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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how you can not know you’re pregnant...?!

75 replies

Budgetbride · 26/11/2019 12:18

3 times???
Someone I know gave birth this morning, didn’t know she was pregnant.
First baby, at 18, found out she was pregnant at 8 months. Baby brought up by grandparents.

Second baby, 10 years later (3 now) found out 2 weeks before birth.

This morning, she gave birth again. Didn’t know she was pregnant.

I’m sure there’s a huge element of denial here.
AIBU to ask how you can go 9 months without realising?!

OP posts:

churchandstate · 26/11/2019 12:20

It seems unlikely, but we all have different bodies. 🤷🏻‍♀️

manyfingersinmanypies · 26/11/2019 12:21

Three times? I call bullshit.

It can happen, you read about it don't you but it's rare. Personally I couldn't have not realised, I was the size of a bloody buffalo with both of mine

misspiggy19 · 26/11/2019 12:25

She knew. Just lying about it for some bizarre reason. Probably in denial or likes the drama

Burlea · 26/11/2019 12:38

I could understand once but not 3 times.
My cousin was very thin, she was still having periods, the week before she had been to her works Xmas party and had drunk very heavily.
On the Tuesday she woke her husband up to say she was in a lot of pain they thought it might be her appendix, sent for an ambulance as he had a broken leg so
Couldn't drive. The ambulance turn up just as the babies head appeared. Such a shock but a lovely bundle of joy.

PumpkinP · 26/11/2019 12:43

Once maybe (but even then I struggle to understand it!) but 3 times is just denial.

Bingcankissmyass · 26/11/2019 12:46

I found out I was pregnant with DS when I was 6 months. I still had periods and was still in size 10 clothes (oh the fond memories of a smaller waist!) The only reason I found out was I was constipated for weeks and DH made me a doctors appointment against my wishes (i didnt want to waste their time just because i couldnt poo!) Dr asked if i could be pregnant, so i gave her the reasons i wasnt (on the pill, periods, no weight gain, no sore boobs etc.) She said "you're probably right but we'll test anyway" a few days later tget call and say I'm expecting! Doc did an internal and sent me straight for a scan. I was 6 months pregnant about a week later I started showing, and my DS was born at 36 weeks weighing 5lb 6ozs!

Fraggling · 26/11/2019 12:47

Well either she's in denial in which case serious issues and not right to be all

or she is one of the women who continue to menstruate through pregnancy, have no symptoms etc, or on pill and so no periods anyway etc , we are all different

Likethebattle · 26/11/2019 12:50

My friend didn’t know with her second until she was 30 weeks. She was still breastfeeding her first so her periods were all over the shop. She didn’t really gave much bump but was carrying extra weight from the first pregnancy as well. She didn’t feel any movements really then one day felt a definite kick and elbow

Damntheman · 26/11/2019 12:57

It's perfectly possible. We are all different and we all experience pregnancy differently. Some women are skinny as a rail and still never show, some women continue to bleed regularly throughout their pregnancies and never show a symptom. There's no need to be judgemental about it. I pity the poor women who get thrown in the deep end without a few months in which to get used to the idea that life is about to change!

Lunafortheloveogod · 26/11/2019 12:57

If it wasn’t for the horrific sickness with ds I wouldn’t have known to 17ish weeks when I first stopped bleeding. With the sickness I thought it was another stomach ulcer, made me violently ill throwing up and fainting in the past so similar symptoms just no blood in vomit yet, had an app at ooh to get medication and she done a quick test again agreeing that it wasn’t likely just a precaution before she prescribed xyz and well he’s definitely not an ulcer.

It can happen but 3 times is fishy, surely you’d know what a baby moving felt like after the first.. and that’s if you never get a big bump or anything else.

Damntheman · 26/11/2019 12:57

You may not even feel the baby move. I felt every twitch my first made - I know what it feels like. Didn't feel my second AT ALL. Placenta got in the way, I was so sad. It's so possible to never feel the baby move.

MoreSexPleaseImBritish · 26/11/2019 13:05

My SIL found out at 5 months with her third. They had used contraception and she was a slim size 8-10. She assumed her bloated stomach was just the left over baby weight from her 1 year old that she hadn't worked off yet. and were going through a busy and stressful time with an international relocation as well as looking after a 1 year old and a 3 year old.
She had been feeling unwell for a month and her GP asked to take some blood before administering a 3rd attempt at antibiotics.
A few days after the appointment her GP called to say "I'd like you to come in to discuss the results of your blood test. By the way, you do know you are pregnant don't you"
She cried. They had to postpone their location and cancel a trip they had planned for a big birthday due to Zika virus.
All is well know though and number 3 is an absolute dream child.

I do think in a lot of cases it is denial. If i don't take a test I don't know for sure so I can pretend I'm not pregnant.

nononever · 26/11/2019 13:05

My cousin had no idea she was pregnant until she went into labour in the middle of the night. Her husband was away on business and she was on her own. She had wakened with terrible backache and ran a bath. She delivered the baby herself in the bath then phoned for help. She was 40, had monthly periods, very slight weight gain which she put down to good living. There was no-one as shocked as she was. Baby was perfectly healthy, first and only child, she thought she was unable to have children.

PumpkinP · 26/11/2019 13:09

Jealous of the people who stayed so small to not notice, I was the size of a house.

MrsFoxPlus4Again · 26/11/2019 13:11

When I was younger someone who lived on my street didn’t know until she was 8 months with her first 5 with her second but new at 8 weeks with her daughter. My cousin had been ill for a year and was having multiple tests didn’t think she was pregnant as she found out super early with her first born. Wasn’t getting very far with the doctors switched and it was the first thing they tested for. Send for a scan and she was 6 months she had no clue. The baby wasn’t causing the illnesses she was suffering but it was definitely adding to the symptoms. She’d had multiple bloods & an mri during though 6 months.

Mia1415 · 26/11/2019 13:12

I didn't find out until I was 25 weeks.

In hindsight there were symptoms but I just ignored them.

Passthecherrycoke · 26/11/2019 13:14

Denial.

People always claim it’s possible and there is no denial, but I don’t think they realise how unconscious and strong it can be. How much it can suppress symptoms and appearance. I firmly believe genuine not knowing is extremely rare and the vast majority of the “friends of friends who say they didn’t know” are in denial, consciously or otherwise

Passthecherrycoke · 26/11/2019 13:15

See10, 16,25 weeks I think it’s perfectly normal not to know- it’s just finding out late really. It’s the people who get to labour and claim they didn’t know I’m talking about

Whattodoabout · 26/11/2019 13:27

I can believe it once, not sure about three times.

My Mum didn’t find out she was pregnant with me until she was 20 weeks. She went to the GP’s thinking she had a pee infection and discovered she was pregnant instead. She was on the pill so her periods continued as normal, she had zero pregnancy symptoms aside from peeing a lot (hence GP visit). A friend of mine didn’t find out until she was seven months pregnant, I saw her a week before she found out and she had a washboard stomach I swear.

Three times sounds like blatant denial to me.

TheHootiestOwl · 26/11/2019 13:34

I work with someone who found out they were pregnant at 30 weeks. No bump, didn’t have periods anyway because of the contraception they were on.

Not knowing 3 times is quite extreme though.

ParkheadParadise · 26/11/2019 13:35

I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was nearly 5mths with dd2.
I thought I had a kidney infection went to the doctors and he asked if I could be pregnant. I laughed, so did he until he tested me. I was sent to the hospital for a scan. We were in complete shock Dd1 was 23!
I was still in size 10 jeans I definitely didn't feel or look pregnant.

Elementalillusions · 26/11/2019 13:37

I know someone like this, she’s the sister of a close friend.

She had her first at 19, the family suspended she might have been pregnant but she denied it, there was an argument and she went to stay with a friend for a week or so.
After she came home all was fine until a few weeks later when she confessed she had a given birth while ‘staying’ with the friend.
She claimed to not have known she was pregnant and that she had gone to hospital thinking she had appendicitis and after giving birth she had left the hospital without the baby and told a social worker she didn’t want the baby.
social services took the baby into care but pushed her into visiting the baby, told her she didn’t have a choice and pressured her into applying for a council house and taking the baby back (her family thought it was a mistake)
When she was 26 she went to the gp with abdominal pain and was rushed to hospital because she was in labour and the baby was breach.
She claimed to have no idea is was pregnant.
Two years after that it happened again.

All three times she claims to have had normal monthly periods, felt no movement and had no symptoms.
She is overweight and the babies were all small when born so even when she was full term it wasn’t obvious she was pregnant.
I actually have a photo of her around 8 months pregnant in a swimming costume when we all went on holiday together and although she is bigger her weight is evenly distributed so you wouldn’t have ever guessed she was heavily pregnant.

I believe she knew every time she was pregnant but was in denial and embarrassed so chose to ignore and conceal the pregnancy.
I think this is usually the case and it’s incredibly rare for people to genuinely get to full term without any idea they are pregnant.

I only found out I was pregnant at 23 weeks, I think that is easy to do, but for most once you reach a certain point there will always be some symptoms.

ChaiNashta · 26/11/2019 13:40

Does she have PCOS/have irregular peroids? Some women still get light 'peroids' when pregnant. I remember reading about this, something to do with a lag in hormones or something. I know someone who is quite overweight who only found out she was 5 months pregnant by chance after complaining about abdominal pain.

kshaw · 26/11/2019 13:44

I know someone it happened to twice. She's got an inverted uterus so baby grows inwards. She had periods throughout both pregnancies. It happens, rare but it does. I didn't know til 10 weeks

Topseyt · 26/11/2019 13:59

I can see how it could happen, though I find the idea of it happening three times rather surprising.

With DD1 I only knew I was pregnant because I had taken tests. I had subsequently had some bleeding which some people might have interpreted as a period so I went for an early scan, which confirmed the pregnancy and the baby's heartbeat. I didn't feel any definite movements until after 20 weeks. No pregnancy sickness either, luckily for me.

In my two subsequent pregnancies things were clearer from a much earlier stage.

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