be so hard to feel understood and be shot down for being happy.

My partner had a stammer as a kid. He still mildly stammers but mostly he's fluent. He's so funny though he makes everyone laugh. He struggles to power phrase etc. He also has alot of memories of being misunderstood by teachers etc. I'd look into moving him. That said if he does stammer you will need to consider him restarting with new people. Kids can be cruel can't they. It's just that if he has friends already it's a case of will he make new friends easily. I know this sounds deep but it's a sad world. I am so glad I have my kids but I often feel worried for their futures. I hope you get your little boy settled and sorted. It's not nice for us parents! My four year old daughter told me she was punched in the back today. Not impressed x

Hope the new school has a place for you @PantyGiraffe

Move him. You know that things can be better, it's much harder for him to see that. I hope things get better for him.

You have to move him I think. Yes he'll be upset but he will get over it. Visit some other schools with him, talk to your friends who have children at other schools to find out what they are like. Seems like you've tried everything and it's just getting worse. You could move him and incur the same problem but it's unlikely you'd be that unlucky. Once you have chosen a new school for him and they confirm they can take him have him visit a few times before you move him permanently so he has time to adjust. It'll be OK. Good luck x

It must be hard for you and your boy, no wonder he doesn't want to go in if all that is going on.

Can I ask though how do you know that the teacher told the ta's not the help him when he felt sick?

Ds told me. He said he wanted to ask the teaching assistant if he could go home but the teacher said to let him sort himself out.

Ok so I spoke to the other a school this am. They do have a place, but the secretary said the heads of the local schools have an agreement to not poach each other’s pupils. I explained that he’s v unhappy at that school and I’ve made complaints so this isn’t an out of the blue situation...

Waiting for head to call me back. Do children really not move between local schools?!

Who poached students?

Of course kids move between local schools.

No agreement of that sort is legal.

This will be down to funding . Schools are funded on a per head basis , the census is taken in October so his current school has funding for him so he’s school May not want an extra as depending on the county the funding may not move with him. Or the current school is on the boundary of viability so needs to keep numbers up well etc Etc

Please move him. You only have one chance to be a child.

Sounds like torture. I’d keep him at home if you can until you find a new school for him.

No one should suffer that level of distress at school. It’s heartbreaking.

Unbelievable, your poor son.

Maybe post on the Primary school thread as there are experts on there but I think that if there is a place you are entitled to it

Move him and file a detailed complaint with the governors, LEA at the very least

I'm another who says move him. An agreement between heads to not poach pupils sounds ridiculous. What business is it of the head teachers' anyway? It's the local council that is reponsible for school places/allocations.

I pulled my DD out of school age 9. The plan was to home educate whilst waiting for the application for a different local school to go through (a month or so). I felt she really needed the time off school for her mental (and physical) health. I started knowing nothing about home education, but in that first few weeks found so many local home ed groups, with suppportive parents/families, that we ended up not actually starting at the other school at all and we carried on with home ed for the next 5 terms. We only stopped as I didn't want to be reponsible for her secondary school education and there was a local secondary that she actually wanted to go to.

I would have no hesitation in recommending home education, either for a short period while you wait for another school, or longer term. The full primary national curriculum is available free online, and there are loads of really good materials available either for free or that can be bought really cheaply (eg I bought a really good set of workbooks from CGP to cover years 5 and 6 for about £50 that included maths, English, History, Geopgraphy, Science).

If you decide to pull your son out of school you need to write to the school telling them to de-register him from 'x' date - there are templates online. I would then involve him in the process of looking for a new school, and in the meantime, home educate. It might only be for a few weeks, but it is important to get him de-registered first. It only needs to be till you find him a new school, and it sounds like he could do with a break from that environment.

This ‘agreement’ doesn’t sound right at all. Assuming you are in England, then this just isn’t a thing that can happen. I second posting on the Primary Education board of there is any difficulty put in your way - there are some extremely knowledgeable and generous posters on there.

And yes, move him. They are failing both your son and the little boy with ADHD.

I'm a primary school Governor. Please move him and make a complaint to the Head and the Governors.
Also don't be afraid of a teacher getting 'narky'. I really hate it when parents/carers are made to feel afraid of certain teachers

If a school has a place, it has a legal obligation to accept a child.

I put in the application for the new school today. My head hurts from chewing it all over and discussing it with my husband. He was umming and ahhing about what to do and I could tell he wasn’t going to make a decision so I just said look I want him to leave there, do you object if I put in this application? He said no so off I went. I’m terrified about the upheaval but they do settling in sessions apparently and my friends son will be in his class so I’m hoping it will all be ok.