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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you can not know you’re pregnant...?!

75 replies

Budgetbride · 26/11/2019 12:18

3 times???
Someone I know gave birth this morning, didn’t know she was pregnant.
First baby, at 18, found out she was pregnant at 8 months. Baby brought up by grandparents.

Second baby, 10 years later (3 now) found out 2 weeks before birth.

This morning, she gave birth again. Didn’t know she was pregnant.

I’m sure there’s a huge element of denial here.
AIBU to ask how you can go 9 months without realising?!

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 26/11/2019 14:01

That must be SO RARE though kskaw because it means so many events coming together:

Inverted uterus so no bump (rare)
No obvious symptoms- sickness, bloating, headaches, tiredness, hip pain, nausea, food aversion
Periods continuing throughout (rare)
Contraception failure (rare)
No unexplained weight gain

All these things would have to happen at once- twice?! Possible, but probably not

Confusedbeetle · 26/11/2019 14:02

Naive to think it cant happen

crispysausagerolls · 26/11/2019 14:08

Jealous of the people who stayed so small to not notice, I was the size of a house

I came on to say this 😂😢

Caspianberg · 26/11/2019 14:09

I can kind of see how it can happen to a certain point.
I am nearly 5 months pregnant, we were trying for a baby so tested etc and found out early.
But apart from a few weeks feeling tired and ill which could be put down to a kind of cold/flu if not pregnant, I have felt the same as usual, and still in regular clothing. I am just starting to get a bump now, but very slim usually, so if i wasn't i think current slight bump could easily be missed. Im sure soon it will be a give away, but i can see how people could get to 20-25 weeks without knowing if not looking for it.
The full 9 months seems a lot more unrealistic

OhHellllooooo · 26/11/2019 14:10

Once.... definitely possible
Three times... a mixture of bullshit and denial

LuckySeventhWave · 26/11/2019 14:10

I was only 17 weeks with my first so obviously not showing yet, but I was still having regular sharks and no other pregnant symptoms so didn’t occur to me.

It was only when I started habitually drinking chamomile tea when I, was normally an obsessive tea and coffee drinker that I thought hang on, this is a bit unusual...

salypre · 26/11/2019 14:11

I think I know this personGrin

Cheeseandwin5 · 26/11/2019 14:16

I am just wondering what business of yours is it.
Whether she knows or doesn't know- doesn't mean she has the share the news.
Maybe she just doesn't want to tell you and if you are getting so judgemental over this I am not surprised.

Tunnocks34 · 26/11/2019 14:23

Didn’t happen to me but of a friend had this. To be fair I was out with her about 2 weeks before she gave birth and she was absolutely flat as a pancake in her belly. She woke up one morning with ‘really bad period pains’, these continued all day and she eventually called an ambulance thinking it was her appendix as she was screaming out in pain. The doctors didn’t even suspect labour initially! Her daughter was born full term. It was an amazing surprise but she had a three week holiday to Dubai booked, departing 4 days later which she obviously couldn’t go on!

Tunnocks34 · 26/11/2019 14:26

I had regular monthly bleeds with each of my pregnancy’s which I could easily have explained as periods but I have a typical, large round bump from about 4 months plus severe morning sickness - there’s no way I’d ever not know within the first month!

SerafinaPekkala1 · 26/11/2019 14:40

I am slim, have a retroverted uterus, bump measured very far behind all the way through and had a relatively small 6lb 7oz baby at 39 weeks. I still had a very noticeable bump, couldn't reach to put my shoes on for the last month! No way on earth anyone's stomach can look flat as a pancake if they're slim and at full term. It's just not biologically possible.

And it was incredibly uncomfortable with the baby basically growing into my organs and squishing my stomach and lungs, I could barely breathe or eat. You'd notice.

Twatwaffles · 26/11/2019 14:44

Might have been genuine the first time, was it reported in your local news or such? As my guess was she probably enjoyed the very minor celebrity attention it provided. Even if not in the paper, she probably revelled in the gossip it caused within friends and family.

maggiecate · 26/11/2019 14:57

I know of two people this happened to, one of whom went to term. she’s very athletic and had such strong core muscles that baby was positioned like a frog, so lying flat. She was in a swimsuit the week she gave birth, nobody twigged until she was in labour. The other got to28 weeks. No symptoms at all, just thought she was putting on weight from going on the implant.
The midwives said it was relatively common - the mind is capable of extraordinary feats of denial. Three times sounds as if there’s some sort of psychological issue but it’s entirely plausible that she didn’t believe she was pregnant.

Loopytiles · 26/11/2019 14:59

Denial/dishonesty due to personal issues and/or messed up relationships with her partner(s) and/or family.

Very sad.

Ohyesiam · 26/11/2019 15:02

For me crying for 14 Weeks and vomiting Daily for the last 7 of those would have flagged it up.
She must be very robust. Some people are .

Thefaceofboe · 26/11/2019 15:05

Haha I agree but I suppose it happens. My cousin went to Greece at 19 on holiday with her bf, thought she had food poisoning and turned out she was in labour. She had no idea and luckily her insurance paid out! But when I’m 1 day late on my period I do a test.... Grin

wafflyversatile · 26/11/2019 15:07

either there are strong psychological motivations for her to be in denial or be blind to the signs or pretend to not know, or the way her body behaves during pregnancy obfuscates the pregnancy.

a PP described how she got to 6 months without knowing, If it can happen with 1 pregnancy it can happen with 3.

wafflyversatile · 26/11/2019 15:08

I remember the thread on here when someone had had friends round for dinner and was now in discomfort with indigestion. Several posters asked if she could be pregnant. No, she's not pregnant. 36 hours later she was back on the thread with the birth announcement.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 26/11/2019 15:10

I didn't know till 28 weeks! But by the time they're kicking and sticking their limbs out of your belly when they turn around, I dunno. Once maybe, but not another two times.

Boxerbinky · 26/11/2019 15:11

I know two people that have given birth allegedly without knowing they were pregnant. The first I'm sure knew and just didn't want to tell her husband because he was insistent that they had no more kids.. then all of a sudden this baby appeared. Too late then Confused
The second was a younger person - about 18, was crippled by pain in work and thought she had appendicitis, was rushed to hospital and came home with a beautiful baby boy.. that one I believe Grin

WorldOfPhoebe · 26/11/2019 15:12

I only found out at 28 weeks. Genuinely not a symptom in sight that didn't easily fit in with something else going on in life (major medication change in the early days, smaller ones as time went on).

That being said..... The second I stopped dressing like I just had a bit of a belly, and the bump popped out. No way I could have gotten this far now without realising (currently 35+1).

I'd suspect a little bit of denial here, but every body is different so who knows.

GaryWilmottsTeeth · 26/11/2019 15:23

There's a thread in classics somewhere about a woman who this happened to. She had something she thought looked like a show, but she wasn't pregnant, asked MN for advice about what it could be. Turned out it was a show, and promptly had a baby!

I was on the ante-natal ward for a week before I had DS. Was chatting to another woman. Asked her how far along she was, expecting her to say 12 weeks or so, she looked like an 8-10 and slim. She was 36 weeks. She had found out at 33 weeks and was in being monitored for pre-eclampsia. She said the last three weeks had been the most bonkers of her life. Barely looked pregnant at all.

Christmastree43 · 26/11/2019 15:26

My DP's mum (she's now mid 40s and had him at 18)... Met a new bloke when DP and his brother were early teens and has spent the last 15 years having 'surprise' pregnancies which she tells the father and now 9 siblings that she had no idea about, even when she's visibly showing Hmm

Only when DP and his brother got sensible adult girlfriends (me and SIL) that some doubt was thrown on this!

For her it definitely comes from knowing she shouldn't really be having any more kids and that they don't have the resources for another one (completely chaotic family jumping from one rented house to the next every 9 months). She's told SIL they aren't planned, she just doesn't use contraception and is obviously super fertile.

IHaveBrilloHair · 26/11/2019 15:28

I didn't know with my third pregnancy until 19 weeks, didn't know about the second until I miscarried at 8 weeks.
The only one I actually knew about was the first.

poppet31 · 26/11/2019 15:45

My Mum didn't know she was pregnant with my sister (or at least claims that was the case) until she was in labour. She had symptoms but thought she was going through menopause as mid 40s. She is a big lady though (size 22ish) so wouldn't have shown much anyway. I am still sceptical though as this was her 4th child.