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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas presents, not spending the same amount on both kids

39 replies

Polydactyly · 26/11/2019 17:19

I have 7 year old DS and a baby who will have no clue what the fuss about due to being so young. DS has been asking for a year or so for a games console that costs around £300. I’ve said no every time because it was too much money. This year DP and I discussed it and are getting him what he wants having saved up. From us, this is all he is getting aside from a few sweets and I think DS will be absolutely happy with that. Especially as he will be getting related items and then some from others as well.
DD will only be a few months old at Christmas and trying to figure out what to buy her is difficult because she can’t ask for anything.
I’ve decided on some handmade knitted rattles and possibly a couple of learning toys but for the most part she has plenty that her brother has passed down to her and still in good condition.
I’ve got her some clothes because she will need them and a lovely personalised book about her first Christmas.
It’s come to nowhere near what we’ve spent on her brother and My sister and mum think I’m terrible for buying an expensive gift for one child and not spending the same on my second child.
I don’t know if I am being unreasonable here.
On the one hand, she won’t have a clue what’s going on but On the other I do see that it might come across as unfair.
I could put the spare money in her savings maybe? But then I don’t know if that’s completely necessary and spending money for the sake of it.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 26/11/2019 17:21

I don't think you're unreasonable, there's no point in spending 300 on a baby who has no idea what christmas even is

BoxtheRight · 26/11/2019 17:22

YANBU at all! I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Don't feel guilty, you're being sensible.

superfandango · 26/11/2019 17:22

Your mum and sister are batshit. There is no point in spending equal amounts on children who don't understand the monetary discrepancy just for the sake of it. We're spending slightly more on DS than DD this year, not because we think he's worth more or deserves more, but simply because to get him things he wants is costing a bit more (£30) than what it's costing to get DD the stuff that she likes.

Sirzy · 26/11/2019 17:23

With such an age gap I think keeping it equal in value doesn’t matter

Pipandmum · 26/11/2019 17:24

Don't be silly! Rejoice in the fact you don't have the expense of buying for two kids yet. You have already bought your daughter way more them I did for my kids when they were babies. And when a little older they seem to care they get the same amount if presents rather than the same value in presents.
Tell your family it's none of their business (can't even believe they have voiced an opinion).

jcoc147 · 26/11/2019 17:24

I have never spent the same on my children, ds1 is now 15 and has more spent on him. Ds2 is 8 and has special needs and is extremely hard to buy for as only likes niche things which are relatively cheap. I refuse to spend extra money just for the sake of it as he has no idea how much things cost.
Ignore other people's comments and do what's right for you.

tried20names · 26/11/2019 17:26

I'm not spending the same on my 4 and 2 year olds as DS2 will be just as happy with the boxes and wrapping paper as with the gifts inside so why spend money unnecessarily!

Sammy867 · 26/11/2019 17:28

The only thing I would worry about is if she wanted something expensive around that age.

For example she is 8 and she knows her brother has a games console which is expensive that he still plays on that he got when he was around 7.

She now wants an iPad (I know may not agree but just for example sake) that iPad is £300. Would you be able to buy her that ipad at that point or would you then need to spend another £300 on him for example which still unbalanced them as he has two expensive tech and her one?

I would be inclined to agree she doesn’t need anything now but put the £300 away for when she’s older for her to get a present equivalent when she wants a games console or iPad etc explain it that they both got £300 at that point and she was too little to want anything so hers was saved and he got his console

bridgetreilly · 26/11/2019 17:29

Did you spend £300 on DS when he was a baby? No, thought not. So it's completely fine not to spend that on the baby. Indeed, it would be ridiculous to buy her that amount of stuff just for the sake of it. Things will even out over the years.

BoxtheRight · 26/11/2019 17:32

For example she is 8 and she knows her brother has a games console which is expensive that he still plays on that he got when he was around 7.

An 8 year old won't have any concept of how much a nearly decade old games console cost.

Mizzeldrizzle · 26/11/2019 17:33

Op I can't see the issue and if your worried why not open up junior s and s isa and bung 270 in there?

messolini9 · 26/11/2019 17:33

It’s come to nowhere near what we’ve spent on her brother and My sister and mum think I’m terrible for buying an expensive gift for one child and not spending the same on my second child.

I doubt they think that at all. I suspect they are getting off on criticising your parenting, & are ganging up to undermine you.

Your less-than-one-year-old child doesn't need money. Neither does she need equitable present-giving, as she doesn't even know what a present is. She just needs time & attention & love & fun, which I'm sure you are already giving her.

CalmdownJanet · 26/11/2019 17:34

Your sister and mother are talking shit

Bee1511 · 26/11/2019 17:35

Babies don’t need £300 spent on them. It will get more expensive as the years go by who why spend so much now? Babies have no dies what’s going on. Just get her a few bits she needs. YANBU!

ToniHargis · 26/11/2019 17:37

No, you're not.

blackteasplease · 26/11/2019 17:38

I didn’t get anything for my eldest when she was a baby! Mind you she was in hospital over Christmas but I don’t think I’d have done it anyway.

For my youngest I probably got something because it seemed wrong to buy only for the eldest but it wouldn’t have been expensive!

gemdrop84 · 26/11/2019 17:40

I've never spent the same on my two, there's four years between them. This year ds is wanting a switch and dd asked for a basic fitbit and tamagotchi! Last year, ds asked for one set of playmobil and dd asked for barbie and dollhouse. It's never been equal but there's never been an issue with it as they've got what they asked for.

Thescrewinthetuna · 26/11/2019 17:44

I never spend the same amount on mine - I have the same amount so present ‘piles’ look the same size. They’re 5&4 so don’t care about the value, though.

Spacerader · 26/11/2019 17:45

I don’t see it as an issue, my dd 12 and ds 14 always have different anonths spent on them. I don’t set a budget each, of both their wish lists have been met and the amounts are different so be it. It all evens out eventually. Neither have brought it up, and are old enough to know there is a distinct price difference, they are just happy to get what they asked for.

Original poster

Polydactyly · 26/11/2019 17:45

Thank you everyone. I didn’t even think about it until they piped up and they made me feel like I was being so mean and stingy!
I’m used to them telling me off for silly things but they laid it on thick with this one.
I remember mum getting both my sisters expensive presents and me getting knickers one year. Mums denying that now and has said “next thing you’ll be telling me you won’t be bringing my granddaughter to me for her first Christmas!”
Well no actually we weren’t planning on going to them because they are really rude to DP! It’s not what you want at Christmas really.

OP posts:

codenameduchess · 26/11/2019 17:46

Yanbu, my ds will be 5 weeks at Christmas and I wouldn't bother getting him anything if it wasn't for 4yo DD who would notice if Santa didn't bring her brother anything. He's got a few things for Santa to leave him, a Sophie the giraffe gift set, a couple of sensory toys and some PJs, I'm sure he'll get gifts from friends and family too but have asked for clothes in bigger sizes as we have loads of toys from when DD was a baby.

Babies don't know what Christmas is, she won't care at all and no one else should!

Purpleartichoke · 26/11/2019 17:47

Look for equal joy in gifts, not equal money.

toomuchtooold · 26/11/2019 17:49

Your sister and mum are mental. I don't even make sure I spend exactly the same on my kids and they are twins

Is your mother always this batshit?

AnathemaPulsifer · 26/11/2019 17:50

I make a note when one has a particularly expensive year, then the other can have one at a later date.

messolini9 · 26/11/2019 17:54

I’m used to them telling me off for silly things but they laid it on thick with this one
Yeah, thought so - this is an exercise in 'let's make @Polydactyly feel bad' & sod-all to do with xmas presents.

I remember mum getting both my sisters expensive presents and me getting knickers one year. Mums denying that now
Nice. A hypocrite as well as a shit-stirrer.
Is the sister who's been siding with your mum the Golden Child by any chance? & you the Black Sheep?

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