How did I end up with a job where I get up at 5.30am?!

[shouldntBeButIAm]

Just drinking my swift coffee and getting ready for work and wondering how I ended up with a job getting up at 5.30 and an almost 2 hour commute each way! AIBU for thinking there must be more to life?!

That’s grim. Is there no chance of working at home 1 day a week? I introduced home working in my unit and it’s very popular. I’d stay overnight midweek too to give myself a break from the early morning commute. You could get in earlier and have longer in bed, then leave for home earlier. If you want to keep this up long term you need a better work life balance. A few changes should help. Good luck

linsey2581 it sounds to me like you need to let your family sort themselves out and you'd be a lot better. Honestly, unless they have additional needs your 15 and 16 yo can make their own breakfast and sort out their clothes . Even if they do need extra help, your husband can probably make his own breakfast

I have a 2 hour commute on a good day, often 2.5 hours each way. We moved from London a few years ago and love where we are now, however I still enjoy the buzz of London when I am up there. The key is making it work for you and your family. Not sure I can do it for many more years mind - and like fellow posters I always have half an eye out for a local job that I can get excited about.

@shouldntBeButIAm could you officially work on the train? That way you could do compressed hours and get a day back in the week. That - plus more home working -should give you a better balance. You are no good to your work or your family if you are worn out.

It's strange to see so many people say that's just how life is nowadays. Makes me so grateful I live in ni, people would think you had lost the plot if you were doing a daily 2 hour commute. You would be tortured with people asking youif it's only temporary/when you plan to move/get a new job/quit. I don't know a single person who commutes more than 45 mins an even that is just the odd person. Half an hour is considered a long commute here!

I get up for work at 5.30am, start at 6.30am, my commute is about 2 minutes...

What time do people go to bed? I faff around on my phone reading mumsnet till late.

IceniSky why do you do that?

Nobody in our household takes mobiles upstairs, DH and I go to bed at 10pm, up at 5:45am.

I used to work early shifts starting at 6am a 45 minute drive away (the drive was ok though - no traffic, just a long way on rural roads, sometimes a bit scary especially when foggy as deer used to leap out of the dark and run across the road 3 meters ahead of me...) And still went at 10pm, but that wasn't quite enough sleep. It's hard to make myself go to bed without time to watch a full episode of something with DH after putting the children to bed and tidying up for the evening, as 45minutes to an hour watching an episode of something is our only real time together.

Beingmum what sort of workplace requires a 04.00 start? Seems an unnecessarily cruel time to start the day!

That sort of shift is ruinous to health.

No way i could/ would do that

Partly inspired by this thread I’ve just sent my CV to a more local job option. 30 minute drive still so not amazing but a good hour less than my current journey on the train!

Argh, I feel for you OP. It's so tough and such a drain on time, money and energy.

I currently have one day a week with a very early 5am start and it is nearly killing me, so God knows how you do it 5 days a week.

I have a 2 hour commute each way. London job but not living in London. I've just applied for a working from home job, 8 K less net income (that takes commuting costs into account) , but I'll be delighted if I get it.

We are the opposite and considered moving out of London before deciding that life was too short to spend it on a commute so stayed in London. We found the best area we could to live in that was close to work but the kind of place we’d feel ok raising our children.
I don’t regret it.

Yanbu. We have friends who moved quite a long way out of London to a commuter town not far from Brighton when their first child reached secondary school age. They both continued to commute into London (1 of them has now given up their London job but the other has been doing that long commute by train for something like 12/13 years now). They have made no friends in their mainly Tory voting small minded market town. Their children have gone to University and left home. The comprehensive school their children would have gone to in London is famously one of the very best in the whole city. I fervently hope they dig deep and come back to London - it sucks only seeing them once or twice a year, we miss them!

I can't get past the £71 per day commute. We are traveling to London today from Edinburgh and I've paid less than that for 3 of us. Is the drop in pay 50% before or after you deduct that's cost?

@Westfacing my DS spent 2 years working as a baker in a small artisan bakery ( think £4.80 for a small sourdough loaf) and he started every day at 3 am. He did 8 hour shifts. Before that he started at 5am and finished often at 5pm. He earned the minimum wage. He had one Sunday off a month and worked 6 days a week. That's the kind of job!

I only earn 50-60 a day lol

@Westfacing

Public transport sector

I have an almost opposite problem in that I live a short walk away from my work but the job is very stressful. I've been looking for other jobs and saw one that looked appealing but it was an hour's drive away. That felt too long but it got me wondering how much stress is worth the sheer convenience of living so close, having longer evenings at home, being able to manage childcare etc. That would all become so much more of an issue with a longer commute, and a source of stress in itself. I guess a balance is healthy.

My DP commiserates with you OP. He used to do Kingham (Cotswolds) to Maidenhead and back every day. He doesn’t know how on Earth he did it now. But then he’s been a very happy SAHD for the last few years....

@CheshireChat My 16 year old son actually does have additional needs (autism and epilepsy to be precise). In the few hours that both myself and husband are not in the house our 15 year old daughter is his carer, so by leaving out her clothes and leaving out breakfast for her, helps relive a bit of pressure on her in the morning (especially at that time). She ensures that he takes his morning meds and gets to the bus stop on time before she leaves the house unless hubby is back before he leaves and then he does that. In regards to my husband when he is on night shift and I am on late shift he is away before I come home and he always makes me supper and sets up my cup of tea for me for when I come home, so I feel that by setting out his breakfast for him coming home is the right thing to do.

@namynom we are in NI & my husband commutes a total of 2.5hrs a day.
I’m at home / full time carer to our son who attends special school.
Before he came along I travelled the same commute time part time. If he was able to attend wrap around care I still would.

I do think there is a shift in NI. The older generation find it horrific ie my husbands mother - but that attitude doesn’t pay our mortgage.

Lots travel to Belfast / L’derry for work. Trains are rammed, motorways ramed. M2 is super busy at 6am.

I worked in London, with 1.5 hr commute. I hasten to add that my work is very specialised and there was not much choice, especially as my husband was ill at the time and not able to work.
I left early and arrived back late. She was asleep when I left and ready for bed when I got back (if transport was ok, sometimes I arrived back after her bedtime). I really regret that I missed so much of my daughter's life.
When my contract was up for renewal I decided I couldn't continue. There were very few jobs around us and I ended up working part time for a pittance. To cut a long story short we eventually ended up losing our house. Thank god we're in a better place now, husband is recovered and in a very good job, we're in a comfortable rented flat (now, it was a bit dire before), and looking forward to retirement.
My daughter used to complain, "You were never there when I needed you." Until the day I finally exploded and told her a few home truths, what was I supposed to do? We're very close now.

@Illbeagransoon

It is so tough the balance between money to support the family financially vs time at home.

I am facing the choice between DD doing 11 hour days at nursery so that I can work full time therefore ensuring our financial security & keeping our home or uprooting us to live in a cheaper area and free up some equity to pay off the creeping debts.

Tough tough decisions and there is no right answer.

I always say, if you don't like it, do something about it. You have to weigh up standard of living against wellbeing